In order to get myself back into blogging, I have decided to finish some of the WoW stories that I had in my head when Eric and I were playing. In addition to getting my blogging groove back, I expect to drive the remaining portion of my readers screaming into the twisting nether with my god-awful prose, thus making them able to find this blog afresh later on, as we both start anew.
With that, read on! If you can stomach it . . . and be warned, I don't feel like spell-checking today (you know, I think I have a future in public relations). Also, I'm not sure, but in my mind undead swear as much as possible, so apologies for that.
When we last left Gulveris and Karibou, Gulveris had wandered off to Undercity to find his destiny leaving Karibou to fight the denizens of Tirisfal Glades alone.
(SCENE: Karibou fights a battle against two hideous murlocs in northern portion of Tirisfal Glades.)
The Sounds of Battle: CLANG! SMASH! Mrggrggglrlgle (that was a murloc) THUNK! SLICE! POW! (Adam West was riding by) CLANG! . . . . BOOOOOOOOOM!
Karibou: . . .
Gulveris: Hey, Karibou! Looks like I arrived in the nick of time!
Karibou: . . .
Gulveris: (Looking Confused, which is difficult when your jaw has almost fallen off) What?
Karibou: . . . What . . . (spits out murloc foot) . . . the fuck . . . (removes murloc eye from his own eye socket) . . . was that!
Gulveris: Oh, you mean the method of your deliverance from those rotten little savages? Well, I'm glad you asked, it was (rummages in back-pack and soon hefts a red stick) Dynamite! Cool, huh?
Karibou: Gul, right now I'm tasting murloc toe-jam, I am nearly deaf from the explosion (and possibly the murloc spleen lodged in my ear) and I have, if I am not mistaken, a fucking fish femur sticking through what's left of my lower intestine.
Gulveris: You know, a little gratitude would be nice. (Begins to perform first aid while casually picking murloc remains off of his friend).
Karibou: (with a hint of sarcasm) Yes, thank you Gulveris, if it hadn't been for you I might have easily killed two murlocs without draping myself with their entrails.
Gulveris: (Finishes bandaging Karibou) There, that should keep you together until the Apothecary can look at you.
Karibou: . . . Gul, you packed murloc intestine in with my personal intestines.
Gulveris: Well, you shouldn't have left yours hanging out like that then!
Karibou: (Irritated) I . . . Didn't!
Gulveris: Oh, you'll get over it. What, are you worried it will get infected? Anyway, enough of your bitching and moaning, guess what I did in Undercity?
Karibou: Well, you either explored your necro-sexuality in ways I don't want to hear about or you learned to make dynamite.
Gulveris: (Laughing) Silly, Karibou, why can't it be both! In any case, you are looking at the newest member of the Undercity Engineering Guild! Look how much dynamite I made! (hefts back-pack crammed with explosives towards Karibou)
Karibou: (Steps quickly back) Congratulations, you have managed to complete number 32 on my list of "Ways Gulveris is Likely to Get me Killed" just under "Pushed into Lava" and just over "Trampled by Kodo".
Gulveris: Oh stop it. These things are perfectly safe (starts tossing a stick of dynamite lightly into the air). A sizable majority of my graduating class managed to do so with their limbs intact.
Karibou: Fine! Fine. I'll take your word for it. You know, your natural inclination to get me killed aside, your massive bag of explosives has great potential. Let's blow something up.
Gulveris: (Grinning) I thought you'd never ask! Look at that rabbit!
BOOOOM!
Karibou: (Clapping excitedly) Ooh, that was fun. Now me!
Gulveris: (tossing stick to Karibou) Sure, here you go!
Karibou: (Briefly glaring at Gulveris for tossing high explosive at him. Then trying to light the dynamite) Hey, how do I light this thing? Why can't I ignite the fuse?
Gulveris: (Looking embarrassed) Ah, I forgot. Let me see it? (retrieves dynamite) I'm afraid you won't be able to use this dynamite because you're not an engineer.
Karibou: What do you mean? It's just light and throw right?
Gulveris: (looking smug) Oh, I'm afraid it's much more complicated than that.
Karibou: (looking increasingly irritated) What the fuck is so complicated about "light and throw"!
Gulveris: (thinking hard, then condescendingly) Well, there are many aspects to it that a non-engineer just isn't likely to grasp.
Karibou: Like what?! (Making exasperated motions with hands) You just light and throw! Light and throw!
Gulveris: Well, for one thing an engineer would know to keep his calm around a large satchel full of dynamite. Oh, you know what! I totally forgot, I learned a new recipe just before I left! (Rummages in satchel and comes up with a pink stick of dynamite painted with flowers and puppies and a plastic cap on top) Here, try this one!
Karibou: (Looking at the stick skeptically) What the hell is that?
Gulveris: You my friend are looking at "EZ-throw" dynamite. Fun for engineers and non-engineers alike!
Karibou: So what, I can only use the kiddie dynamite? How freaking insulting is that? And why did you paint it pink! What, am I 12?
Gulveris: Well, if you were 12 you would be substantially more grateful about receiving high explosives I think.
Karibou: I'm not 12!
Gulveris: I thought you'd like it!
Karibou: Gul, pink dynamite painted with flowers and puppies will NOT strike fear into the hearts of my enemies!
Gulveris: You know I think you're just cranky because you stink like murloc intestine.
Karibou: . . .
Gulveris: (realizing the situation is going downhill) Wait, look how easy it is! (Pops plastic cap off of EZ-throw dynamite and tosses backwards down to the beach).
In the distance: BOOOOOM! Mrglglgrlelglelrle! (Both turn to look at the pack of furious murlocs racing up the hill towards them)
Karibou: Number 23.
Gulveris: "Killed by a pack of furious murlocs?"
Karibou: Yup.
Gulveris: You know me too well.
Karibou: (Pulls out his sword) To know you is to hate you.
Gulveris: Aw quit yer bitchin', I have a plan.
Karibou: Me too.
Gulveris: Mine's better. You charge and hold them off while I destroy them with dynamite.
Karibou: . . .
Gulveris: What?
Mrlglggggrlgrlgl!
(to be continued . . .)
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