Russian Dolls

"And now I'm stuck with a body that is broken, in a world that is literally falling apart, and a mind that wants to kill me."

"Sweetheart, where is that gorgeous piece of you fighting to be part of this world?"

It is a golden age of sympathetic dramas about depression and I am here for it. The quotes above are from the penultimate episode of Russian Doll, where Alan and Nadia are having their quiet moments of truth before the finale upsets the apple cart again, and those two conversations happen at roughly the same time and they both really spoke to me. In one, Alan is finally admitting he's been feeling broken and had been pulling away for a long time, well before his girlfriend called it off. And in the other Ruth is talking to her ward Nadia, remembering how hard she fought to live and survive the mental illness of her mother and wondering where that fight is now.

They are both echoes of the same kind of depression and detachment and you really get the sense that the author(s) have been through the shit. Sure, on some level it's unsurprising that in a country where rates of suicide, drug use, and depression are steadily climbing, that we're suddenly flooded with excellent dramas with real and frank depictions of depression and the societal detachment that comes with it. It's also beautiful. People who have been through the shit and survived sending back lifelines to those who may be struggling.

Cynically, I'm tempted to assume that "depressed" is just another lucrative marketing demographic, and entertainment media have consequently risen to the task of monetizing our misery. But that cynicism would be more compelling if the writers of many of these shows weren't clearly speaking with love to the intended audience and writing story arcs clearly intended to specifically break through cynicism and nudge people forward.

Respect for the struggle. May you all find your way to breaking free.