God I'm missing the 80s tonight. Not for big hair or or big-wheeled roller skates, but for the series of formative, goofy SF alien movies that I was exposed to. Here's a few movie I haven't seen in far, far too long.
Cocoon(s).
Flight of the Navigator.
The Explorers.
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Invaders from Mars
Star Trek 2
The Black Hole
The Abyss
Batteries not Included
Alien(s)
Escape to Witch Mountain
Movies from later I am also suddenly jonesing for
Contact (although not technically 80s)
Mars Attacks
Stargate
Actually I would really love to see a less sanitized show similar to Stargate. The sanitization was part of Stargate's charm, but I'd like to see an exploration of some of those ideas with substantially less fear of the weird.
Movies I haven't seen, but probably should, given my interests:
Communion
Fire in the Sky
Lifeforce
I would mentioned E.T., but if I'm being honest with myself, I never really liked E.T.
I'm sure I'm forgetting some important ones, but that list will do for starters. I think it's time to stop wasting quite so much time on making digital dolls do repetitive tasks and get back into the weird a little bit.
Man, and hollywood went though quite a UFO phase, didn't it?
Monday, April 21, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Nerves
So this week has been a pretty good reminder that I need to stay off of the caffeine. I'm still reeling from the two cups of coffee that sent me into nervey panic attack mode at 6am mid-week. It was a very strange sensation. Mentally i was quite calm and ready to sleep, but my nervous system seemed primed and humming in an uncomfortable way. Every time I was almost off to dreamland I would gasp awake with my heart racing. I'm not sure how much of this was caffeine/sugar, how much is underlying work/life anxiety and how much is payback for relying on sleep aids for too long, but it wasn't/isn't pleasant. Even during the day my nervous system feels raw, for a better way to describe it.
Regardless, it seems like a wake-up call of some sort. I have been hiding away from my friends for too long. I have been living in a broken pattern with work for too long, which is probably the prime driver of my sleep pattern abnormalities. Most of these weird symptoms seem greatly reduced or evaporate upon some sort of human contact, especially physical, so I probably should make more of an effort to get that where I can. I've been neglecting my social network for entirely too long It is withering on the vine. I think lack of direct human contact is one of the biggest parts of my work frustration right now. I really crave working in a more structured environment with more direct and in-person contact with a working group. I am still trying to figure out how to make that happen without leaving my current working group completely in the lurch. It would also help if I could decide between 1 and 20 possible directions.
I definitely need to exercise, at the very least to work out the anxiety. Maybe it would help the nerves. I should probably keep trying to write. I have a lot of story ideas and topical posts I keep wanting to write but I still feel like i have trouble getting my thoughts together in coherent sentences. I want to keep learning piano and Japanese, but my neurotic reaction to work and sleep has been unhelpful in creating the time. Or using time well at all. I am very practiced in watching time slide by without doing anything useful for it. I increasingly understand that time is really the only currency of value so I should try to at least spend some of it well without just letting it pour through my hands.
I think I'm in a weird spot, where I feel increasingly competent but I'm scared of it I guess? It's weird to realize I have an impact on the world and it's unhelpful that I don't have a good middle ground in how I handle it right now. I'm getting better at defending myself from outside pressure but unfortunately still feel like my two modes are "doormat" and "nuclear angel of vengeance and ruination." There's probably more depth there to be explored.
The problem with human beings, as I experience it, is the normal ebb and flow of human give and take is a very sandpapery experience for me. Human interaction contains far too much "I want something from you, give it to me," or "your worldview is dumb just use mine" or "please ignore your needs in favor of mine." which leaves me feeling raw and irritated very quickly. It's the constant boundary violations that are the worst. I feel like I am constantly setting boundaries that are immediately challenged for no apparent reason. I am still figuring out how to enforce boundaries without going nuclear on the other party. I simply want to stand up for myself without doing undue emotional damage on the other person. Why this is so hard for me sometimes I don't know. Boundary violations are kind of a button I guess.
Anyway, I think my body and other elements in the universe and hinting now would be a good time for a change. Pause is a nice feature, but has no meaning if I never press the button again.
Regardless, it seems like a wake-up call of some sort. I have been hiding away from my friends for too long. I have been living in a broken pattern with work for too long, which is probably the prime driver of my sleep pattern abnormalities. Most of these weird symptoms seem greatly reduced or evaporate upon some sort of human contact, especially physical, so I probably should make more of an effort to get that where I can. I've been neglecting my social network for entirely too long It is withering on the vine. I think lack of direct human contact is one of the biggest parts of my work frustration right now. I really crave working in a more structured environment with more direct and in-person contact with a working group. I am still trying to figure out how to make that happen without leaving my current working group completely in the lurch. It would also help if I could decide between 1 and 20 possible directions.
I definitely need to exercise, at the very least to work out the anxiety. Maybe it would help the nerves. I should probably keep trying to write. I have a lot of story ideas and topical posts I keep wanting to write but I still feel like i have trouble getting my thoughts together in coherent sentences. I want to keep learning piano and Japanese, but my neurotic reaction to work and sleep has been unhelpful in creating the time. Or using time well at all. I am very practiced in watching time slide by without doing anything useful for it. I increasingly understand that time is really the only currency of value so I should try to at least spend some of it well without just letting it pour through my hands.
I think I'm in a weird spot, where I feel increasingly competent but I'm scared of it I guess? It's weird to realize I have an impact on the world and it's unhelpful that I don't have a good middle ground in how I handle it right now. I'm getting better at defending myself from outside pressure but unfortunately still feel like my two modes are "doormat" and "nuclear angel of vengeance and ruination." There's probably more depth there to be explored.
The problem with human beings, as I experience it, is the normal ebb and flow of human give and take is a very sandpapery experience for me. Human interaction contains far too much "I want something from you, give it to me," or "your worldview is dumb just use mine" or "please ignore your needs in favor of mine." which leaves me feeling raw and irritated very quickly. It's the constant boundary violations that are the worst. I feel like I am constantly setting boundaries that are immediately challenged for no apparent reason. I am still figuring out how to enforce boundaries without going nuclear on the other party. I simply want to stand up for myself without doing undue emotional damage on the other person. Why this is so hard for me sometimes I don't know. Boundary violations are kind of a button I guess.
Anyway, I think my body and other elements in the universe and hinting now would be a good time for a change. Pause is a nice feature, but has no meaning if I never press the button again.
Friday, April 04, 2014
Agents of a higher power
How many stories use the agents of a higher power trope?
The Jedi are fighting for the light side of the force.
Aes Sedai fight for the creator versus the Dark One using the One Power.
Elric fights for the chaos lords versus the lords of law.
Buffy fights for the primordial forces of light against primordial darkness.
Eorzean heroes fight for the living crystal Hydaelyn against darker powers.
Superheroes are agents of justice. Which is admittedly an idea, not an idea embodied by a force or a god, so powerful that one is compelled to wear tights and punch people in defense of it.
Not sure why I'm thinking about this. Although it's interesting to think about the difference between universes populated by harsh, and unfathomable gods whose commands are seemingly random, to gods who embody ideas and therefore whose commands make slightly more sense, to discarnate forces embodying an idea that compel the mortal plane to ideas so powerful they compel mortals by simple exposure. Are ideas the irreducible elements of a higher, compelling power or is there a next step somewhere down the line?
Which is a less disturbing concept: agents with free will that the gods convince to act, vast nameless forces that compel behavior but leave the illusion of free will, or ideas so powerful the agent is left with no choice but to embody and defend them at every turn once they've been exposed to them? Or all those all the same thing?
I am currently jonesing for more stories about people pulled into larger conflicts occurring beyond the scope of their own comprehension. I can't really explain why, but their place in our collective psyche intrigues me.
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