GSA Forevah

Kvc's post reminded me of something Mr. Unwilted put up over on youtube (the Brandon part, not the pooping part. :-). It's the 1992 Gem State Academy Video Yearbook, complete in six parts. Hooray! Here's part one:

Some Pooping some Nudity

I was sent to the below movie by a Mr. Todd Jarnes. I thought several of you would get a kick out of it.

Things you don't want to think about

I make my 53rd triumphant return to the blog with poop stories. Now, I don't plan on getting too graphic, and I typically stay away from this topic for obvious reasons ("hey! Where are you going? Don't you want to hear more about my poop?"), but I have observations about male bathroom behavior that I wish to share. You may stop reading now if you're not interested.

I don't like using public bathrooms. In my dream world, a public bathroom stall would be completely enclosed, floor-to-ceiling, well-ventilated and sound-proof. Alas, public bathrooms do not meet this standard. Which is all to say that I hate using public bathrooms. But I have noticed a few things about the behavior of the people who use them (including myself).

First, there are 4 basic types of strides that men take when they head towards the bathroom door.
1) Confident and Mature. They're going to go in, do their business and get out and not think about it anymore. Obviously the best way to approach life (i.e. as an adult).
2) Overly Casual. They stroll along whistling, happen to notice the bathroom door and open it on a whim. They wouldn't normally go into such a place you understand, and it certainly wasn't imperative that they head there, but they'll go in and check it out. This is generally my category. They're trying to be an adult but clearly a little too conscious of the whole event.
3) Slinking. On some level, this person is embarrassed about going to the bathroom and slinks as close to the wall as they can on their way to the bathroom door. Because, you know, no one can see them that way.
4) Power walking. Most people do this walk from time to time. It's an emergency and you can't walk normally because it's all you can do to contain it until you get to the toilet and hope to god you don't run into anyone in the hallway.

As for how people act in the bathroom, let me just say that the funniest thing I hear while I'm in there is people talking to themselves while they do their business. Whether it's the incoherent mumbling I hear from the guy at the urinal or the loud "Oh GOD DAMNIT!" as someone goes through a rough patch in the stall next to me, it's all I can do not to giggle nervously.

As for the walk away from the bathroom, the first 3 strides all still apply. But to that, we must add:
5) the Big Boy. This is when a guy comes out of the bathroom with a certain jauntiness and/or swagger. You're not sure what he did in there, but by God is he proud of it. I also have to stop myself from laughing when I see this one. A variation of this is just a look of simple relief. It was a trying time, but now it is over and there are rainbows and butterflies everywhere.

I don't know why, but I've had this particular post bouncing around my head for months now. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to write it, but you may rest easy knowing it has been catharsis for me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to walk down the hallway in an overly casual manner.

Half-Remembered Quote of the Day

"Why should I have to change all of the clocks in my house just because farmers can't wake up at 4am unless you tell them it's 5?" -- Stephen Colbert (more of a half-remembered paraphrase, but you get the idea)