Post-Finale

Like, the highly controversial How I Met Your Mother Finale, I have been unable to look at Seinfeld's previous seasons the same way after the series finale. I seem to be one of the few who both enjoyed those finales and found them a fitting end to each series, even though they weren't the end I saw coming. Actually, maybe BECAUSE they weren't the end I saw coming.

In watching previous seasons of Seinfeld, I knew they were kind of selfish curmugeons, but I never thought, "oh, these are truly awful people." I feel like a lot of the controversy came from some small misunderstanding about what these people were. Seinfeld finalized the series by laying out just how much those four miscreants had screwed over anyone else in their lives, because to him that was probably always how he viewed them (he and Larry David seem big into mining their self-loathing as comedic material), and the fans kind of recoiled in horror. "What kind of people have we been rooting for?" they asked. "Well," replied Jerry, "what kind of people did you really think they were?" I think for all of their faults, the characters were easy to get attached to, and I think suddenly pointing out that these were, in fact, terrible people made people a little defensive, because they had grown fond of them.

Of course, the complaint may have been largely tonal. The finale kind of had a "well, you four have had your fun at the expense of everyone else, and now the joke's over" kind of tone, which is kind of a down note for a comedy series to end on. It was the equivalent of turning the house lights on and telling everyone it was time to go home. Seinfeld had always existed in an absurd alternate universe, and to end on such a "realistic" note just seems discordant in retrospect.

Still, I find I appreciate it. Initially, I liked watching a "show about nothing" and just kind of laughing along with the loveable goofballs. Now, I can't help but notice how every single episode involves one of the 4 screwing up something important for one of their friends out of sheer selfishness, short-sightedness, and insecurity. Now that I rewatch it post finale, I can't believe I never really noticed just how terrible they all are, and how entertaining it is to watch one spectacular implosion after another. I think when I first watched it, I subconsciously attributed their troubles to sitcomical bad luck. But of course, they brought it on themselves every time. OF COURSE they did. How did I not see that until the last episode?

Nothing brings home "the party's over" feel of the finale and just how oblivious the four are, than the moment after the verdict is announced, and most of the series regulars cheer triumphantly and leave to celebrate. Left behind are the grief-stricken relatives, which are partly played for laughs (Frank Costanza shaking a collapsed Estelle shouting that he wants to beat the traffic out of there), but frankly the look on Jerry's parents is just devastating. They are deflated, defeated and sad. I find I want to hug them. And, of course, his family isn't even on Jerry's radar. This is not surprising, coming from the man who sincerely remarks that using less milk in his cereal is the hardest thing he's ever had to do. It seems a little too real though for a light-hearted show though.

And finally, they end right where they started, with the same conversation that started the series, having gained nothing and grown not an inch, on their way to a prison sentence they will likely learn nothing from. Honestly it seems apt. They are cartoonish caricatures of people, eternally selfish, narcissistic and shallow, who learn nothing. It's why they're funny. They'll never do anything surprising or out of character or new. And I love them more now than I did then.

The Last Man on Earth

I'm still fascinated by this show. It has very unusual pacing and is a weird mix of comedy and melancholy beauty, and I find it utterly fascinating. It manages to capture intense loneliness and cringingly awkward insecurity, poor social skills and painful, agonizing personal growth all at the same time.  Tandy's ongoing nightmare, where the end of the world erased the socially awkward side of his life entirely, only to have it return with a vengeance as he find survivors is so painfully resonant.

It's kind of a painful truth to realize that no matter how you change your situation, or where you go, the problems you need to work through to be a happier, saner, healthier person follow relentlessly. In Tandy's case, even the end of the world isn't a big enough distraction from the problems created by his severely arrested development. He hovers constantly on the precipice of self knowledge, but neurotically drives himself back into his old habits, and it's so painful to watch. And beautiful. I can't look away.

Totally not a Cult

I'm watching the new Hulu series called The Path right now. Which seems like a really good and a really bad idea. A surprising amount of the portrayal of cult life reminds me of Adventist life, which I am surprised to find surprising. I mean, we used to talk about how Adventism used to be a cult, but was now considered a respectable religion. We were all jazzed to realize we were not technically part of a cult, despite the many cultish aspects of the lifestyle. It is both helpful in confronting it, and borderline triggering.

The major difference of course, is that you can leave Adventism without threat of violence, which is important to note. Which isn't to say there aren't guilt trips, peer pressure, mind games and loss of community involved, but no real threat of force or overt coercion. So that's positive. Also, Adventists are strict teetotalers, so the pot and the ayahuasca would be right out.

That said, a lot of the portrayals of cult life were uncomfortably resonant. The jargon, that you all use so much you forget it sounds weird to outside observers. The focus on The Future, where sinners will be destroyed for their sins and a chosen few, the cultists of course, will be saved to create a bright new future. The prophet, widely believed to have access to divine wisdom. The strict legalism, especially concerning sexuality and marriage. The resulting sexual repression leading to weird and neurotic sexual behavior.

I'll probably keep watching it, but it's a roller coaster if you've ever lived anything close to something like that experience. On the bright side, feeling constantly weird is starting to make more sense to me. I grew up in a weird religion, that was totally not a cult* apparently!

*It just felt like one. Frequently.

That Hideous Strength

I'm two chapters into That Hideous Strength, the final chapter in C. S. Lewis' 1946 space trilogy. I'm reading through some of his work again from a post-christian perspective, as I believe I've mentioned. So far, it's been a lot of university politics, which was something Lewis dealt a lot with in his life. Having read Alan Jacob's biography on the man, it's interesting to watch some of his complaints about academic culture work itself out in his fiction.

In particular is the loathing Lewis had for the "Inner Circle," which must have been a dynamic that irked him in his dealings with people. Actually, you get the real sense that that kind of thing stuck in his craw. This is the all too human tendency to throw all principle aside in order to fit in with some exclusive social circle that fancies itself the cream of the human crop. The story starts with a small college campus being taken over by a small cabal of professors who fancy themselves the progressive element in order to sell off part of the college to the bad guys.

My favorite part so far though was the small aside about spending some time in a small wooded area kept by the college, with an ancient well at the center that has been preserved for centuries. The quiet seemed nice just to read about. I think I just need to get out into the forest more.

I don't know, the jesus talk doesn't move me much, and his views on women can be a little cringey, but there are some sensibilities C.S. Lewis had that I really resonate with:  college life is nice, people are frustrating, there's magic in the forest. Check, check, check. Good stuff.

Such as they are

The thoughts I have
such as they are
well up in the shower
or on my walk to the office
and before I get them out
onto paper
or maybe a screen
they're gone

I get distracted
by a small dog
some noises and lights
bells and whistles
half-remembered memories of a past life
an unending parade of human beings
and other stuff
that has left my thoughts
such as they are

Poisoned Sweets

I leave poisoned sweets for ants
and they take it
and they give it to their mother and their friends
and then there's some indigestion
and then they die
hopefully not screaming

 they send a scout from a neighboring colony
after they haven't heard from their friends
the entrance to the colony is dark
no sound but his own nervous scuttling
he doesn't understand shotguns but he wishes he had one
corpses everywhere
it's a real goddamn ant horror show
but he finds some sweets to take back
 back to his mother and his friends

 I leave poisoned sweets for ants