I'm not sure I want to spend the money on it right now, but it offends my completely american instant gratification sensibilities that I cannot buy a wii right now without paying opportunists much more than the thing is worth. Supplies are still low here in the Reno area, and the nerds have become restless. Reno seems muted now, expectant. Waiting for the sentries on casino roofs to shout "Neeeeerdddddsssss!" as a pale, unwashed mass of proto-humanity floods into the downtown area, hungry for the digital stimulants that only the Japanese wii can provide. There is no physical threat of course, as years of malnutrition and apathy have severely atrophied the muscles not strictly necessary for mouse-clicking, gamepad controlling or masturbation. At best, they could thrash ineffectively, raining rapid, yet barely noticeable cotton-soft blows on unsuspecting pedestrians before tiring quickly and looking around for a bean bag chair. The only remote danger persisting in the possibility that one of their heavier brethren might trip and fall on top of children or the elderly.
No, their menace stems not from the Newtonian mechanics of their violence, but purely from their smell. Oh lord the smell that precedes the unwashed horde as the vanguard of their assault. Years of basement living and cheetoh snacking have left them with an orange, moldy crust, the scent of which can drop a mountain lion at 50 yards. It is this that causes the masses to flee at the approach of this frenetic mass of faintly luminescent and completely odiferous nerdality.
So tread lightly and carry nose-plugs should you be brave enough to venture to The Reno. For there are no wiis here.
There are no wiis here.
God help us all.
I laughed so hard at this post I nearly coughed up a lung.
ReplyDeleteYou just need to wander into Wal-Mart, Target, or whatever nearby store you have at random times of the day to see if they have any in stock. I got mine over a year ago on a streak of luck...I wandered into WalMart about 10 minutes after they got a shipment of 10 in stock. I managed to grab a copy on sheer luck.
So stop the masturbation, put down the mouse, and log out of WoW. Get down to your local store RIGHT NOW to see if you can find a Wii.
Hey, I never said I was the one masturbating . . .
ReplyDeleteThat said, I'm glad you liked the post. It started out as a normal rant about the lack of wii in my life and transmogrified into something different.
With this comment I announce both that I exist and that I was much amused by your post. Permission hereby requested to link to your blog from my own.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Did you ever get the be-flossed postcard I sent you from Thailand years ago? It was to be the first of a series from around the globe, but I am simply too lazy to follow through on these kinds of things.
You know, I think I did. God I should find that. In any case, assuming the floss reference leads me to the correct conclusion and you are who I think you are, link away! Just don't use my real name, eh?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you enjoyed this post. I am particularly proud of it.
muwahahahahahaha
ReplyDeletei can play with my wii anytime i like, and get a lot of satisfaction from it too.
hang on....that sounded a bit suss...