Reasons why I love my new office

1. Eric is a cool landlord.

2. The beautiful tree that leaves all the pink blossoms everywhere just outside the front door.

3. How there are so many good places you can walk to to eat nearby.

4. The fact that if I want a cheapo office chair I can walk 5 blocks and roll one back to the office while enjoying the day and the city.

5. Whether I'm taking bus or car, the commute is super fast and easy.

6. Working in a refurbished industrial building that looks like it was, once upon a time, used to manufacture tiny Zeppelins feels very anime.

6. It's in Portland!

Settling

People always talk about letting you settle when you move to a new place and it kind of makes me think of a bird getting a nest just right and then taking a moment to poof the feathers out and settle down just perfectly. You talk with people and they tell you how wonderful it would be to see you "when you get settled" only to find that once you get up there and ARE settled they sometimes give you a "oh my that was fast, well, we'll be sure to have you over once you're settled" which is entertaining when I started the conversation by telling them how settled I was. Of course, while there is a settling period for me, my social network is ALSO having to settle because now they have to factor in the fact that I'm living locally and how much, if any, time they can actually spare for me. This is perfectly normal and okay of course and makes total sense to me, I'm just amused when people tell me, now that I'm in town, they'll see me when I'm settled, when they really mean they'll see me when THEY'RE settled with the idea of me being here.

Which is all to say I have arrived in Portland and am completely unpacked and officially settled, Hooray! Although having said that, packing, moving, and unpacking took up many consecutive days of much work and back strain and I am officially pooped. I'm going to try and take it easy this weekend and conserve my energy for my future which seemed completely predictable and depressing in Reno and now seems delightfully if terrifyingly unknown in Portland.

word of the week

Been encountering the word "Pandemonium" a lot this week. I always wonder when that happens if it's the universe trying to warn me about something.

Pandemonium - Pet Shop Boys

Blow Wind Blow

Blow Wind Blow - Tom Waits

Blow wind blow - blow
me away here -
blow wind blow (repeat)

Great moments in Reading

Okay, maybe not so much. But I still dug this part near the end of volume 3 of Elric when I was flying back from Portland on the plane and feeling moody:

"And now, Elric had told three lies. . . . And upon those three lies was Elric's destiny to be built, for it is only about things which concern us most profoundly that we lie clearly and with profound conviction."

l

Moving Schedule

For those of you keenly interested in my movements here is the fairly solid schedule for the move:

Friday, April 17: Load up truck
Saturday April 18: Drive up to Portland.
Sunday April 19: Unload Truck.

H

I don't like the drugs but . . .

So now I'm re-thinking whether I should drug my kitties. I bought this car netting for pets that will keep them in the back seat and I'm going to really stuff thing underneath the seats so they can't crawl under. This will let them roam in the backseat and hopefully alleviate some anxiety on their part (there will be a disposable litter box back there too). Now I'm second guessing the drugs since it will just be me in the car and my experience with the drug is you have to watch them carefully to make sure they don't get themselves into a position they're too drugged to get out of. So basically I'm thinking if I drug them they need to stay in their cages and if I don't I can use the netting. Hmm, decisions, decisions.

I've also been toying with the idea of asking if anyone would be interested in flying down to help me with kitties on the drive up (since J will be driving the truck), where I would pay for the flight. Although having said that I'm pretty sure I can handle it solo, I'm just a little anxious about potential problems.

It will be so good to be in Portland and unpacked.

Disney Laziness

Wow, they really liked to cut corners in the Disney Animation studios back in the day. Good lord.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Drugging my kitties

I tested the drug my vet gave me today for the car trip to get the dosage right. I didn't capture the failed jumps and knocking things over because I was also packing but here's a few clips of my kitties not so steady on their feet. Poor guys.

Garage Sale

Had a yard sale today. Sold all the big crap that I don't want to take with me to Portland (Bed, patio stuff, computer desk) and made $120. Happy and tired.

On a related note, who the hell invented 8:00 am?

H

Moving thought

The importance of good tape cannot be underestimated. Who could have foreseen that the pricey tape I got from home depot works really well and the cheap tape I got from Walmart is already peeling off of boxes? No one, that's who.

Illumination

I finally understand why conservative conspiracy theorists think George Soros is an evil liberal out to control the U.S. and take away their guns. He is simply terrifying to look at.

while I'm at it

I'm going to post the video for the song below. It's pretty cool.

Don't have to live . . .

a live of power and wealth.

Don't have be . . . beautiful but it helps

It's all kinds of bullshit that the new Pet Shop Boys isn't released in the states until April 21st but it's out now in Britain. For now, we must satisfy ourselves with the single:

Love etc. - Pet Shop Boys

Soylent Facts

When I was in my young teens, I prayed very hard that Jesus would not return until Star Wars episodes 1,2 and 3 were made so I could see them. In retrospect, delaying heaven on earth wasn't worth Hayden Christiansen's performance.

Soylent To-dos

✓ Look into future and see no happiness in Reno outside of work

✓ Decide to look into moving Portland

✓ Visit Portland, commune with soul of city, determine if I want to move there

✓ Get ex's stuff packed and out of the house

✓ Ask boss to let me work from Portland

✓ Get ex's birds back to her.

✓ Receive Permission to move to Portland and work remotely

✓ Start packing

- Find 3 Bedroom house or apartment in SW Portland

- Move to Portland

- Get membership at gym with good pool

- Buy prescription swimming goggles so I can see what the hell is going on at the pool

- Figure out how to interact with humans again.

- Be happy.

Big News

For those of you who haven't heard, my boss gave me permission to move to Portland last week. Hooray! I am including a video of how excited I got when I heard the news:



Seriously, I am oh-so-very excited. It took me a few days for the buzz to wear off. Like I packed half my house last weekend even though I'm not moving for a month. Still, can't wait to leave Reno and get to Portland. Hooray for me!

25 things I hate about facebook

Another idea I wish I'd had first.

Climbing the Walls

Been kinda sickish last few days. Have plans for podcasts, but not likely to appear until this weekend, or unless I stay home from work sick tomorrow. Last night was kind of a bizzarre night of no sleep. Apart from various symptoms, one of which was extremely annoying but probably too personal to throw out on the internet, my cats kept me up.

Oh, I forgot to mention on the blog! I have gotten my ex to take her birds back. The house is once again mine. And I finally have a regular person sanctuary instead of a bird sanctuary. I miss the birds, cause I liked them, but I'm positive it was the best thing that could have happened for all of us. Sooo, long story short. The cats are allowed in the bedroom again.

ANYWAY, the cats now work in shifts to keep me awake. If I close the door to prevent Zapp from playing with me, zatanna whines piteously and scratchs on the door endlessly. If I leave it open so she can snuggle on the bed with me, zapp comes in about every 2 hours starting at 6am asking for food, or just generally waking me up cause he thinks I should be awake after I feed him. Sooo, I may have to put a littler, some food and water in the bedroom and just give zatanna bedroom privileges for the night. If it ain't one thing it's another.

Anyway, things are proceeding according to plan for the most part. Getting the birds out was a big checkbox. Now I"m just waiting to hear from my boss in a week or two to know how I'm getting to Portland. In the meantime, I'm sick, irritated that I can't go swimming when I'm sick (or that it's not a good idea to) , and generally trying not to climb the walls. Which brings us to the video of the day, the lyrics of which seem almost perfect to what I'm feeling these days. Song first, then lyrics if you click all the way through to the full post.

Climbing the Walls - They Migh...

Climbing The Walls

I can't talk, I got to go
Don't call me back, I won't get the door
Got to focus on the job
'Cause I got a new job climbing the walls

I was grinding my teeth, I was wasting my youth
And using up my teeth
Now I'm done chewing my nails
Hanging my head, chasing my tail
It got so bad I quit my job
Then I got a new job climbing the walls

Too much junk, too much junk
Can we please clear out this house?
In the trunk, in the trunk
And then we'll take it all to the dump
Then we won't need the car
'Cause we'll stay where we are
And I'll have all this room

I got tired of pacing the floor
Sick of it all, I'm done with the floor
Walked away ever since I got a new job climbing the walls

I was grinding my teeth, I was wasting my youth
And using up my teeth
Now I'm done chewing my nails
Hanging my head, chasing my tail
It got so bad I quit my job
Then I got a new job climbing the walls

The deep end, the deep end
People talk a lot, but they don't know
They pretend, they pretend
They don't really know how deep it goes

Now I misunderstood,
Thought the wall was just good
For staring blankly at

I got tired of pacing the floor
Sick of it all, I'm done with the floor
Walked away ever since I got a new job climbing the walls

Now I'm done chewing my nails
Hanging my head, chasing my tail
It got so bad I quit my job
Then I got a new job climbing the walls
Got a new job climbing the walls
Got a new job climbing the walls

Popular wisdom fails again

So, apparently antioxidants have been shown to have no effect on cancer rates whatsoever. So what the hell are they good for? Apparently, they are still possibly good for a few other things, but who knows at this point. I think the best thing to do is just eat a balanced diet with lots of raw fruits and veggies and hope for the best.

Still, every time a study like this comes out it destroying years of accumulated popular medical wisdom, reminds me that medically we're still in the dark ages on many, many subjects. I just have no confidence that we really have a firm grasp on the subtleties of the biochemistry in the human body. But I think it's improving, just slowly. Here's to hoping we're living with star trek medicine in the near future.

Summer Must Die

For my Aussie friends who are suffering through a really bad and hot summer, I present: Bad Poetry

Summer Must Die

Mad Doctor Drongo was Crazy
He lived in the house up the hill
Redundantly named and quite lazy
He was probably mentally ill

Mad Doctor Drongo was Mocked
We made fun of him without any guilt
He ignored us behind doors that were locked
and just tinkered and thinkered and built.

Mad Doctor Drongo was Fated
He would save us though we knew it not
When the coolness springtime abated
and the summer became maliciously hot

Mad Doctor Drongo was Steaming
As he busted out his door in the heat
"My aircon is overloaded and screaming!
And this sidewalk is burning my feet!"

Mad Doctor Drongo was Furious
He turned mad eyes up to the sky
"If summer brings heat so injurious,
Then I declare Summer Must DIE!"

Mad Doctor Drongo Created
He made gizmos and gadgets and rays
He pointed them all at the sky and then stated,
"Almost there, give me just a few days!"

Mad Doctor Drongo was Victorious
The flush of triumph bright in his cheeks
His creation that killed summer was glorious
And it only took him 12.5 weeks!

--------

Ah thank, you thank you very much. Ah, I had forgotten how much fun it is to write vogon poetry.

"saving" money

So, I'm all about saving money for the inevitable move to Portland, but this month, celebrating not having to pay a $350 monthly cell phone bill anymore, I bought one movie "Hulk vs Thor vs Wolverine" and a few really, really good books. Also, since my car stereo has not worked in over a year, I went to best buy and bought a Sony CD player with an aux hook up for my iphone which cost less than a hundred dollars that I am very happy with. All told, it sums up to less than the cell phone would have been, but I do need to get back into savings mode. The stereo I don't regret at all though. If I'm going to be driving back and forth between here and Portland I'm going to want a good car stereo. I had forgotten how nice it is to have one that works.

As for Portland, I've pretty much decided I"m going whether my boss okays it or not. Now it's just a matter of details. Cause seriously, I'm just done with Reno.

zombie H - the revenge

J was a better brother to me on my birthday than I was on his. He popped champagne and then hid my present around the living room and made me search for it. Good times.

In other news, last couple of nights have been a disaster sleep-wise. I still hasn't kept me from swimming, but it has kept me from doing a full wii fit workout. I'm going to have to nip that in the bud I think. Zombie H does not get to drag me back into my old routine! My old routine was bullshit! Soylent H must live. . . . live!

So, break out the chainsaws, we're going zombie hunting.

Soylent H's First Law

Everyone looks cute in swimming goggles and a swimming cap and a bathing suit. No exceptions.

Ashes to Ashes Wednesday

Well, Tuesday kind of sucked but wasn't that bad. Today I'm getting hints from co-workers that boss might not be able to OK Portland move for a few more weeks because this is like the busiest time of year for people in our business. Deep sigh. Another trip to Portland may be in order. In the meantime, one of my favorite songs.

Getting the hang of Tuesday

You ever have days where you feel like you're about 2 seconds from putting your foot in your mouth or about to trigger the release for the trap door you didn't realize you are standing on? Proceeding cautiously . . ..

Oh, what I wouldn't give for the comforting might of Thor's day on a Tuesday.

Oh Frabulous Day

My ex has, at long last, over a year after she stopped sleeping here, retrieved 99.9% of her inanimate objects. And now, I do the dance of joy, for this is the dawning of the age of aquarius.



Of course, next part of the plan is to get her to take her birds back. Still, all is proceeding as I have forseen it.

Counting Chickens . . . .

I've convinced myself so thoroughly that I'm moving to Portland regardless of what happens that I've actually started looking at online housing rentals. At this point I kind of feel like nothing is going to stop me.

Having said that, I'd like to take this opportunity to beg the universe to bite me on the ass on this one. Seriously, I'm begging you.

Edited to add: And of course, I'm likely to look fairly foolish if I end up having to stay in Reno.

I Was Not the Only One - Labyrinth edition

So, I really like the movie Labyrinth. But, while I enjoy it purely in a childlike and wholesome manner, I did always think the sweat pants David Bowie wore in that movie didn't quite leave enough to the imagination. I don't really bring it up that often, because I don't want people to ask me why I was looking at David Bowie's crotch. The problem is, once you notice that his sweats are uncomfortably revealing, you can't help but notice in EVERY scene. For years I thought I alone suffered this problem, but a quick search of the internet shows me that there were a wide variety of people who noticed and were affected by "Bowie's Bulge" as it has come to be called. With that in mind, please enjoy this mildly humorous re-edit of the making of labyrinth, with the description:

"A behind the scenes look at how the Muppet masters of Labyrinth created David Bowie's Crotch"



Edited to add:

You can imagine the entertainment of me seeing "the Nutcracker" for the first time a couple of years ago. It's not that I find it titillating, it's that I don't see men dressed quite like that every day. It takes some getting used to is all.

the Knights Doppler

All our work undone! The Knights Doppler must regroup quickly if we are to avoid disaster!


Weather Channel Accused of Pro-Weather Bias

Intermission

So, I talked to my boss about moving to Portland (like over a week ago). He was impressed with how well I had thought it through, and did not reject the idea out of hand. He said he would seriously consider it but a final answer would need to wait until he got back and can talk to the division director. In the meantime, he told me my job was to find out if health insurance would cover me if I were in Portland (answer: Yes! *Gleee*). So now I'm waiting on him to get back next week and talk with the division director and give me a firm decision on what he'd be willing to do one way or the other. He's a really cool guy, I expect he's honestly considering it and will give me an honest answer.

In the meantime, so as far as the Portland trip goes, I guess I'm in intermission. This is okay though, I am still sorting some reno stuff out such as work and getting my ex to come pick up her stuff. Ah, change. How I revel in it.

L'Homme Boit, Non!

Additional note to self: Dammit self, I said NOT to drink the pool water. It is the ick. ICK!

Reply to Self, RE: water swallowing: Well, maybe if you would pay more attention to your breathing and not try to inhale a half-second too early while your mouth is still technically underwater you wouldn't be faced with the "swallow ick water or drown right here." dilemma once a night.

H

Song of the Day

I like this song when I'm trying to navigate a bad day, although I usually listen to the Dandy Warhols cover.

Sister Golden Hair [Album Vers...

For the record,

"Well I tried to make it Sunday,
but I go so damned depressed,
that I set my sights on Monday and got myself undressed."

is probably one of my favorite song openings of all time. Not sure why.

The Haunting

ad stare
Originally uploaded by hbot3000

I've been walking by this ad on my table for about a week now and it creeps me out more and more every time I walk by. What is he staring at! Can he read my mind? Those eyes, those burning eyes! No, no, stay out of my head . . . get out of my head!

Me big smarty

I just figured out a couple nights ago, that the bizarre device next to the showers is not in fact an incinerator of unknown purpose, but rather a centrifuge to wring the water out of my bathing suit. Clearly, I never stopped to really think about what it was, because if I'd spent one second on it, the idea that it was an incinerator of any sort would have seemed unlikely.

In any case, I'm happy to have a device to wring the water out now, it's made life more convenient.

L'homme Boit

Note to self: Try not to drink half the pool tonight.

Sleepytime

God I love discovering new music.

Sleepytime in the Western Worl...

Your eyelids are made of lead
You can't keep them open
Cause its sleepytime
And that's no crime in the western world
Cause when the sun goes down
You’re bound to follow through
Sleeping through the afternoon
I just can't seem to leave my room
Waiting for the moon and a love so true
It's gonna see me through
You know it's gonna see me through

Swimmin'

I did 20 laps tonight, I am proud. I don't feel as tired as I think I should though. Either I'm doing it at exactly the right pace, or I need to attack the water a little harder. I don't know, my pulse rate is pretty steadily high, I think I'm doing okay. Two things to mention though:

1: Tired of but amused by the old men in the locker room, wandering naked, seemingly aimlessly.

2: There are two paper towel dispensers there that work off of motion sensors. Every night it's the same dance. Wave hand in front of sensor. Wave closer. Closer. Smack the sensor lightly to get it to work. I'm just amused I have to actually hit the sensor every time. Quality engineering.

And this was the song going through my head tonight as I swam:

Sink or Swim

I've been pretty good about swimming this week. For the last year or so my exercise routine has consisted of remembering to do wii fit once a week and maybe getting to the pool that often. The switch in my head that allows me to go to bed somewhere between midnight and 1am regularly has finally flipped and I've been getting up around 9am every day (this is a dramatic improvement over 1pm or on bad weeks 3pm). So for the last 4 days I've done wii fit in the morning (mostly yoga, with stomach/upper body exercises mixed in. I must, I must, I must reduce my bust). I used to think I could only handle 3 swimming sessions a week because I would end every session light-headed and exhausted. A friend helpfully pointed out that I was probably just doing the crawl wrong and breathing improperly and suggested maybe I just stick with the breast stroke. This was enormously helpful advice. I also figured out that maybe it would go better if I were wearing goggles. Kind of frustrating to be swimming with chlorine in your eyes all the time.

So, last night I entered the water, with my pink-lensed goggles (all they had at the store) and ready to swim. I had previously attributed my light-headedness and abbreviated swim sessions to the fact that I was just too out of shape to go for very long. You can imagine my delight at finding, when I stick to the breast stroke, I can swim for freaking forever, and with goggles on the experience was actually a delight. So I just kept swimming, and swimming, and swimming, until I realized I was actually smiling as I swam and laughing as I paused occasionally between laps. The last 5 laps I was imagining I was aquaman escaping the clutches of Black Mantis and I don't regret it. Well, maybe Aquaman's slightly chubby, little known sidekick "the Manatee" (that one was for you KVC). In any case, I haven't been that happy in a long time. And I realized that, by nature, I'm kind of a happy guy. I like being happy, I like being a goofball when I'm happy, and I'm not sure I give a flying flip if people don't like that about me. It was a good feeling.

The impact of last night on today is this: if I can swim like that then I am more capable than I thought I was. Today I am going to ask my boss about telecommuting from Portland. His answer is the crucial factor in determining whether I will be going with or against the current in moving to Portland. I hope he accepts the idea (hope, hope, hope), but you know what? It doesn't matter. Whether the current is with me or against me, I can swim for freaking forever.

Deep Breaths

So, after deciding that a year was long enough to pay for $300 worth of cell phone usage every month for an ex, and after my brother said he didn't really need to use my own phone:

Verizon cell phone account: Cancelled.

Operator: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Do you have a reason for cancelling? You're making me cry."

Me: "I don't want to pay for cell phones for my brother and ex and you don't have an iphone. Your manipulation suffers a critical miss."

After the happy dance was done, I just couldn't stop.

Newspaper subscription (taken at behest of the ex and which I don't read): Cancelled.

Operator: "Is there a reason for your cancellation? Seriously, you are making me cry here."

Me: "I don't read your paper version, I DO read your online news, I don't want it anymore, isn't this reason enough?"

And then it was time to consider what other monthly fees I was paying for but not using:

City of Heroes Subscription: Cancelled.

Website: "Why are you canceling your subscription? Did we do something wrong? We used to have such a good thing going. The world would frighten you, and you would retreat into our special-made world where you can be super-hero. Don't you want to be a super-hero?"

Me: "I do. But I"m not 12 anymore, and there's not much sadder than an overweight guy, who has no reason not to be in shape, role-playing a buff, manly super-hero avatar in a digital world 6 hours a day. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is face the real world instead of hiding from it."

Website: "That's silly and cheesy and something real manly superhero men wouldn't say."

Me: *Quirks eyebrow, hits cancel*

And then, the moment of truth. Could I destroy the Monster? I logged into the account page, and once started could not be stopped.



World of Warcraft Subscription: Cancelled.

WoW website: "Hey! Where ya been! We missed you. Increasing your subscription period to one year? Yes! I mean . . . cool, whatever, we're just happy if you' . . . hey, what are you doing with that cancel subscription button?"

Me: "I'm tired of hiding in your world."

Wow Website: "Hey, hey, hey, let's not get crazy now. Why don't you go ahead and just knock it down to a one-month subscription, see how it goes okay? Look, the thought of you leaving has made this peon cry."

Me: "I'm not interested. I'm going to select the cancel button again."

Wow Website: "Look, now this peon is just sobbing. Listen you son of a bitch, we've given you a lot of goddamn cool shit. You know what fun it is to fly a dragon through floating spires of rock? That was us. Meeting your new Australian friends? That was me. All those other accomplishments? Me. Belay that cancel subscription you ungrateful little bastard."

Me: "Can you name me one accomplishment in your game that would have benefitted me in the real world? I poured hours and hours and hours of time into accomplishments that are absolutely meaningless outside of your world. I was a reservoir of potential and creative energy, which instead of being channeled into making myself and the world better in some small way, I mistakenly directed into your world where it will never help anyone. Your world is meaningless."

Wow Website: " . . . . but look at the peon graphic, he's so SAD!"

Me: *hits cancel subcription*

Wow Website: "Fine, do what you want. You'll be back. Everyone comes back."

Me: "We'll see. I wouldn't hold my breath. Oh, and Wow?"

Wow Website: *looks back hopefully for a last minute change of heart* " . . Yes?"

Me: "Fuck you and your crying peon."

Note to my Australian friends: I still love you all and will remain in contact.

Dissonance

To be fair, I asked Reno to sing a song for me, and this is the song it sang:

Black Abyss - Black Tide

Note especially the lyrics:

This is the Black Abyss
My life's apocalypse
Eternal Suffering
No future for me to see
...
As my life rots away
I long the day of my decay
I'll soon be there,
in death's grasp
It won't let go, now I'm dead!
This paranoia, I can't last
These days are now my last
The sense of evil is closing in
It is a phobia that kills within!

Oh Reno, you sing so sweetly to me.

Honestly this song does a pretty good, if overly dramatic, job of summing up my feelings about living in Reno.

The song below sums up my feelings about living in Portland. And now you can look at me quizzically and wonder why this decision is so hard for me. (Answer: cause I looove my job in Reno but it's about the only thing).

Resonance

I asked the city of Portland to sing to me, and this is the song it sang:



Pay attention to lyrics of verses as well if you want the full impression.

Things I can't say on facebook

Okay, this is a horrible joke and I'm not particularly proud of it, but I have to share so I can get it out of my head. It probably only makes sense and could possibly be funny if you grew up with certain phrases.

In response to someone linking me a cheesy religious music video called "Jesus touched me," my first thought was, "Show me on the doll where Jesus touched you."

Of course, to save the moment a believer might point solemnly at the heart. And what was once bordering on irreverence is now a touching, religious experience.

Ba dum bum ching.

Deep Thought

It's shocking how early I can get up when I go to bed before 1am. That probably says too much about me.

Video of the Day

As linked from Andrew Sullivan's blog: Procrastination

The terrible Secret of Soylent H

I'm kind of in a fluxy kinda mood recently and have been increasingly unsatisfied with my user name and the name of the blog. So I've changed it to something I find more amusing, and reserve the right to change it again later if I find a title/user name that entertains me more. So . . . Welcome to Soylent H, home to silliness, and badly acted seriousness.

Other names considered in order of most-considered to least-considered:

Metamorphic H and the Chrysalis of Destiny

Preparation H and the Burning Fires within

Syphilitic H and Legacy of Past Mistakes



Sadly, one of those actually was under serious consideration.

Comments are again more open, although this time, they will need the moderator's approval before posting, so that certain foul commenters only pester me and not the rest of you.

TEAR-E

You know you're emotionally constipated when you tear up at the smallest of emotional moments while watching WALL-E.

Dis-spirited

I just got back from watching "The Spirit". You know, I think I've had enough of Scarlett Johansson for one lifetime. I may be getting close to leaving Frank Miller behind too. You know, I can't tell if he's just a cynical writer who knows who his audience is, or if his perception of women was cemented for life when he was 12 years old.

Promethean Fire

I can't recommend Getting Off: Pornography and the end of Masculinity enough, especially to my male friends. I found I agreed with all of it and that the author was inside my head ( or I was inside his) but make no mistake it's a very challenging read. It was recommended to me by a friend and it was like promethean fire. You can't help but notice when prometheus gives you fire. Anyway, should you read it, you may find the author too harsh or be unwilling or unable to buy into the author's premise (I find I do entirely, even though I'm still wrestling with it). Regardless, I think everyone should be exposed to the argument presented therein (which is how the friend who recommended it to me feels). You can thank me later.

Things that irritate me

I don't like web sites that passive-aggressively try to trap me into looking at their page, either by popping up windows with intentionally misleading dialog or by freaking disabling the close window button on my browser. Why would you think anyone in their right mind is going to react positively to that behavior? Grrr. Yes, this just happened to me and I am a slightly cranky about it. Passive Aggressive advertising beware! Your doom has come!

I am a horrible sibling

My brother's birthday is today and I completely forgot, despite the fact that he told me yesterday. I will take him bowling tonight or something to make up for it. Yes, I know, I am a thrillseeker.

Bounty understand my life

survey
Originally uploaded by hbot3000

I was mindlessly filling out a Tivo survey while eating lunch for a chance at a free HD tivo when I hit this page. If you'll look at my answers you'll see how far I got before the questions and my answers to them sunk in. They are clearly trying to assess how much of their advertising I mindlessly absorbed like some sort of brainless consumer drone which I find profoundly irritating. I am more than the sum of my consuming habits you bastards!

Still, who knows how deeply that innocent looking tivo has infiltrated my life. Suspicious that insufficiently enthusiastic responses to the product would lead to some sort of Clockwork Orangeish reprogramming I answered a neutral 3 to all of them and pressed submit, even thought I will not.

Fun facts

Here's a fun fact I bet you didn't know about me: I stay up late too much. I HATE going to sleep. It's some type of neurosis. I even wrote a dramatic 4 page story about being such a chronic oversleeper that I sleep through the apocalypse, which will not be distributed on this site (if you're real good I may bring out my trust poem pen and try to top some of my angsty high school epics. You're welcome in advance). So Zombie H and Phoenix H are now duking it out for control of the sleep cycle. Last night Zombie H won with a shocking 5am bed time compounded by a bird that decided to start tearing paper as he was trying to go to sleep (a bird who, shockingly, responded to reason). Tonight, Phoenix H "wins" by pushing that back to 3am. Progress.

A thought: Is it possible there's just nothing in Reno worth waking up for?

Mash me up

I can't really take credit for this. A local friend of mine recently introduced me to mashups. The immediate question that hit me was, "How on earth did I only now become aware of this?" Searching for mashups on YouTube and listening to tracks downloaded from the Bootie Blog gave me hours of giggles. On the blog, click the "Top 10" tag to get a list of downloadable tracks for the last year or more. They've also released three CDs, all of which are downloadable.

For your enjoyment, one of my favorite blast-from-the-past mashups, "Boulevard of Broken Songs."

Random picture of the day

I don't know why I found this amusing, but I did. Fake fertility goddess at the aquarium in vegas. Because, you know, what trip to the aquarium is complete without a fertility goddess?

Invention I need

It occurs to me that I need a better alarm clock. But not just louder or more reliable. No, I need a leap forward in alarm clock design. Not only do I need it to wake me up at a certain time, I also need it to knock me out 8 hours before. Now that's something I would pay for.

Super Mega Vegas Trip Journal

Friday, Oct 31.

(times largely approximate with an error of several hours)

1:50, fly into vegas. Mood: excited. Also happy plane was airworthy. Note to self: grow wings so I can avoid airlines in the future.

3:00 pm: Have dinner with L and J who graciously put up with my blather. Feel awkward. Probably am awkward. Justin Long is apparently sitting in cafe with us. Want to look around wildly to find him but don't. Content to breathe his air. Will not wash these lungs again.

Early evening: Tag along with L and J and L to go last minute clothes shopping. Do not find good rockabillly but it is revealed that what I brought is probably appropriate. Hooray! Have talk with L, L's sister. Good talk. Nice to finally not feel awkward.

Late Evening: L and J and I attempt to find halloween party action. Largely unsuccessful in getting into clubs, but meet lots of L and Js friends for friendly drinks. They all seem nice. Still feel awkward.

Late, late evening: Apparently most couples out and about in Vegas got the same memo, women are dressed as the sluttiest furries imaginable, guys are dressed as giant douches. Oh wait, the guys didn't dress up, they're just dressed normally and ARE giant douches. And no, it doesn't look at all predatory to have fairly sober guys escorting completely smashed slut bunnies up until their rooms. Side note to the side note: I may be a prude.

Saturday Nov 1st:

3pm: Wake up. 12 hours sleep. Hooray!

7:30 pm: Make it to wedding chapel with 3 minutes to spare. Am shocked to see old flame C with baby until I remember she married into L and L's family. Funny side note, used to date L's sister, L. Then old flame marries into L's family. Additionally, L that I used to date marries an N (who I like), another old flame recently married anther N. (who I do not like). Suspect life is laughing at me. Anyway, have good, non-awkward conversation with C. I may be growing up.

8:00 pm: Elvis wedding more spectacularly entertaining than I would have thought possible. Smoke effects, pink cadillac, dancing, it's fantastic. Best wedding I've attended.

9:00pm to midnight: Reception is nice, has good food. Exotic Japanese food is fun. Not good at parties. Feel awkward throughout, manage not to spill drink or food on self which is major accomplishment. Have nice conversations with C and husband D and with L and N.

Sunday Nov. 2:

Midnight to 5am: Crushing vertigo and acrophobia. Suddenly realize that under room is one room and then 100 feet of air. Cannot get thought out of head. Cannot sleep. May have anxiety problems.

11 am: Wake up after maybe 4 hours good sleep. Karmic repayment for bragging about 12 hours sleep all yesterday evening I'm sure. Go hang out with L and N. Have lunch in casino, then attend aquarium. Aquarium is fun. Manage not to be eaten by sharks or Komodo dragon. Charlie Brown karma successfully dodged. Sea Turtles favorite. Remind me of discworld. Note to self: may be nerd.

3pm: Get to airport with plenty of time to spare. This turns out to be unfortunate because my plane is delayed by 3 hours. Rocket scientists at Las Vegas Airport decide to close all runways but one down. Luckily, I have digital devices to entertain me in the midst of crowded and cranky airline passengers. A nerd is always prepared.

9pm: Arrive home. Hooray! Good trip. Thanks to L and J for inviting me.

Video of the day

It's been a herculean effort not to turn this blog into a platform to complain about my last relationship, but today I'll do it in video form. This ben folds video really resonates with me with regards to my last relationship. I can't embed it because that's been disabled by request, but please check the link out. Apart from my emotional connection it happens to be a really good song from a really good album. Don't be distracted by the Tim and Eric video production. I watch those guys religiously and they always make me laugh my ass off (hmm, I "get" chubby white boys with a bizarre sense of humor . . . strange) but for the uninitiated the video itself may just seem . . . really odd. Anyway, don't let the weirdness of the video distract you from the brilliance of the song.

Beast

New favorite album. This isn't an official video but you can list to the song in video here. Loving the full album too. Kind of vibes with the end of time dogma I learned as a kid. Of course, every time I'm singing along and get to the "I love the beast, ya'll" I reflexively check the mirror for a 666 on my forehead. Ah, indoctrination, how you linger.

Aftermath

I am very pleased that I voted, that the person I voted for was elected president, and that Nevada turned blue this year. For once I lived in a state where I feel like my vote counted and that's a good feeling. Now I'm just sitting back and waiting for the conservatives to suddenly rediscover the concepts of limits on the executive branch and how to howl endlessly over tiny issues for 8 years like they did with Clinton.

Good times.

By Special Request

Because Australia demands it, another serious reminder about voting.

Video of they day - Josh Pyke

Straight from Australia, as introduced to me by my Aussie friends, is my new favorite artist Josh Pyke. This is a nice song, made all the sweeter, oddly, by the choice of words at the end of the chorus. You'll know what I mean when you watch it.

Drill, baby, Drill!

I wonder how long it's going to take for the porn industry to come out with a porno of the same name as this post title?

I'm not a big fan of the pornography industry because I consider it de-humanizing and I don't think the actors and actresses walk away from it emotionally health and unscathed, but that said, I do find their constant attempts to parody major movie titles or pop culture kind of amusing. In college the local video store seemed to traffic in those silly titles. My roommate at the time begged me every day for a few weeks for 10 bucks so he could go buy edward penishands (which I never gave him). But the conversation made me laugh every time.

I'm not really going anywhere with this, it just occurred to me today that there must be work going on at this very moment to turn that slogan into an election campaign themed porno.

Statistics I am interested in

I want to know the percentage of straight men, who cannot use the product "Ben gay" because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Then I want to know how many straight, homophobic men cannot use the product "ben gay" because it makes them angry and uncomfortable. Lastly, I want to know how many straight, homophobic men named Ben cannot use the product "ben gay" because "What the hell do they know?".

Get on it science.

Who is Goose?

Did you know that John McCain and Sarah Palin are Mavericks? Not only that, they're a team of Mavericks. They're a gaggle of Mavericks. A murder of Mavericks. The most Mavericky Mavericks that every Mavericked. They'll Maverick your socks off. Stand back, they have a Maverick! Granted, they have no specific policies to enact once in office, but rest assured, they'll Maverick the government to within an inch of it's life. That's just how Mavericks roll, with seat of the pants, fly by night Mavericking. Now, whether this means heads of "Washington Insiders" who have been at this for longer than 5 weeks on pikes in front of the Whitehouse or an odd predilection to wearing chaps and cowboy hats to cabinet meetings only a Maverick can tell you. In conclusion, Maverick off Maverick-fuckers! These two have a campaign to Maverick! Yeeeee-haaaawwwww!

Rolling stones

This article by Matt Taibbi is just brutal on Palin. I don't quite agree with everything said, but if you dislike the mccain campaign immensely and don't want Palin anywhere near the white house, this is a very cathartic article.

Red Rum

So, it looks like I'll be staying at the hotel that they filmed the Shining at for a conference in November. That should be interesting . . ..

Quote of the day

"When will man learn that all races are equally inferior to robots." -- Bender

Quotes of the day

"Fry, try to understand. You're a man, I'm a woman. We're just two different people!" -- Leela

"I bought champagne. I opened the bottle. What does a guy have to do?" -- Fry

Quote of the Day

"PLAGUES have had better opening nights than this!" -- Calculon

Yeah, Uh, I am a Scientist

I listen to this in the morning sometimes to pump myself up for work

Music Friday

New favorite band. Lots of room to dislike them, but for now I am fixated.

Discrimination

IMG_0169
Originally uploaded by hbot3000

As you can see, I had some trouble getting in.

Time Travel Bargains

Time Travel Bargains
Originally uploaded by hbot3000

When I saw this sign all I could think of was putting a pair on and flip-flopping my way into the future much the way Michael J. Fox did. Also, do you think there's any difference between the summer and winter versions? Maybe summer only goes to the past, and winter only goes to the future?

"Time Sandals, you never forget your first trip to the Jurassic in flip-flops."

Comicon Report, part the second

buddy jesus
Originally uploaded by hbot3000

This was one of my favorite costumes, the Buddy Jesus. He was remarkably soft spoken and Jesus-like as well. He had a large crowd following him around wanting pictures taken with him (when I took this there were 10 people behind me waiting to get in one with him). Anyway, greatly entertaining.

Things that make me sad

The Star Trek Online forums make me sad. Full of people declaring that only this or that game format will be "truly Star Trek". And playing the old game forum favorite of "I have 5 people that agree with me! Surely the game developers should turn over control of the game to us!"

My favorite are the people advocating that everyone start at the academy in starfleet and spend most of their time in-game taking orders from some unemployed 28-year-old mouth breather who is the "captain". And very thoughtfully pat each other on the back one someone agrees with them "Truly you a Star Trek Scholar and Poet, because you have captured exactly what star trek should be." Wait, no, my favorite was one of the afore-mentioned casually posting that they wanted to be able to have "erotic" star trek adventures because mature people like to do that. They were pretty clearly part of the erotic Stak Trek fan fiction community and wanted to take that online.

Essentially they want to live in star trek and if this MMO doesn't do that for them they are going to revolt or something. They just remind me how out of touch and sad geeks can be.

On another note, have I showed you my collection of veritech fighters? Sigh, I would love to live in Robotech. Of course, for anyone to make a game that lets you do that, they would have to incorporate the following things or it would be worthless and I would hate them. First, the controller would need to be a life-size, full scale veritech . . . . .

Rant Interlude

So this post on a few police incidents kind of has me furious. Especially the one where they taser a guy with a goddamn BROKEN BACK 18 times because he "seems dangerous". Also, invading the home of a fucking mayor without warning and killing his dogs (one of whom was running AWAY) because someone sent him a package they thought might have had drugs. HE GOT A PACKAGE FROM SOMEONE AT RANDOM AND THEY ENTERED HIS HOUSE AND KILLED HIS DOGS. This is all bad enough. Worst aspect? No penalties to the authorities for acting this way. Why the fuck aren't more people concerned about police acting like thugs and abusing their authority? Are we really that cowed by an irrational fear of "bad people" that we're willing to let the police fuck up big time without fear of consequence?

FUCK and GOD DAMN IT.

That super Suavey feeling

There's nothing quite like walking into the Apple store, making a purchase with a cute clerk, and then walking out to the car and discovering your fly has been down since you left the house. Smooth.

Making fun of movie trailers

You know, I liked the X-files. I started a couple seasons late, but I watched it all the way to the bitter, bitter end. So you must understand that I'm a little confused about the trailers for the new movie. X-files has had some really interesting and mysterious storylines that thrill and terrify. So I'm trying to figure out why they decided to ignore all of those interesting stories and instead put together, as far as I can tell, the least interesting plot imaginable. I'm hoping it's just a matter of only some of the intro shots being ready for the trailer, but so far in a season with movie trailers that make me want to see every movie every weekend, I think it's quite an accomplishment to take the X-files franchise and reduce it to "meh" in the TRAILER.

Chris Carter, you have disappointed me for the last time.

More musak

Just for fun. And just the song, the image is a still.

What's in a Name?

Zapp Brannicat
Originally uploaded by hbot3000

This poor guy, I have had him for several years now and I've never settled on a good name for him. He arrived to me as "Bouncer" which was decent, but a little too Looney Toons for my taste. I had always intended to give him a good name, but didn't. He's picked up a lot of nicknames over the last couple of years (mostly from me searching for the right one), but none of them seemed to fit. Among other things he has been called:

Bouncer
Buddy
Thunder cat
Battle Cat
Minino
Long Paw (of the law)
Lady Marmalade
Zaphod (the most recent attempt at a Z name to match Zatanna)

None of those have that special ring though. Until I happened upon the perfect name (starting with a Z no less!) while watching an episode of Futurama.

Feel free to call him what you want, but as of today he has a new official name. I present to you:

Zapp Brannicat!

Dynamic Duo

Dynamic Duo
Originally uploaded by hbot3000

Normally when these two are this close to each other there is lots of hissing and claw swiping involved, but this morning they decided to pose. In actuality this may be some sort of passive-aggressive territory squabble, but I'll take peace when I can get it. Anyway, they are also cute and deserving of pictures so there ya go.

New Music Fixation

The Fratellis are my new musicians of interest. The first album (that this video is taken from) is pretty much catchy, raucous rock and roll meant to be sung loudly in bars or brothels (apparently). I really like it, although the girls they have in their videos are kind of silly. Second album is pretty good as well, although their sound changes somewhat, which is okay of course , still pretty good. I imagine next few days are going to be pretty much full of fratelli links so prepare yourselves.

okay, Rant Time (hooray!).

I have become a chubby bastard. One of the side effects of this is that my fat fleshy neck collapses my already small airway at night, causing me to stop breathing repeatedly while I sleep. This keeps me from reaching REM and deep sleep almost every night. That is of course, unless I sleep hooked up to my darth vader CPAP machine which keeps my airway open enough at night to keep my breathing constant which allows me to achieve every sleep cycle known to man, even those reserved for non-fatties (Oh how I hates you non-fatties).

ANYWAY, because I am stupid and lazy and occasionally depressed I missed a few payments on CPAP machine (not because I didn't have money, purely because of stupid and lazy and depressed, hooray for me). How it works is insurance and I pay off machine for 6 months until the machine is mine, as in I own it. So a few weeks back, the company that "rents" me the machine calls wanting to take it back (they can't have my magical sleep machine, mine!). So I call the sleep clinic the originally diagnosed me (because they like to help patients, odd, I know). I had just gotten my act together and mailed in all my missing payments that week, and told everyone so. After a few days, it all gets worked out. The company that wants to take the machine back says my payment came in, all is well, I'm their new favorite customer, would I like candy?, etc. I have received no further bills from them since then.

A week after that I get a call from another guy from the same damn company, saying he needs to pick up the machine. I assume this was a hiccup in the bureaucracy and ignore it. Today, I get some damn guy at my goddamn house trying to pick the damn machine up. I asked him why and he said I was being "transitioned" to another company, which is the same damn thing they told me back when the problems started. I'm fairly sure "transitioned" means "we're trying to drop you and take the machine back and resell it" because they haven't told me why they're dropping me nor are they "transitioning" me to another company. They're "transitioning" me from covered to screwed. I told him the story in miniature, that last I heard they were completely happy with me, and that I need them to call me again to see what's going on. If necessary, I'm sure my sleep clinic will back me up again (they tell me the machine is nearly mine so under no circumstances give it back to them).

What I think is going on is said company is engaged in bureaucratic douchebaggery, and is attempting to take the machine back and resell it using some crap excuse purely in an effort to screw me over to save themselves money. For once in my life I am standing up for myself and they seem to back down quickly which makes me think they don't have a particularly good excuse for taking it.

To sum up: I'm getting pretty goddamn tired of the fact that the companies and people that are supposedly supplying me with medical equipment are intentionally looking for ways to screw me over to save money. I've read several articles about how most insurance companies do the same thing. Try to deny service whenever possible to save money. I"m not saying these are evil people, I'm saying how messed up is it when half the medical establishment is actively looking for an opportunity NOT to help you when you need it? The only angel in all this has been the doctors at my sleep clinic who are 100% on my side in all of this.

To sum up the sum up: The next person that patronizingly tells me we have the best healthcare in the world gets a kick to the crotch.

Work computer

Work computer
Originally uploaded by hbot3000

And for pure bragging rights, here is my work computer set-up. I hope one day to be as productive as this set-up would indicate I am.

Zatanna

Zatanna
Originally uploaded by hbot3000

Here's a pretty good picture of Zatanna. She can be elusive. She's just about the cutest cat I've ever seen. Always has a wide-eyed look about her and will talk to you if you talk to her. Perhaps I'll get video of it. In any case, two other things:

1) Yes, she has a tail, she's it's just curled over.

2) As you might tell from the previous cat picture, my house is as spartan as it is neat.

Cat Gremlin

Cat Gremlin
Originally uploaded by hbot3000

I haven't had time to blog recently, here's a few pictures. First, my kitty attempting to imitate or infiltrate the electronic appliances.

Little Earthquakes

So after my last post there was a 4.7 (like I think late that night) which freaked everyone out, and broke a few knick knacks in my house, but otherwise left most of us unharmed. I think a few people right over the epicenter had cracks in their walls and moved off of foundations a little bit, but mostly everyone was okay. Since then earthquake activity has died down a bit in frequency, although there was a 3.7 late last night. In any case, in the meantime I have purchased a disaster emergency kit which I don't expect to have to use but find comforting, and I have done some interior redesigning with the possibility of earthquakes shaking things down in mind and find that I feel pretty confident in case of earthquake now. Not a lot can fall in the house now that would hurt me or the cats and I have supplies in case of disruption. So hooray for being prepared.

*crazy*

Although, somewhere out there, under the earth, I know those earthquake worms are biding their time, waiting for their time to strike. Right now they are lulling us all into a false sense of security, but they can't fool me. They will never get me!

*/crazy*

Quakin' and a shakin'

Two, 4+ magnitude quakes today. Both of these felt all the way at work (10 miles away or so). Remember, you can pinpoint my house on this map.

Deep breaths . . . remain calm . . .

. . .

. . .

Agggh! It's the last days of pompeii!

IT'S THE LAST DAYS OF POMPEEIIIII!!!! (runs off screaming)

Age wars

This new mosquito device that emits an annoying noise that only teenagers can hear is the funniest thing to me. It is, of course, used by the elderly, who are in general afraid and jealous of the young, to "keep them from loitering". Which is a funny way of saying it, because loitering assumes that young people may have legitimate business in the area in question and perhaps linger too long after completing said business, but the device would keep them from even showing up in the first place. So I am just young enough to be amused that old people no longer have to come out and shout at the kids to "get off of their lawn", they just activate the sonic device that causes young people to run away screaming, hands held over bleeding ears. It's the elderly version of a safety blanket. I'm predicting portable versions that will keep a kid-free bubble of sonic assault around the elderly at all times in the future.

However, I am also just old enough to be incredibly amused at the effects it has on young people. For instance, the anecdote about teenagers no longer congregating and getting into fights in the parking lot made me chuckle for the mental image it created. Kids acting all rambunctious then fleeing in all directions when "pest-be-gone" is activated just makes me laugh. Probably because it makes them seem like animals in my head. And I am amused by this because I am just old enough to start resenting young people for the crimes of being young: i.e. so naive and stupid, but so convinced they are the only smart people ever ( as we all were), so contemptuous of people older than them even though they're doing crap all with their lives, and, of course, because they are younger and prettier than me. So yes, the idea of these youngsters about to fight in some barely sentient display of primate aggression then dispersing upon hearing a loud noise, perhaps to run home and indulge in a tasty banana, entertains me greatly.

That said, it may be cruel and pointless and maybe not a good idea in practice. But as I can't hear the noise myself probably anymore and won't be needing to use the device, I am not as interested in the practicality of it just yet.

The panic of my small mind

I experienced 3 tiny earthquakes in a row before leaving the house today. Here's the map with all activity up until now. I just need to get used to it, but it does set me on edge. My co-workers laugh at me for my unease, and rightly so, but the primitive part of my brain just wants to run, run away from the place where the earth is not content to lie still. Which brings me to my favorite song this week. Run children, run away! I have the monster at bay!

Deep Tuesday

For your enjoyment, a small essay on why Superman is a terrible hero. I have had the same thoughts in fragment, but I have never put it together so nicely. Give it a read.

Needs more Rammstein

I'm on a rammstein kick right now, so I'm passing the savings on to you.

Rock and Roll

Well, I have felt at least one of the temblors shown here. It's a little disconcerting, because I have an active imagination and I'm imagining a new volcano rising out of the ground there. I hasten to add that historically Nevada has an active earthquake history, and seismologists just think we're heading back into a more active phase, which historically is more normal.

Anyway, to keep it fun, taking bets on what, if any, the eventual cause is discovered to be:

1. Volcano two miles from my house.
2. Giant earthworms digging up from the depths to feast.
3. Robots that nearly wiped out mankind 40,000 years ago are resurfacing to once again wreak havoc.
4. Hell's bowling alley has just started league season (Reno is the bowling capital of the U.S.)
5. Normal small quake activity, nothing to be concerned about. (if you do not enjoy imagineering)
6. Mole men and giant drilling machines.
7. Loose micro-black hole in the Earth's interior.
8. Ancient Sumerian name for Earth is "Krypton"
9. A particularly active trampoline league in Mogul.
10. Glitches in the Matrix.

Speedy Skimming

I have to admit that I skim headline too fast sometimes. For instance:

"Researchers hope to cause and cure Parkinson's disease." reads a lot differently when I slow down and realize that it actually reads:

"Researchers hope to FIND A cause and cure for Parkinson's disease."

Likewise, I finally realized the sign over this donation game at convenience stores actually said:

"Flip a coin and help a blind child"

rather than what I had been reading it as:

"Flip a coin, blind a child"

I will neglect to mention which reading resulted in a higher coin donation.

Dear God

As someone who flies Southwest Airlines (or rather, someone who USED to fly southwest airlines) this story freaks me the hell out.

They were flying 117 planes that the FAA did not consider "Air Worthy?" You know, I used to have this safe feeling flying because I "knew" that the bare minimum in airline service was making sure the planes were inspected for safety. Well, wave goodbye to that feeling and all the assumptions that made it so.

Southwest Airlines, you are dead to me.

No Wii for Me

I'm not sure I want to spend the money on it right now, but it offends my completely american instant gratification sensibilities that I cannot buy a wii right now without paying opportunists much more than the thing is worth. Supplies are still low here in the Reno area, and the nerds have become restless. Reno seems muted now, expectant. Waiting for the sentries on casino roofs to shout "Neeeeerdddddsssss!" as a pale, unwashed mass of proto-humanity floods into the downtown area, hungry for the digital stimulants that only the Japanese wii can provide. There is no physical threat of course, as years of malnutrition and apathy have severely atrophied the muscles not strictly necessary for mouse-clicking, gamepad controlling or masturbation. At best, they could thrash ineffectively, raining rapid, yet barely noticeable cotton-soft blows on unsuspecting pedestrians before tiring quickly and looking around for a bean bag chair. The only remote danger persisting in the possibility that one of their heavier brethren might trip and fall on top of children or the elderly.

No, their menace stems not from the Newtonian mechanics of their violence, but purely from their smell. Oh lord the smell that precedes the unwashed horde as the vanguard of their assault. Years of basement living and cheetoh snacking have left them with an orange, moldy crust, the scent of which can drop a mountain lion at 50 yards. It is this that causes the masses to flee at the approach of this frenetic mass of faintly luminescent and completely odiferous nerdality.

So tread lightly and carry nose-plugs should you be brave enough to venture to The Reno. For there are no wiis here.

There are no wiis here.

God help us all.

A box of nothing

Wishing myself a very metal birthday.

Shocking Internet Discoveries

You know, I was thinking of how you can just find almost any video you can think of and tried an experiment. As it turns out, youtube does indeed have any video you can think of. Here's the first part.

John the Revelator

One of my favorite Depeche Mode songs set to a strange video. This isn't the official video from the band, someone else made it. Kinda creepy, but I like it.