Random Thoughts

We first demonize people because it's wrong to harm a person. If they're not a person really, then the rules are different, aren't they? We're a fun species, aren't we? So much investment in the suffering of other, carefully-defined-as-lesser people. We think their suffering is both corrective and just because they are lesser. Convenient!

Still thinking about something I saw on twitter about addiction largely being about a life that feels too painful to be present for. That one hit right in the gizzard. That's me and games right there. To some much lesser degree alcohol and pot. I could give up alcohol and pot in a heartbeat for meaningful human connection. Games have a stronger hook.

Beyond that, have I had a painful life? Less painful than some, but more than I admit to I think. My relationships have been incredibly painful to me. I didn't even think about dating for years after each of my long-term relationships. Leaving my religion and coming out of the closet and wandering the earth* isolated and alone has been painful. It's probably less about "how much pain has your life had?" than "are you dealing with your pain?" though. I probably need to deal with my pain. So that sounds fun.

I am still waiting for a divine revelation about what my purpose in life is. I suspect I will keep waiting. It would be nice to find a cause or a community to get excited about again though.

The only prayer I pray right now is "My cat is dying** and I am lost. Help me." I am not sure who I am praying to.

*sitting my apartment.

**There's nothing really to do for her. She gets fluids and meds, but kidney failure is a long, slow decline. I spoil her as much as I can.