Sunday, October 21, 2018

Dialogue from the expanse: a sample

I'm enjoying the expanse books, but good lord, Holden's internal dialogue is tedious. He seems boring on the outside on the show, and when you read the books you realize he is also incredibly dull on the inside!

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"The thing is, I wouldn't normally go for someone like Naomi. She wasn't immediately physically attractive to me, which is confusing!" said Holden, while making coffee.

"Is that right Cap?" replies Amos, as he looks into the distance, contemplating murder. Amos is not thinking of murdering anyone in particular, he just likes murder.

In the corner, Sgt. Roberta Draper is smirking at Holden. She is cleaning her power armor again. In the kitchen for some reason.

"You see, I know everything about computers and ships, but my main purpose is teaching Holden to see women as complete human beings. Don't you think that's important?" Naomi is talking to Sgt. Draper, desperately trying to convince herself Holden is any more interesting than the toast she ate this morning. Actually, come to think of it, that toast was mixed grain with nuts. Naomi bites her lip.

"Yes, ma'am." Roberta says. She is still smirking at Holden and oiling the joints of her power armor. So many joints. So much oil.

"But I also like curvy Polynesian women, I used to stare at them when I was stationed there." says Holden earnestly. He is talking to no one in particular.

"That sure is somethin' Cap." says Amos, his fingers curled around the invisible throat of an imagined victim.

From the upper decks Alex shouts, "Hey y'aaaaaaaaaaallll. Is flying ships great, or what?"

"Take Sgt. Draper." says Holden to his coffee mug. "I don't know whether to come on to her or flee. Because she is sexually attractive to me, but also large enough to be intimidating. But I already have a totally great girlfriend I am completely committed to. What a conundrum!"

Amos does not reply. He is catatonic, lost in a reverie of murder.

Sgt. Roberta Draper's smirk increases in size until her body is eclipsed entirely. She is the cheshire cat of Mars. Before long they both fade from view entirely. The only sign she existed is some extremely well-oiled power armor.

From below decks, Avasarala yells, "Where's my fucking tea, you fucking incompetents!" She is drunk again and by "tea" she means "gin."


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