Because I like to Torture you

A random poem/short story that formed in my head on the way back from the beach.

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The kingdom of Sune has a long and proud history of monarchs who believe the stories of their own magnificence a little too much. One such monarch, a king by the name of Harold the 3rd but So Much More Awesome than the Other Two Harolds (sometimes abbreviated as Harold S.M.M.A.O.T.H and later simply Harold Smith) was particularly impressed with himself and insisted that the world bend to his wishes, as soon as he made is magnificent desires known (indeed, he had a hard time comprehending why it WOULDN'T). On a particularly sunny day, in the hottest part of what was known on the Sune calendar as "Harold's 4th least favorite month"*, in a fit of pique, he wrote the following poem and read it imperiously from his balcony:

"Oh infernal orb, that dwells within the sky,
With impertinence and daring, you have burned the royal eye!
Who are you, oh orb, to deflect my gaze aside?
If at noon I wish to stare straight up I will not be denied!

While, oh orb, I must admit, you cause our crops to grow,
Must you do it in such a way that burns our pale skin so?
Orb you must burn dimmer, we could surely do with less,
And while you consider my command I'll take a nap I guess."

Of course, what the sun actually did is now well known to every school child. When Harold woke up from his nap he found his kingdom cloaked in darkness and his subjects in panic. This state of affairs continued for 3 days, at which point a particularly brave advisor to the king suggested a solution. At which point, King Harold Smith wrote a new poem and stepped out onto his balcony at what he guessed to be noon and recited the following:

"Oh illustrious orb, you have honored our request.
Upon further thought, I must admit, this may not be what is best.
Our crops you see are dying, and I cannot see the sea.
Perhaps you would consider, burning as bright as you used to be?

Our advisors, you see, are clever, they think we both can win,
if we wear shades on our eyes, and put cream on our skin.
So, orb, please keep burning, we probably won't get fried,
and next time we feel like commanding thee orb, we'll keep those words inside."

Of course, as we all know, the sun did come back and Harold Smith and his advisors did indeed invent shades for the eyes that protected against glare and cream for the skin that protected against burning, first for his royal majesty and later for the entire kingdom. Which is, of course, where Suneglasses (or more recently "Sunglasses") come from. And now you know.


* (which of course was followed immediately by the month known as "Harold's 8th least favorite month" which of course is why it is so hard to accurately date any historical events in Sune as each monarch's first official act was typically to abolish the old calendar and created a new one that accurately reflected their own magnificence. This also explained why official court historians and record keepers were forcibly appointed rather than chosen from a group of volunteers.)