I have a crazy relationship with sleep, which is much on my mind because I have once again stayed up all night in a hopefully not futile attempt to reset my alien sleep schedule. Fret not, I actually woke up, somewhat to my surprise, at 6pm last night. So, you know, it's not so bad.
I just have this, I don't know, superstitious, or magic view of sleep, or the sleeping hours. I have problems with "being in the moment" which often expresses itself as avoidance of sleeping (because it brings tomorrow sooner, which is a moment I tend to want to avoid). Beyond that, it seems so unproductive. So much time to spend unconscious, doing nothing, when crap could be done.
And yet, last night's sleep time, passed very quickly and I did nothing worthwhile with it, which reminds me, unexpectedly in a higher primate that I would need it, that it's not "magic" time, it's just time and it's value is based on how it is spent.
So I am sitting in Spunky Monkey, injecting caffeine directly into my esophageal vein, hoping to make it until this evening. Vaguely worried about undue strain on my system, especially so soon after being sick. Wondering how soon I should go home (I imagine it will be fairly performance based). Wondering if I'll ever figure out what my really stupid drama is with sleep. I really feel I would be happier if I could understand and come to terms with basic biological realities of being human.
On the other hand, it's been super fucking awesome to finally understand sex. Ye Gods.
