My version of the chant the mentat says in Dune, because Lynch's version is flawed. Cheesy, I know. There's a reason this didn't go on facebook.
I set my mind in motion.
The mind is a tool, emotions are fuel, the fuel feeds the storm, the storm is a warning
Anxiety breeds fear, fear is the mind-killer.
Logic breeds detachment, detachment is the soul-killer
The soul is the core that directs the mind and feeds on the heart
The mind is adept, the heart is resilient, the soul is balance
it is not by will alone that I set my self in motion
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Politics, feh,
I am increasingly paying less and less attention to the news and politics right now. Partly because I've been following politics obsessively since, well, 9-11 I suppose. So I need a break. I'm starting to get a little numb. Plus, it's just so damn depressing right now. The BP oil spill, the bizarre and inexplicable hostility to the merest idea that we could be dumping enough carbon into the atmosphere to induce a climate change . . . really I'm just feeling like there's a certain fucked-upedness that isn't going to go away. Ten years from now we're still going to have the wealthy shitting on the rest of us, we'll still have tea partyish ignorance shouting down anything that challenges their world view, and we're still going to have them (whoever THEY are) cutting corners poisoning and impoverishing the rest of us and skating away from it responsibility-free. I'll be genuinely surprised if BP isn't, in ten years, going to be basically pursuing profit with the same reckless disregard for safety it displayed up until the oil spill. The banksters who nearly toppled the economy a year ago have apparently learned nothing, and have funneled all the money they nearly lost and had the tax-payer repay into schemes of nearly identical insanity. I don't know where they will be in ten years, but I imagine still finding a way to screw the rest of us over for massive personal gain.
I just have a general pessimism about where things are going right now. This may be due to other crap going in my life but I think it's true that right now I need to focus less on the negative and more on the positive. And since politics and environmental issues seem overwhelmingly negative to me right now I should probably take a break from them. So I'm going to try. But can I make it even a single day without obsessively checking the political blogs I have been reading more or less daily for 9 years? We shall see.
H
I just have a general pessimism about where things are going right now. This may be due to other crap going in my life but I think it's true that right now I need to focus less on the negative and more on the positive. And since politics and environmental issues seem overwhelmingly negative to me right now I should probably take a break from them. So I'm going to try. But can I make it even a single day without obsessively checking the political blogs I have been reading more or less daily for 9 years? We shall see.
H
Friday, July 16, 2010
video of the day
This is really good advice on how to talk to someone about any behavior you consider unacceptable. Focus on what happened, not what it says about them as a person. I guess I knew this but sometimes forget. Also, his video on Roman Polanski is worth watching. And yes, he focuses on what he did, not what kind of person that must make him. But this is actually a good example. I'm having a hard time not demonizing Roman Polanski for doing a very bad thing. But I think this is at the core of a lot of our muddled arguments and constant finger-pointing in this culture. There's not a lot of "you did this specific thing that I think was bad" and a lot more of "you are all bad people for doing this one thing I don't like" and there's nothing to be gained from the second conversation, as people just get defensive and the tribe forms up to defend each side. I don't know how to bust this down though, I'm just tired of the people in charge getting away with bad and immoral decisions because no one wants to say someone else is a bad person in Washington. It's not about whether they are good people, it's about whether the actions they take and the words they say are acceptable behavior.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
State of the H
It is a remarkably confusing time for your hero. Most of this is probably better left for my therapy sessions, but here are a few things I don't quite get right now:
I don't think I really understand what I want or even need from my relationships with people. From friendships to romantic relationships to sex. Like on a fundamental level I don't understand why I want/need them. Even though I'm totally craving contact with people right now. I'm more or less okay with all of my long-time friends. I still feel pretty comfortable around most of you. What I don't get is why it's so hard to set up a local social circle, with the same kinds of people I've been friends with for ages. And part of that is a complete lack of understanding about what I want from my relationships with people. I am simultaneously desperately craving a social circle in Portland and completely uninterested in forming one and tend to isolate myself from the couple friends I have left without knowing why. And even if I were interested in forming a social circle I don't know where to start. Do you have to do it organically just from being out and about and meeting people or is it something you can actually pursue consciously? The only life instinct I feel and understand right now is that I want to be a dad. But I'd like to be a father in the context of not being a train wreck and a having a stable relationship and/or social circle. I have a couple remaining (literally two) close friends left in portland, and they both put up with a lot of drama from me (and are otherwise occupied with their own goals right now which I support them in pursuing). So I kind of putter around from day to day not understanding what my goals are, why I'm unhappy, what I want to change and how I'm going to go about doing it. it's a very strange state to be in at my age. Getting used to solitude and hiding from the world for 10 years may not have been my best choice.
Another way of looking at it is I constantly feel like I'm being pulled in two directions. Like I oscillate dramatically from total left-brain "why are emotions and friendships important again?" survival mode to total right-brain out of control drama. It's very odd. I keep hoping it's a chemical imbalance or a tumor or something, and then have a panic attack because what if I have a tumor or a chemical imbalance?
Strange days, dear reader. Strange days.
I don't think I really understand what I want or even need from my relationships with people. From friendships to romantic relationships to sex. Like on a fundamental level I don't understand why I want/need them. Even though I'm totally craving contact with people right now. I'm more or less okay with all of my long-time friends. I still feel pretty comfortable around most of you. What I don't get is why it's so hard to set up a local social circle, with the same kinds of people I've been friends with for ages. And part of that is a complete lack of understanding about what I want from my relationships with people. I am simultaneously desperately craving a social circle in Portland and completely uninterested in forming one and tend to isolate myself from the couple friends I have left without knowing why. And even if I were interested in forming a social circle I don't know where to start. Do you have to do it organically just from being out and about and meeting people or is it something you can actually pursue consciously? The only life instinct I feel and understand right now is that I want to be a dad. But I'd like to be a father in the context of not being a train wreck and a having a stable relationship and/or social circle. I have a couple remaining (literally two) close friends left in portland, and they both put up with a lot of drama from me (and are otherwise occupied with their own goals right now which I support them in pursuing). So I kind of putter around from day to day not understanding what my goals are, why I'm unhappy, what I want to change and how I'm going to go about doing it. it's a very strange state to be in at my age. Getting used to solitude and hiding from the world for 10 years may not have been my best choice.
Another way of looking at it is I constantly feel like I'm being pulled in two directions. Like I oscillate dramatically from total left-brain "why are emotions and friendships important again?" survival mode to total right-brain out of control drama. It's very odd. I keep hoping it's a chemical imbalance or a tumor or something, and then have a panic attack because what if I have a tumor or a chemical imbalance?
Strange days, dear reader. Strange days.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Now we are here in Xanadu
*originally meant to be posted on Facebook but was too long. Hmm, maybe I'll cross-post as a note*
Xanadu is kind of a funny song. The lyrics are ridiculously trite. Lady GaGa is Maya Angelou by comparison. The chorus goes: "Xanadu, Xanadu, now we are here, in Xanadu." And what's great about Xanadu is it has some neon lights and a roller rink. In the same way that it's not great writing to just have your characters just state how they're feeling ("That makes me angry!" - Robot devil from Futurama), it's not great musical writing to just state what you're doing. "we are walking", "we have arrived", "now we are dancing and singing." is not really great song writing either. I cringe every time I see a musical with those kinds of lyrics. Um, and that's all I have to say about that.
Xanadu is kind of a funny song. The lyrics are ridiculously trite. Lady GaGa is Maya Angelou by comparison. The chorus goes: "Xanadu, Xanadu, now we are here, in Xanadu." And what's great about Xanadu is it has some neon lights and a roller rink. In the same way that it's not great writing to just have your characters just state how they're feeling ("That makes me angry!" - Robot devil from Futurama), it's not great musical writing to just state what you're doing. "we are walking", "we have arrived", "now we are dancing and singing." is not really great song writing either. I cringe every time I see a musical with those kinds of lyrics. Um, and that's all I have to say about that.
Integration
One of the things that always frustrated me about adventism was how it roped off fundamental aspects of the human experience as undesirable or deviant. The first one I always think of is dancing. Dancing, of course, leads to arousal which may lead to unauthorized sex, so better to just not let kids dance together at all. Sex itself is horrible, sinful, debasing and wrong . . . Unless you get proper village approval and blessed by the pastor, in which case it is a joyful union between you, god and your spouse. Why any Adventist might have baggage about sex remains a mystery to the church at large. And then there's music. Ideally, most music should put you in a contemplative mood to reflect upon god. Because he gets cranky if you don't spend all day thinking about him. Music that makes you want to tap your foot, or god forbid gyrate your hips in some fashion, is the devil's work and should be treated as such. If, unaccountably, good Christian music makes you want to move, please limit yourself to standing and clapping ( seriously, it's what they do).
It's ridiculous and asinine. They limit self expression and call it joy.
But this is a symptom of our larger culture as well. I recently read a book that asserted the greatest amount of fulfillment and happiness stems firm being an integrated person, meaning you have equal access to your emotional and intellectual brain without one riding rampant over the other. In other words, your right and left brain communicate well in most situations.
But that's not what our culture seems to prize. We prize restraint and logic and minimum display of emotion. We elevate the logical left brain, and view displays of emotion as distasteful. Someone today described crying as a response to something powerfully beautiful as "insane.". The epitome of cool is the appearance of not giving a shit about any goddamn thing that happens. These are not the expectations of fully integrated people. We do ourselves and others a disservice by scorning them for displaying genuine emotion in public settings.
I am not sure where I'm going with this, except to say I would someday like to be an integrated person and able to engage the full realm of human experience, without my baggage getting in the way.
It's ridiculous and asinine. They limit self expression and call it joy.
But this is a symptom of our larger culture as well. I recently read a book that asserted the greatest amount of fulfillment and happiness stems firm being an integrated person, meaning you have equal access to your emotional and intellectual brain without one riding rampant over the other. In other words, your right and left brain communicate well in most situations.
But that's not what our culture seems to prize. We prize restraint and logic and minimum display of emotion. We elevate the logical left brain, and view displays of emotion as distasteful. Someone today described crying as a response to something powerfully beautiful as "insane.". The epitome of cool is the appearance of not giving a shit about any goddamn thing that happens. These are not the expectations of fully integrated people. We do ourselves and others a disservice by scorning them for displaying genuine emotion in public settings.
I am not sure where I'm going with this, except to say I would someday like to be an integrated person and able to engage the full realm of human experience, without my baggage getting in the way.
Monday, July 05, 2010
snippets of my holiday weekend
Being with family is tough for me. It's probably tough for everybody in one way or another. As time goes on I realize I have less and less in common with most of them (as most of them are devout Adventists), but I still love them. But loving your family and wanting them to be involved in your life are two different things for me. I love them, but the differentness and how they react to it puts me on edge. They don't understand who I am, or why I'm different, and the way they choose to express that often grates. And then 5 minutes later they're making sure I know I'm still part of the clan and that they love me even if they think I've "strayed." Anyway, here are a few snippets of experience that stood out at me this weekend.
**
My grandfather in a wheelchair. He is still thick with the years of muscle he built up as a farmer/rancher, but it is slowly melting away the more he sits in his wheelchair (although I think his arms still get a workout). He spent his whole life working with his hands, riding horses, fixing combines, baling hay and otherwise kicking ass with as few words as possible. And now his body has completely betrayed him. Some sort of mysterious nerve disease he contracted shortly after his stroke has left him too weak in the legs to stand and he's having to live with not being the strongest one in the family anymore. I remember him always sitting quietly, watching the rest of us, joining in the conversation periodically in his classic mumble, but mostly just relaxing and listening at the end of a long day. And now he sits all the time, with more or less the same stoicism, but less animated, more often than not staring off into the distance, coming to terms with chronic pain and new circumstances that aren't likely to ever be reversed.
My grandmother takes care of him exclusively, but I can tell it wears on her too. Sunday night, just before the fireworks, she joins me as I stare out over the RV camp we're hanging out at for the day.
"How are you? Are you doing okay?" I ask, genuinely interested.
She kind of sighs, seems to consider saying something, then simply says "What can you do but keep going on?" before turning around to go back inside.
**
Hanging out with friends of my parents from the Adventist school system. It's not an environment I'm comfortable with. My blue hair and tattoos don't get a big reaction, but I catch looks from some of the men which says they WANT to say something about it. to lecture me maybe about what Ellen white might say about such a thing. But they don't, because of the look in my eye or because it's ultimately not a big deal to them I don't know.
I have a rare proud moment where my dad proudly displays the tattoos, insists I not hide them, and enthusiastically describes where they came from. Five minutes later I'm leaving the scene as nonchalantly as I can. He's talking politics and what's really wrong with poor people and I have to go. I love him for the tattoo thing, but we're still never going to be able to discuss politics in a civil manner.
Later, the patriarch of the home we're at, starts psychoanalyzing why me and my mom's friend are still single. I am apparently "too set in my ways". The subtext seems to be I have not been open enough to instruction from God or the church or the community and have not done my duty by settling down and procreating before I figured out who I was. Amusingly, the unrealized assumption there seems to be "it's a shame I didn't settle down before I realized I didn't need a woman or the church to feel like a complete person." It will not be the first time I hear this message during the weekend.
The good moments were talking about my vibram shoes, going on a walk, and looking at all the fantastic stitching on the quilts hanging from the walls of the home. The woman of the house has an amazing machine in the basement that lets her essentially draw stitch work on quilts and she's quite good at it and even generates a steady income with it. Which is all the better since the machine itself cost $20,000.
I try to ignore the poster size picture of Jesus on the basement wall.
**
My great uncles tease me relentlessly about the hair, not unkindly but not approvingly either. They clearly think it's unserious of me. But eventually they shrug and with a last, pointed joke let it be. And later, during the fireworks, hang out with me at the railing to let me know I'm still part of the family.
My mom's cousins seem a bit more put off by me than I would have expected. Their jokes have considerably more barb to them. At one point, one looks at me as I walk by, shaking his head sadly, saying "Man H, I thought for sure you would have figured it out by now." From previous conversations I know he means I should have a submissive wife and good standing in the church by now. I give him the arched eyebrow and let it pass. Later, his brother hooks me up with some vitamin D which I'm actually interested in because I really don't get sun. My family is really good with supplements as they are very interested in "Things That are Killing You" and "Things That Will Stave off the Icy Spectre of Death." But I appreciate that they have a working knowledge about how to be healthy.
**
I have forgotten how angry everyone in conservative towns in Idaho and Montana seem. Well, I'm projecting just the teensiest amount here. I saw many happy families. But I also so a fair amount of young redneck asshole. Or frustrated young father. People who like to get real mad at people that look different enough. I had someone yell "faggot" or something like that out their car window while I was putting on sunscreen. It didn't really bother me, but I don't like that energy. That frustrated, pent up aggression looking for an outlet. I was glad to leave it behind me.
**
I could go on. and on. and on. But will stop there. It was the usual visit with family. Full of disapproval and love and passive aggressive jokes. I am glad I went to see them, and I am glad to have some time and space to myself again. In short, I am happy to be away, away from conservative land and back in Portland. Viva la PDX!
And now, time to tell my good friend Kevin Philips ALL about it.
**
My grandfather in a wheelchair. He is still thick with the years of muscle he built up as a farmer/rancher, but it is slowly melting away the more he sits in his wheelchair (although I think his arms still get a workout). He spent his whole life working with his hands, riding horses, fixing combines, baling hay and otherwise kicking ass with as few words as possible. And now his body has completely betrayed him. Some sort of mysterious nerve disease he contracted shortly after his stroke has left him too weak in the legs to stand and he's having to live with not being the strongest one in the family anymore. I remember him always sitting quietly, watching the rest of us, joining in the conversation periodically in his classic mumble, but mostly just relaxing and listening at the end of a long day. And now he sits all the time, with more or less the same stoicism, but less animated, more often than not staring off into the distance, coming to terms with chronic pain and new circumstances that aren't likely to ever be reversed.
My grandmother takes care of him exclusively, but I can tell it wears on her too. Sunday night, just before the fireworks, she joins me as I stare out over the RV camp we're hanging out at for the day.
"How are you? Are you doing okay?" I ask, genuinely interested.
She kind of sighs, seems to consider saying something, then simply says "What can you do but keep going on?" before turning around to go back inside.
**
Hanging out with friends of my parents from the Adventist school system. It's not an environment I'm comfortable with. My blue hair and tattoos don't get a big reaction, but I catch looks from some of the men which says they WANT to say something about it. to lecture me maybe about what Ellen white might say about such a thing. But they don't, because of the look in my eye or because it's ultimately not a big deal to them I don't know.
I have a rare proud moment where my dad proudly displays the tattoos, insists I not hide them, and enthusiastically describes where they came from. Five minutes later I'm leaving the scene as nonchalantly as I can. He's talking politics and what's really wrong with poor people and I have to go. I love him for the tattoo thing, but we're still never going to be able to discuss politics in a civil manner.
Later, the patriarch of the home we're at, starts psychoanalyzing why me and my mom's friend are still single. I am apparently "too set in my ways". The subtext seems to be I have not been open enough to instruction from God or the church or the community and have not done my duty by settling down and procreating before I figured out who I was. Amusingly, the unrealized assumption there seems to be "it's a shame I didn't settle down before I realized I didn't need a woman or the church to feel like a complete person." It will not be the first time I hear this message during the weekend.
The good moments were talking about my vibram shoes, going on a walk, and looking at all the fantastic stitching on the quilts hanging from the walls of the home. The woman of the house has an amazing machine in the basement that lets her essentially draw stitch work on quilts and she's quite good at it and even generates a steady income with it. Which is all the better since the machine itself cost $20,000.
I try to ignore the poster size picture of Jesus on the basement wall.
**
My great uncles tease me relentlessly about the hair, not unkindly but not approvingly either. They clearly think it's unserious of me. But eventually they shrug and with a last, pointed joke let it be. And later, during the fireworks, hang out with me at the railing to let me know I'm still part of the family.
My mom's cousins seem a bit more put off by me than I would have expected. Their jokes have considerably more barb to them. At one point, one looks at me as I walk by, shaking his head sadly, saying "Man H, I thought for sure you would have figured it out by now." From previous conversations I know he means I should have a submissive wife and good standing in the church by now. I give him the arched eyebrow and let it pass. Later, his brother hooks me up with some vitamin D which I'm actually interested in because I really don't get sun. My family is really good with supplements as they are very interested in "Things That are Killing You" and "Things That Will Stave off the Icy Spectre of Death." But I appreciate that they have a working knowledge about how to be healthy.
**
I have forgotten how angry everyone in conservative towns in Idaho and Montana seem. Well, I'm projecting just the teensiest amount here. I saw many happy families. But I also so a fair amount of young redneck asshole. Or frustrated young father. People who like to get real mad at people that look different enough. I had someone yell "faggot" or something like that out their car window while I was putting on sunscreen. It didn't really bother me, but I don't like that energy. That frustrated, pent up aggression looking for an outlet. I was glad to leave it behind me.
**
I could go on. and on. and on. But will stop there. It was the usual visit with family. Full of disapproval and love and passive aggressive jokes. I am glad I went to see them, and I am glad to have some time and space to myself again. In short, I am happy to be away, away from conservative land and back in Portland. Viva la PDX!
And now, time to tell my good friend Kevin Philips ALL about it.
Saturday, July 03, 2010
A confederacy of bastards
As an addendum the post below, please don't assume, dear reader, that i have not noticed the ignatious j reilly in the post below. I am ALL too aware.
Thursday, July 01, 2010
No Hulu for you
You know, I want to like Hulu. In general, I really like on-demand TV. I get a tremendous amount of use of the netflix streaming feature for a very reasonable price. When I feel like paying more for a proper digital version, I have never been unhappy with TV shows or movies from iTunes. What I can't frakking stand are commercials. I tolerate them on the free, browser-version of Hulu because I sold all my robotech videos and I like to stream Robotech while I work. But trust me, if it were available on Netflix, I'd never touch Hulu again. Or even youtube sans commercials.
Which is why the Hulu app for iPad is bullshit. It's not an unknown paradigm, I'll grant, cable TV has been charging for the service while relentlessly plying users with commercials for many, many years. But setting aside what revenue the company actually needs to bring in to survive, it's bullshit. I was actually stunned when I learned from my friends as a child that cable channels still had commercials. What was the goddamn point in paying outright when you're still going to be assaulted every 12 minutes by snake oil salesmen? My essential view on this has not changed. As an adult (ostensibly) I paid for cable access for a while for the Syfy channel and the daily show and Dexter. The first 2 were only possible to enjoy through the magic of Tivo, with Dexter a glorious, commercial-free oasis of loveable psychopath. But I didn't even bother even setting up an antenna once I moved to Portland. The price was just too high.
Not the monetary price, of course, although I was looking to save money. I just can't tolerate commercials. I'm perfectly willing to pay american cash dollars for TV programs I find entertaining and/or stimulating. What I'm not willing to do is to subject myself to the psychological manipulations of a bunch of bastards paid to find ever more invasive and creepy ways of insuring my brand loyalty, whether I need it or not.
My heretical vision of capitalism is one where advertising is confined to the marketplace. When I need a product, I go to the marketplace that sells such a product (be it online, or an actual physical location) and there happily subject myself to a bunch of dishonest shysters eager to make sale, with the low hope that someone may have actually decided on the "build a quality product to ensure repeat customers" business model. Meta-review sites are probably actually better for this, but let's generously allow that there is a place and a time for a business to advertise at me.
I imagine this was more or less the pattern in the glorious past. It was probably not, but I feel like there is at least SOME truth to the idea that commerce used to be limited to a marketplace. Somewhere along the way, some goddamn evil genius decided that he could make MORE money by aggressively hawking his or her wares outside of the marketplace, to people who would be bound by the social conventions of politeness and decency to at least hear people out when they accost them out of the blue and try to sell them things. Note: this is still the favored technique of door-to-door salesmen, abusing social contracts to be polite to strangers in order to guilt you into selling something, anything.
This aggressive marketing would have obviously been super exciting to other merchants as well, who also decided to move their aggressive sales tactics beyond the actual marketplace. And soon, horrifyingly, before anyone knew what was going on, it became a holy tenet of capitalism that anyone who sells goods, has the right, NAY, has the divine capitalist obligation to attempt to sell you their goods by any means possible, no matter where you are or what you happen to be doing. You want a nice drive in the country? It's only reasonable to put up an ad for Coke next to your view of the Sierra mountains. And why waste all that mental energy planning your day while commuting to work when you can see a new ad with every new building? Don't you want to support your local economy? It's your patriotic duty. Having a nice dinner? Perhaps you'd like to take a moment from spending time with your family to buy some crap from the guy who just phoned you up for no reason. Would you like to research on the internet? Perhaps look at local news headlines? Why would you want to do that without also seeing 10 ads on the same page for things you never knew you needed. More than that, they've been tracking your internet habits and have tailored some exciting deals just for you? More than that, how can you you go more than 12 minutes into a television program without knowing where to buy the products they use? Rest assured, there will be periodic reminders about where to consume all the things that will make you better.
My oh-so-suble and well-considered point is that somewhere we crossed the line from "capitalism as healthy engine of production" to "capitalism as the Lord your God who will be listened to when he talks to you." and it's 10-degrees of fucked up. If you can't stay afloat as a business unless you're free to advertise at me at any time of day no matter where I am whether I want it or not, then you have a goddamn atrocious business model and deserve a speedy descent into failure. We are worth enough as humans to assert our rights for "manipulation free spaces" where we know we aren't going to be subjected to a sales pitch. Perhaps we could confine such things to some sort of marketplace, where people who are interested in purchasing a type of product could actually go to shop for one. My quality of life has dramatically improved the further I've gotten from commercials and I don't think it's just an odd quirk of your host. The free market has it's place, and it's place is NOT bombarding me with ads in every facet of my life in order to turn me into a consumer drone. I think we are worth enough as people to insist that we have the right to insist businesses can't advertise at us against our will. And I find it astonishing that we've put up with invasive advertising tactics for as long as we have. It boggles the mind.
Which brings us back to the Hulu Plus iPad app, which, is bullshit. Because not only do I get the pleasure of paying them 10 dollars a month to watch crap on my iPad that I can view online for "free", they're still going to subject me to commercial advertising, which immediately kills almost all of the enjoyment I got from the previous 12 minutes of programming. And there's the rub, "almost all" of my enjoyment. There's still enough there in some programs to sit through a commercial or two. So, of course, I'm a big goddamned hypocrite. But I endure the occasional commercial under protest, fully aware of how they're trying to manipulate me and how much dumber I am after watching one. I MAY even be such a huge hypocrite that I buy Hulu Plus for a month so I can finish watching Robotech. But it's bullshit that my only choices to watch it are varying degrees of bullshit advertising.
Look, I know my hypocrisy is large. I wrote this on an iPad which is created by a company with one of the largest consumer cults in the country right now. I know I'm trapped in the matrix, I'm just calling bullshit and looking for a way out. There have to be better worlds than these.
Which is why the Hulu app for iPad is bullshit. It's not an unknown paradigm, I'll grant, cable TV has been charging for the service while relentlessly plying users with commercials for many, many years. But setting aside what revenue the company actually needs to bring in to survive, it's bullshit. I was actually stunned when I learned from my friends as a child that cable channels still had commercials. What was the goddamn point in paying outright when you're still going to be assaulted every 12 minutes by snake oil salesmen? My essential view on this has not changed. As an adult (ostensibly) I paid for cable access for a while for the Syfy channel and the daily show and Dexter. The first 2 were only possible to enjoy through the magic of Tivo, with Dexter a glorious, commercial-free oasis of loveable psychopath. But I didn't even bother even setting up an antenna once I moved to Portland. The price was just too high.
Not the monetary price, of course, although I was looking to save money. I just can't tolerate commercials. I'm perfectly willing to pay american cash dollars for TV programs I find entertaining and/or stimulating. What I'm not willing to do is to subject myself to the psychological manipulations of a bunch of bastards paid to find ever more invasive and creepy ways of insuring my brand loyalty, whether I need it or not.
My heretical vision of capitalism is one where advertising is confined to the marketplace. When I need a product, I go to the marketplace that sells such a product (be it online, or an actual physical location) and there happily subject myself to a bunch of dishonest shysters eager to make sale, with the low hope that someone may have actually decided on the "build a quality product to ensure repeat customers" business model. Meta-review sites are probably actually better for this, but let's generously allow that there is a place and a time for a business to advertise at me.
I imagine this was more or less the pattern in the glorious past. It was probably not, but I feel like there is at least SOME truth to the idea that commerce used to be limited to a marketplace. Somewhere along the way, some goddamn evil genius decided that he could make MORE money by aggressively hawking his or her wares outside of the marketplace, to people who would be bound by the social conventions of politeness and decency to at least hear people out when they accost them out of the blue and try to sell them things. Note: this is still the favored technique of door-to-door salesmen, abusing social contracts to be polite to strangers in order to guilt you into selling something, anything.
This aggressive marketing would have obviously been super exciting to other merchants as well, who also decided to move their aggressive sales tactics beyond the actual marketplace. And soon, horrifyingly, before anyone knew what was going on, it became a holy tenet of capitalism that anyone who sells goods, has the right, NAY, has the divine capitalist obligation to attempt to sell you their goods by any means possible, no matter where you are or what you happen to be doing. You want a nice drive in the country? It's only reasonable to put up an ad for Coke next to your view of the Sierra mountains. And why waste all that mental energy planning your day while commuting to work when you can see a new ad with every new building? Don't you want to support your local economy? It's your patriotic duty. Having a nice dinner? Perhaps you'd like to take a moment from spending time with your family to buy some crap from the guy who just phoned you up for no reason. Would you like to research on the internet? Perhaps look at local news headlines? Why would you want to do that without also seeing 10 ads on the same page for things you never knew you needed. More than that, they've been tracking your internet habits and have tailored some exciting deals just for you? More than that, how can you you go more than 12 minutes into a television program without knowing where to buy the products they use? Rest assured, there will be periodic reminders about where to consume all the things that will make you better.
My oh-so-suble and well-considered point is that somewhere we crossed the line from "capitalism as healthy engine of production" to "capitalism as the Lord your God who will be listened to when he talks to you." and it's 10-degrees of fucked up. If you can't stay afloat as a business unless you're free to advertise at me at any time of day no matter where I am whether I want it or not, then you have a goddamn atrocious business model and deserve a speedy descent into failure. We are worth enough as humans to assert our rights for "manipulation free spaces" where we know we aren't going to be subjected to a sales pitch. Perhaps we could confine such things to some sort of marketplace, where people who are interested in purchasing a type of product could actually go to shop for one. My quality of life has dramatically improved the further I've gotten from commercials and I don't think it's just an odd quirk of your host. The free market has it's place, and it's place is NOT bombarding me with ads in every facet of my life in order to turn me into a consumer drone. I think we are worth enough as people to insist that we have the right to insist businesses can't advertise at us against our will. And I find it astonishing that we've put up with invasive advertising tactics for as long as we have. It boggles the mind.
Which brings us back to the Hulu Plus iPad app, which, is bullshit. Because not only do I get the pleasure of paying them 10 dollars a month to watch crap on my iPad that I can view online for "free", they're still going to subject me to commercial advertising, which immediately kills almost all of the enjoyment I got from the previous 12 minutes of programming. And there's the rub, "almost all" of my enjoyment. There's still enough there in some programs to sit through a commercial or two. So, of course, I'm a big goddamned hypocrite. But I endure the occasional commercial under protest, fully aware of how they're trying to manipulate me and how much dumber I am after watching one. I MAY even be such a huge hypocrite that I buy Hulu Plus for a month so I can finish watching Robotech. But it's bullshit that my only choices to watch it are varying degrees of bullshit advertising.
Look, I know my hypocrisy is large. I wrote this on an iPad which is created by a company with one of the largest consumer cults in the country right now. I know I'm trapped in the matrix, I'm just calling bullshit and looking for a way out. There have to be better worlds than these.
Location:NE 20th Ave,Portland,United States
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