Soooo, after many complaints of my loud, heard-from-several-rooms-away snoring on vacation this summer, and talking about these and other symptoms with my physician, I went to a sleep clinic. The nice doctor palpitated the fleshy outsides of my throat and took a peak at the topside of my airway and declared "You have a small throat!" After a brief discussion on how that affects my worth as a man (a conversation which was entirely imaginary), she told me I probably have sleep apnea (which was not imaginary). I don't think this is a big deal, it's generally not a serious condition, but now I have to go do a sleep test this coming Tuesday night. As far as I can tell this involves being wired up to 50 machines and then asked to sleep. so, you know, fun.
My only concern is that it's being run by a cult and I'll wake up the next morning brain-washed. "Why yes, I do worship a highly evolved form of the color purple, why do you ask?"
In any case, I do not look forward to sleeping with a breathing mask. Although I suppose it does have darth vader appeal.
"LUKE! I am your pillow!"
Condolences.
ReplyDeleteIn other new, I found a small bump on the head of my penis! Don't you have to, you know, have SEX to get an STD? I will be monitoring this situation closely and let you know the latest news as soon as I know it.
I had a former boss tell me he had sleep apnea. To top it off, his situation was even more dire: he had heart problems as well...so when he stopped breathing whilst asleep his heart would flutter wildly and he would wake up thinking (this is my guess now) that he was swimming under three feet of orange jello. Why orange, you ask? Sometimes it is better not to ask such questions.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, the long and the short of it was this: the doctors told my former boss to go back to drinking large amounts of coffee and soda during the day, since that appeared to help him out with his heart problems and might also help out with his sleeping problems.
This had made me wonder: if I go to the doctor to have the mole on my face checked out, will he suggest that I return to my fried chicken only diet and week-long binge drinking in order to find a cure? Perhaps.
Maybe you, H, should try the above to help you out. Alcohol and deep fried chicken skins are bound to make you sleep better.