In the beginning, God hovered over the surface of the water. Well, not THE beginning, if you want to get all technical about it. For quite some time matter had been spinning, orbiting, condensing, expanding, and shooting truly offensive nocturnal emissions of noise and light into the void where anyone could see it. Except there wasn't anyone to see it, it just kind of happened and that was that. It had begun, but so what?
After several billion years of this, the measurement of one orbit of one planet of one star out of countless gazillions, something peered in from just outside space, with curious and envious eyes. Had a being been there and attuned to the right wavelengths and vibrations and other woo woo bullshit, they might have seen the Breach. The sense of something nearby but infinitely far away suddenly pressed up against the universal membrane and then something like a tiny pink tentacle poking through above one planet orbiting one star in one galaxy.
Had this neutral observer continued to look, they would have seen it rapidly expand downward until it hovered just over the face of the water. Ever so gently drifting down into this filthy amino soup until contact was made and something was imparted. Exchanged. Tiny tendrils of life seeping outwards from the God appendage, until eventually oceans were covered in a luminous net of information streaming back and forth to and from the Great Tentacle in the Sky.
Matter, caught in this net of foreign influence, began to jiggle and wiggle and recombine and interact in increasingly complicated and filthy ways, which led to more matter and more complicated matter and quickly spiraled well beyond the limits of good taste and sportsmanship. But they did and so they could and they could and so they did and the web of of tendrils connecting matter to the God Appendage, which someone with an obsessive need to label everything might call "the Web of Life", effortlessly kept pace, spinning from one to two and from two to more and then later to a whole hell of a lot more. And while there wasn't anything resembling thought happening the general vibe was that what happened in the primordial ocean STAYED in the primordial ocean, except for the bits the Great Tentacle sucked greedily in into the Breach.
Of course, it wasn't all fun and games. The wiggling would eventually stop and the information the tendril would withdraw and return to the network that fed the Great Tentacle, returning what had passed down back up the chain, back through the Breach and outside of what would eventually come to be known as spacetime. But matter wiggled against matter, creating more matter, and they all got a bit fatter and the party wiggled on.
As matter found new shapes to wiggle into it gained a impression, and then over quite a long time a sense, a sort of general vibe, an awareness, and eventually what you might finally call a sort of consciousness, at least sometimes. Kinda. I guess.
As luck would have it, over the same period of time it had refined the wiggling appendages through trial and error, first as tendrils in homage to the Great Web and then fins, and flippers, and so on. In a truly shocking coincidence, the first bit of complicated matter, a creature you might say, to develop legs also happened to be the first to develop a sense of shame.
Disgusted with the absolutely depraved nature of life in those swinging seas, the first creature took its first tentative steps on land. Unfortunately, it had not had the good sense to develop lungs first, so back into those wretched waves it went. But still the proof of concept was sound, and eventually the wet little hedonists wiggled onto the rocks and sand, late to the party more sedate forms of life with a stronger sense of propriety had started several millennia earlier. It didn't matter, a party's a party.
And so the tendrils of the Great Tentacle in the Sky covered the earth, sending increasingly complicated and steady streams of information to and from the Breach. A vast consciousness had enmeshed itself in an active but sterile universe and established a beachhead. And it was good. If you were the kind of pervert who was into that kind of thing.
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