Thursday, December 22, 2005

Kick-ass Tree


tree2
Originally uploaded by hbot3000.
"Oh Kick-ass tree, oh Kick-ass tree, how much you do kick aaasss?"

I am all class. A few more tree pics if you click through to flickr.

Happy Holidays everyone! May your holiday greed by ever-sated!

Monday, December 19, 2005

Sign of the coming apocalypse

The Seattle Seahawks have the best record in the NFC at 12-2 and the second best record in the league (they trail only the Colts, their next opponent this weekend). Oh my God the earth quaked when I wrote that sentence.

Start stocking up on food and water now. This may also be a good time to have a place to meet or a plan in case of severe societal disruption. This isn't a drill people! Move! Move!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Tales to WoW you, part 2

Day 3, Brill (Ruminations on Unlife)

***************************

"How many Rot Hide Gnolls did we kill today?" I ask , as we sit surveying the carnage in the field below.

"I don't know. 40 maybe?" Karibou is wiping the blood and ichor off of his sword.

"Filthy buggars. I hope the apothecary will be happy with the embalming fluid we collected from them. Ooh, I think I'll ask him if he has enough extra for another embalming treatment. I think I'm starting to rot again."

"Dude . . .." Karibou shakes his head. Clearly it was more than he needed to know.

"So, what's up with your name?" I ask as look through all the potentially valuable rubbish I picked off the rot hides.

"What do you mean?"

"Karibou kind of sounds like someone who's in touch with nature, like a druid or something. It's just strange since, you know, our goal in unlife is not so much to be in touch with nature as it is to kill it and twist it into a something resembling our own hideous state of undeath."

Karibou shrugs and stands up. Clearly he's decided he has no back-story either. "Let's go back to town and give this crap to the apothecary," he says.

"God I hate Brill." I mutter as we lope breathlessly (literally) back towards town.

"I know, it's a fucking rat's nest," he shakes his head.

"You know, I understand that as magically reanimated corpses we don't really worry about comfort anymore, but still, you'd think someone would pick up a fucking hammer at some point and fix the gaping holes in the walls. Seriously, we're supposed to be at war with the alliance and here we are with buildings that look like they'll collapse the next time we get a breeze passing through."

"Tru dat."

"I mean, for god's sake, pretty much all we have to worry about anymore is the war with humans and brewing up a new plague to rid the world of them once and for all. But I mean, we don't need to eat, sleep, take baths, nothing. I mean, I've got a lot of fucking time on my hands these days, and I can only roam the forests killing rot hides so much before it starts to get a little dull, you know?"

Karibout nods, clearly, and somewhat ironically, already bored with the conversation.

"I mean, you'd think a few of us would be resurrected neat freaks and would spend all this time we got obsessively cleaning and fixing up the place. Don't you think?"

"I dunno, maybe. Oh hey, there it is," Karibou points ahead, clearly eager to change the conversation.

"It's as lovely as I remember," I say as we head down the hill and into town. God I hate Brill.

***********LATER*************

"You know, I think I'm going to Undercity for a few days," I say as we pocket the pittance the apothecary gave us for our troubles.

"Why's that?" Karibou asks.

"I'm thinking of picking up a trade of some sort to fill in the hours when we're not out killing things." I think, looking off in the distance towards the ruined castle.

"A trade? You mean like sewing?" He seems doubtful.

"Well, I don't think I'm going to learn sewing per se, but something."

"Well, you go learn your knitting. I'm going to stay here and, you know, fight threats to the Forsaken."

"Hah, you do that. See you in a few days."

"Later. Hey, knit me a sweater while you're there."

"Bastard." And with that, I trot off to Undercity to find my non-sewing tradeskill destiny.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Tales to WoW you, part 1

Presented for your amusement I bring you tales of the many adventures of Karibou (Eric) and Gulveris (me) in World of Warcraft. Many of the incidents and conversations you read in this post and others probably never happened. But they COULD have. In any case, dear reader, they are sure to astound and WoW you (I know, I've made that bad pun twice now, and no, I'm not any happier with it than you are). Read on, intrepid adventurer!

Note: I mostly intend these to be funny and not self-indulgent fan fiction. That said, this will likely have waaay too much self-indulgent fan fiction and be the death of this blog. Enjoy!


Day 1, Deathnell (In which Our Heroes are introduced)

I pull the cobwebs off of my eyes and sit up, bones creaking. I jump out of the coffin I had so gracefully been dumped in and assess the situation. I smell horrible, my jaw won't close and my fingers and toes are nothing but bones. Oh good. I also appear to be rotting, which I guess explains the smell. I think back to my last memory and decide I have no back story. That settled, I step out into the crap hole that is Deathnell.

"Sup." An equally dead warrior staggers up to me as I wander the dilapidated town. He is also rotting. "Want to team up?"

I nod, catching my head before it falls too far foward. "Sorry, newly undead," I pop my neck back into joint. "Sure, let's go kill something."

"Karibou" he extends a bony hand.

"Gulveris." And we trot off to kill something.

***** LATER ******

"Wait up, I need to eat some mushrooms and regain some health." Karibou searches the wolf's remains before sitting down. "Holy shit, this wolf was carrying a bastard sword."

"Really?" I sit down and pull out some bread and begin munching.

"Yeah. I'm gonna use it."

"Cool. You don't wonder why the wolf was carrying that type of thing?" Karibou shrugs. I look down at the bread I'm eating. It looks good. "Why do we like eating bread?"

"What do you mean?"

"We're undead, right?" I continue chewing. I'm not sure if I'm tasting bread, or just remembering the flavor. "Shouldn't we crave brains or something?"

"I don't know." Karibou stands up, wielding his new bastard sword. "What I want to know is, how do you chew with your jaw hanging half-off like that?"

I self-consciously close it with my hand. "Been wondering that myself."

"Okay, let's go kill something." Karibou runs off towards a nearby wolf, dragging his sword behind him in the dirt.

"Okay." I stand up and pull out my daggers. Time to bring the gift of death to a world that needs it.

*********************

Me: What do you think of the game so far.
Eric: It's okay.
Me: You mind if I chronicle our adventures on the blog?
Eric: . . . I suppose.
Me: I'm running out of things to write about.
Eric: I see. Let's go kill something.
Me: Okay.