Tuesday night I was wired to a circuit board in a manner somewhat reminiscent of the matrix. I was then asked to fall asleep, which did not go as planned. 3 blissful, wired-to-15-instruments hours later I guess I finally did, although I don't think I slept very well, for reasons that were difficult to fathom.
2 days later they informed me that the results of the test indicate that I have mild to moderate sleep apnea, which is not a problem in the short run, but possibly leads to bigger health problems long term. They casually mentioned that if I WANTED they'd be happy to remove my uvula, tonsils and assorted unnecessary fleshy bits at the back of my throat. I decided to forego that option in favor of positive pressure air masks favored by sith lords and bounty hunters alike. But other than questionable bedtime machinery, I am fine.
Apart, that is, from a nagging suspicion that I was programmed with a secret objective by whatever agency uses the sleep clinic as a front. I keep trying to find my trigger phrase.
"Apocalypse cow!"
"The Blind Pig Flies North."
etc.
I should probably stop.
And in the future we'll all be saying that Hbot3000 is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.
ReplyDeleteTurns out the "sleep clinic" is run be Quebecois seperatists keen to incite violent protests and disorder in the streets of . . . Quebec. Or wherever the hell they're from. We'd be more concerned if we could be bothered to care.