On the assumption that my emotional life is more or less . . . contained, I have started tackling the thing that seems best right now, my sleep schedule. In the past, my spoiled prince sleep schedule has been the subject of much self loathing, and recrimination, which while satisfying to the conservative voice of judgement in my brain, isn't of much practical value. This time it proceeds more from a system of wants. I want to get up early enough to exercise or hike. When I get up late I feel the day is wasted and lost all drive to do anything. I want to get off of work to socialize when non-vampires want to (if they can overlook my thirst for human blood, I can overlook the tendency to go to bed at night).
Also, it has helped to kind of name why I don't like to go to bed. It's a greater symptom of my other mental problems, an inability to deal with the present moment, or to let go of moments that are past. I don't go to bed because I'm not ready to face tomorrow, or I'm not ready to let go of the fact that I've wasted another day. So I do nothing in a mental haze basically as a form of putting off uncomfortable situations that tomorrow will bring.
Anyway, between figuring out the cause, and wanting to get up badly enough, I've managed to keep a reasonable sleep schedule for the last 3 days. Not quite a personal best, but close enough (if you consider the last ten years or so). I've done this before, but haven't usually managed to keep it up for more than 2 weeks or so. We'll see how it goes. But for now, feeling good about getting up early. Actually made it out for a 3-mile, one hour hike/jog today too. Although I'd like to roll back the sleep schedule a little earlier so I can take longer hikes. I think ideally I'd like a 11pm bed time and a 7am wake-up, out the door by 8 to hike. Which seems ridiculous to the vampire in me, but eh, he's kind of a putz. All fake blood and counting.
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