Monday, October 17, 2005
Funny Story, True Story
My Great Uncle Clyde has a son named Clyde Jr. and a daughter named Clydetta. I have mixed feelings about this.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
A Dish Best Served Warm
Can y'all remember what you were doing 2 years ago? I remember exactly what I was doing. It was the day after my wedding.
On the way home S and I were talking about how helpful F. McMatty was at the wedding and how cute hbot3000 was in his tuxedo. We arrived home in a state of marital bliss. At the door I said: "Wait wait."I put down the bags and picked up my giggling bride. I carried her over the threshold and we were home this was to be our new life.
Immediately upon entering we were hit with an unholy stench, Shereen said, "Oh my God." I said, "Get out, get out." We left the door open hoping the apartment would air. Pixel stood at the screen door eyes watering, mewing piteously.
Shereen asked if I thought the cat was sick over the weekend while we were gone. I had my own suspicions. See, I remembered three hot and sunny California days prior when Todd and I went to the store. He asked if I had any draino. I asked why. He said, "Never mind I'll take care of it." We left it at that.
Oh, he took care of it all right. He made sure to spread that ungodly mess evenly about the toilet. Further inspection proved my worst fears to be true. And there was no water left in the bowl.
"Well, maybe it's disintegrated enough over the weekend." But I was wrong.
We watched in horror as the bowl kept filling and filling and filling, until it spilled over the edge. Shereen began gagging in the hall way and I just ran.
Yes, Todd Jarnes is on my shit list. I can hardly wait till he gets married. I'm cooking up something special even as I type. Though I hope it's soon, the constipation is killing me.
On the way home S and I were talking about how helpful F. McMatty was at the wedding and how cute hbot3000 was in his tuxedo. We arrived home in a state of marital bliss. At the door I said: "Wait wait."I put down the bags and picked up my giggling bride. I carried her over the threshold and we were home this was to be our new life.
Immediately upon entering we were hit with an unholy stench, Shereen said, "Oh my God." I said, "Get out, get out." We left the door open hoping the apartment would air. Pixel stood at the screen door eyes watering, mewing piteously.
Shereen asked if I thought the cat was sick over the weekend while we were gone. I had my own suspicions. See, I remembered three hot and sunny California days prior when Todd and I went to the store. He asked if I had any draino. I asked why. He said, "Never mind I'll take care of it." We left it at that.
Oh, he took care of it all right. He made sure to spread that ungodly mess evenly about the toilet. Further inspection proved my worst fears to be true. And there was no water left in the bowl.
"Well, maybe it's disintegrated enough over the weekend." But I was wrong.
We watched in horror as the bowl kept filling and filling and filling, until it spilled over the edge. Shereen began gagging in the hall way and I just ran.
Yes, Todd Jarnes is on my shit list. I can hardly wait till he gets married. I'm cooking up something special even as I type. Though I hope it's soon, the constipation is killing me.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Regurgitation Station
"Yes, maybe Reno was disgusting. Yes, maybe it is a cesspool of vice and boredom . . . an abysmal hell-hole of nothingness . . . but, eh, we had a nice time." -- Captain Dwayne Hernandez (Reno 911)
The sentiments expressed in this quote are so perfect I can't begin to explain it to you.
The sentiments expressed in this quote are so perfect I can't begin to explain it to you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)