Kick-ass Tree

tree2
Originally uploaded by hbot3000.

"Oh Kick-ass tree, oh Kick-ass tree, how much you do kick aaasss?"

I am all class. A few more tree pics if you click through to flickr.

Happy Holidays everyone! May your holiday greed by ever-sated!

Sign of the coming apocalypse

The Seattle Seahawks have the best record in the NFC at 12-2 and the second best record in the league (they trail only the Colts, their next opponent this weekend). Oh my God the earth quaked when I wrote that sentence.

Start stocking up on food and water now. This may also be a good time to have a place to meet or a plan in case of severe societal disruption. This isn't a drill people! Move! Move!

Tales to WoW you, part 2

Day 3, Brill (Ruminations on Unlife)

***************************

"How many Rot Hide Gnolls did we kill today?" I ask , as we sit surveying the carnage in the field below.

"I don't know. 40 maybe?" Karibou is wiping the blood and ichor off of his sword.

"Filthy buggars. I hope the apothecary will be happy with the embalming fluid we collected from them. Ooh, I think I'll ask him if he has enough extra for another embalming treatment. I think I'm starting to rot again."

"Dude . . .." Karibou shakes his head. Clearly it was more than he needed to know.

"So, what's up with your name?" I ask as look through all the potentially valuable rubbish I picked off the rot hides.

"What do you mean?"

"Karibou kind of sounds like someone who's in touch with nature, like a druid or something. It's just strange since, you know, our goal in unlife is not so much to be in touch with nature as it is to kill it and twist it into a something resembling our own hideous state of undeath."

Karibou shrugs and stands up. Clearly he's decided he has no back-story either. "Let's go back to town and give this crap to the apothecary," he says.

"God I hate Brill." I mutter as we lope breathlessly (literally) back towards town.

"I know, it's a fucking rat's nest," he shakes his head.

"You know, I understand that as magically reanimated corpses we don't really worry about comfort anymore, but still, you'd think someone would pick up a fucking hammer at some point and fix the gaping holes in the walls. Seriously, we're supposed to be at war with the alliance and here we are with buildings that look like they'll collapse the next time we get a breeze passing through."

"Tru dat."

"I mean, for god's sake, pretty much all we have to worry about anymore is the war with humans and brewing up a new plague to rid the world of them once and for all. But I mean, we don't need to eat, sleep, take baths, nothing. I mean, I've got a lot of fucking time on my hands these days, and I can only roam the forests killing rot hides so much before it starts to get a little dull, you know?"

Karibout nods, clearly, and somewhat ironically, already bored with the conversation.

"I mean, you'd think a few of us would be resurrected neat freaks and would spend all this time we got obsessively cleaning and fixing up the place. Don't you think?"

"I dunno, maybe. Oh hey, there it is," Karibou points ahead, clearly eager to change the conversation.

"It's as lovely as I remember," I say as we head down the hill and into town. God I hate Brill.

***********LATER*************

"You know, I think I'm going to Undercity for a few days," I say as we pocket the pittance the apothecary gave us for our troubles.

"Why's that?" Karibou asks.

"I'm thinking of picking up a trade of some sort to fill in the hours when we're not out killing things." I think, looking off in the distance towards the ruined castle.

"A trade? You mean like sewing?" He seems doubtful.

"Well, I don't think I'm going to learn sewing per se, but something."

"Well, you go learn your knitting. I'm going to stay here and, you know, fight threats to the Forsaken."

"Hah, you do that. See you in a few days."

"Later. Hey, knit me a sweater while you're there."

"Bastard." And with that, I trot off to Undercity to find my non-sewing tradeskill destiny.

Tales to WoW you, part 1

Presented for your amusement I bring you tales of the many adventures of Karibou (Eric) and Gulveris (me) in World of Warcraft. Many of the incidents and conversations you read in this post and others probably never happened. But they COULD have. In any case, dear reader, they are sure to astound and WoW you (I know, I've made that bad pun twice now, and no, I'm not any happier with it than you are). Read on, intrepid adventurer!

Note: I mostly intend these to be funny and not self-indulgent fan fiction. That said, this will likely have waaay too much self-indulgent fan fiction and be the death of this blog. Enjoy!

Day 1, Deathnell (In which Our Heroes are introduced)

I pull the cobwebs off of my eyes and sit up, bones creaking. I jump out of the coffin I had so gracefully been dumped in and assess the situation. I smell horrible, my jaw won't close and my fingers and toes are nothing but bones. Oh good. I also appear to be rotting, which I guess explains the smell. I think back to my last memory and decide I have no back story. That settled, I step out into the crap hole that is Deathnell.

"Sup." An equally dead warrior staggers up to me as I wander the dilapidated town. He is also rotting. "Want to team up?"

I nod, catching my head before it falls too far foward. "Sorry, newly undead," I pop my neck back into joint. "Sure, let's go kill something."

"Karibou" he extends a bony hand.

"Gulveris." And we trot off to kill something.

***** LATER ******

"Wait up, I need to eat some mushrooms and regain some health." Karibou searches the wolf's remains before sitting down. "Holy shit, this wolf was carrying a bastard sword."

"Really?" I sit down and pull out some bread and begin munching.

"Yeah. I'm gonna use it."

"Cool. You don't wonder why the wolf was carrying that type of thing?" Karibou shrugs. I look down at the bread I'm eating. It looks good. "Why do we like eating bread?"

"What do you mean?"

"We're undead, right?" I continue chewing. I'm not sure if I'm tasting bread, or just remembering the flavor. "Shouldn't we crave brains or something?"

"I don't know." Karibou stands up, wielding his new bastard sword. "What I want to know is, how do you chew with your jaw hanging half-off like that?"

I self-consciously close it with my hand. "Been wondering that myself."

"Okay, let's go kill something." Karibou runs off towards a nearby wolf, dragging his sword behind him in the dirt.

"Okay." I stand up and pull out my daggers. Time to bring the gift of death to a world that needs it.

*********************

Me: What do you think of the game so far.
Eric: It's okay.
Me: You mind if I chronicle our adventures on the blog?
Eric: . . . I suppose.
Me: I'm running out of things to write about.
Eric: I see. Let's go kill something.
Me: Okay.

I sleep now

A few quick reviews in lieu of actual interesting posting.

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra is B-movie spoofing at its finest. I laughed quite heartily throughout, although it begins to wear at the end. Still, it has many classic lines that you will want to repeat over and over with your friends in public until the people haven't seen it yet get annoyed and tell you to shut up.

Alfred Hitchcock presents, season 1 is 39 episodes of entertainment. I find it quite enjoyable. And 39 episodes for one season? That is 2 normal seasons and 3 first seasons today.

Smallville is pretty good this season. Slightly less angst, a lot more comic book type action. Nice to see James Marsters back too. And the episode of Aquaman was classic. Rumor has it that they're going to do Aquaman as a TV series, although it won't be a spinoff of Smallville.

Of the 3 new Alien Invasion series, Surface is by far the best. In terms of actually moving the plot forward, weird and scary moments and great special effects for a TV series. Invasion is okay, but it feels like the plot is inching along. Like all they had was the premise and don't know what to do with it from there. Threshold is okay, sometimes it's really good, sometimes not. It's certainly the grossest. It will probably be the first to be cancelled though. Lost is still entertaining, but I still need to be convinced that the writers are going somewhere interesting with the show.

I went to a midnight showing of Harry Potter and found it pretty enjoyable. Although I continue to think of Harry as a mediocre individual, only able to do the things he does by cheating and the help of other people. But that's just a nitpick.

News Flash!

Okay, this may not be news to some of you, but after 3 near misses in traffic today, I have come to the following realization: I am a horrible driver. I think I was pretty decent at one point in time (or maybe not, who knows?). But now, oh god now, I'm amazed I'm still alive. So . . . yeah. Try and forget this post when you visit me and I insist on driving you around town.

Regurgitation Station

"So, when you want incredible entertainment experiences in your lap . . ." -- latest intel commercial.

I'm juvenile for thinking this is funny, I know, but I laughed a bit when I heard it. Does Intel really think they're the #1 source for "incredible entertainment" in your lap?

Regurgitation Station

"They said we were going to be greeted with sweets and flowers . . . they left out the crucial modifier 'exploding'" -- Al Franken

If only my house had this view

oh canada eh
Originally uploaded by hbot3000.

I want to go back to the Banff gondola. I didn't really have time to explore as much as I wanted to. Got some nice shots of the view though (which I'll finish posting to flickr later). Good times.

Funny Story, True Story

My Great Uncle Clyde has a son named Clyde Jr. and a daughter named Clydetta. I have mixed feelings about this.

A Dish Best Served Warm

Can y'all remember what you were doing 2 years ago? I remember exactly what I was doing. It was the day after my wedding.

On the way home S and I were talking about how helpful F. McMatty was at the wedding and how cute hbot3000 was in his tuxedo. We arrived home in a state of marital bliss. At the door I said: "Wait wait."I put down the bags and picked up my giggling bride. I carried her over the threshold and we were home this was to be our new life.

Immediately upon entering we were hit with an unholy stench, Shereen said, "Oh my God." I said, "Get out, get out." We left the door open hoping the apartment would air. Pixel stood at the screen door eyes watering, mewing piteously.

Shereen asked if I thought the cat was sick over the weekend while we were gone. I had my own suspicions. See, I remembered three hot and sunny California days prior when Todd and I went to the store. He asked if I had any draino. I asked why. He said, "Never mind I'll take care of it." We left it at that.

Oh, he took care of it all right. He made sure to spread that ungodly mess evenly about the toilet. Further inspection proved my worst fears to be true. And there was no water left in the bowl.

"Well, maybe it's disintegrated enough over the weekend." But I was wrong.

We watched in horror as the bowl kept filling and filling and filling, until it spilled over the edge. Shereen began gagging in the hall way and I just ran.

Yes, Todd Jarnes is on my shit list. I can hardly wait till he gets married. I'm cooking up something special even as I type. Though I hope it's soon, the constipation is killing me.

Regurgitation Station

"Yes, maybe Reno was disgusting. Yes, maybe it is a cesspool of vice and boredom . . . an abysmal hell-hole of nothingness . . . but, eh, we had a nice time." -- Captain Dwayne Hernandez (Reno 911)

The sentiments expressed in this quote are so perfect I can't begin to explain it to you.

Update on my life

I have thoughts I still need, nay, WANT to share with you all. But I've had the september blues. Also, I discovered that the druid is, in fact, my favorite class in World of Warcraft and that a Night Elf druid is incredibly fun to play. There's a certain joy to being able to transform into a big scary bear and a fierce sea lion. So, um, been spending a lot of time doing that. And hanging out with Lupita. And working. And stuff. But never fret, I haven't forgotten you. I'll post the best post ever next time. Promise.*

*I can't actually promise that.

I Play Penguin With the Train

I thought I should memorialize/eulogize this before it slips into nothingness:

"I'm big and black, clickety-clack"--Cowboy Troy

A brilliant magical tragedy happened in the 101 Safety Corridor, north of Eureka. Shereen, myself and S's friend Minnie from DC were going to the North Coast "Hippy Dippy" Fair. The truck in front of us pulled off the road and put on it's blinkers, and something black and white could be seen in the right hand lane. I saw it first, Shereen was driving and talking. I said, "Pull over into that lane." I didn't say, "Oh my god it's a live penguin." Because that would just be crazy. But Shereen and Minnie both said, "It's a penguin." And it was.

What space time warp brought this little penguin to waddle across 101 North thousands of miles from the artic circle? A surreal realization, almost like discovering a leprachaun under your rose bush. And our wonder lasted for 5 seconds, the next car nailed it. What the fuck was going on? Our car traveled on in silent horror all the way to Arcata. We haven't really brought it up since. Trying to forget.

I don't think it's last thought was, "Will you be my friend?" I think it was, "Holy shit what's a Volvo?"

As seen on TV

According to Arrested Development, the new ad campaign for Reno is:

Make the Biggest Little MIstake of Your Life in Reno.

I love this show.

Regurgitation Station

"Some of you may have heard me observe a time or two -- going back to when George W. was still governor of Texas -- that the trouble with the guy is that while he is good at politics, he stinks at governance. It bores him, he's not interested, he thinks government is bad to begin with and everything would be done better if it were contracted out to corporations.

We can now safely assert that W. has stacked much of the federal government with people like himself. And what you get when you put people in charge of government who don't believe in government and who are not interested in running it well is ... what happened after Hurricane Katrina.

Many a time in the past six years I have bit my tongue so I wouldn't annoy people with the always obnoxious observation, "I told you so." But, dammit it all to hell, I did tell you, and I've been telling you since 1994, and I am so sick of this man and everything he represents -- all the sleazy, smug, self-righteous graft and corruption and "Christian" moralizing and cynicism and tax cuts for all his smug, rich buddies.

Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention. " -- Molly Ivins

The Nighttime is the Right Time.

I love 4 am. It's just about the deadest part of the morning. Most of the late-nighters have called it quits, and most of the early risers aren't quite out on the road yet. There's always someone going somewhere, but from my window and the masterful view it commands of two freeways and a highway, I can see the cars are sparse. I was standing on my balcony just now, imagining the night was mine. I seemed to be the only one awake, why not take it? I was in the midst of envisioning my armies of the night stretched out before me when an actual denizen of the night came trotting into view. A coyote was daring the bright lights of civilization to hunt in the 50 foot strip of mostly unspoiled land just outside my window. He was hunting in kind of an S-pattern, stopping every now and then to dig something up and crunch it. But he (or she) was crunching pretty loud for an animal that's supposed to be a hunter. Anyway, the cat came out on the porch to see what was up and I shooed him inside, instantly filled with visions of him leaping off the porch to Coyote Doom. I think he's smart enough not to jump off, but I live a life of paranoia. Anyway, he eventually wound his way right in front of me, dared to jump into a close patch of rocks, eat something and dash out. He/she/it was cute in a "I'll savage your hamstrings" kind of way. Not much point to this post, just sharing the experience. Also, I hope to win the award for "best post between 4 and 5 am" with this one. Fingers crossed.

While I'm at it . . .

Okay, here's another un-PC comment, if you're Adventist. In the midst of the mild to serious spiritual crises in which I find myself, there is one thing that decidedly doesn't help me. The prophet of our church was hit in the head by a rock, and proceeded to have visions afterward. Hit in the head, followed by visions. If I recall correctly, this was framed as her succeeding with God's help despite the problems caused by the rock injury and then being God's instrument as his prophet and receiving his visions. Looking at it today, I have a hard time as seeing the rock injury and the visions as an un-related thing. Why didn't that ever come up when we were younger? I suppose it's a matter of greater faith to believe the visions were real rather than rock-inspired, but you have to admit, a compelling case could be made that there were no paranormal explanations needed. Of course, I'm no doctor, so I don't know if head trauma can lead directly to hallucinations years later, but it seems well within the realm of possibility. Am I remembering this wrong? I admit it's been a while since I thought about the story.

Two pluses help me here. One, while I heard a lot of EGW talk privately, church activities still seemed to be largely Bible-based. Which I approve of. If we idolized her a bit more it would be harder to swallow. Second, I actually like some of EGW's books, especially the ones she wrote later in life, because I believe she achieved some better enlightenment and became more mellow and far less strident. She may have postulated that black people came from ancestors and monkeys mating or some garbage, and tried a little too hard to make science fit the genesis accounts, but I'm willing to forgive that as the sins of a mildly ignorant and dogmatic youth. I'd like to think that as she aged she realized some of her past beliefs were some form of bullshit.

WTFWJD?

Come on, you know that's funny.

Kind of like Heaven . . .

gondola2
Originally uploaded by hbot3000.

. . . but the parking is terrible.

Riding the heavenly gondola is one of my favorite things to do at Tahoe. I got some nice pictures at the top. Josh and Lupita and I went up. We even saw a glider get towed up to a high altitude and released while we were there. It was pretty keen. Parking, driving around, and interacting with the hordes of people that Tahoe is currently ill-equipped to accomodate remains one of my least favorite things to do.