I watched the Accountant last night, and while not an amazing movie, it did make me think about autism a little bit. I've wondered off and on if I don't have some sort of cognitive disorder, where I'm still more or less high-functioning but perpetually unable to get my thoughts/life together for a variety of reasons.
It's not that I want to feel special, although that's a tendency I have and try to kill when i feel it germinating, it's that I'm wondering if there aren't practical, non-medical cognitive therapies that could help me get some of it under control. I'd like to be able to leave the house without going back checking the door/stove/sinks three times. I'd like to be able to leave meaningless tasks unfinished. I'd love to not shut down entirely in crowds or with loud noise. I'd love to be able to complete a single goddamn task with meticulous detail instead of getting bored and half-assing the end of it.
There are some general practices I'm still dragging my feet on implementing. Like less screen time, and more time devoted to meditation, yoga, just literally taking the time to let me body unclench every now and then. I've slowly been picking up book reading, and that feels good. Working on Not checking my phone when I need to wait 15 seconds for something. Writing, of course, always the writing. I'd like to feel like I can read a thing, or a few things, and then put intelligent words together and talk about it.
Cutting way back on pot his helping. Although the concurrent rise in anxiety probably needs I need to cut back on the caffeine as well. These chemical balances are all so delicate aren't they?
In short, I am not happy with my behavioral and cognitive habits and I aspire to function at a higher level than I currently enjoy.
