Friday, December 04, 2009

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Movie Dump Tuesday

First, an oddly charming nicely done version of some teenager singing a split-screen duet with himself. Nicely timed and charming. Ish. I kind of think everyone would do a little better doing something completely narcissistic as a way of helping you like yourself. Well, at least the people who struggle with that sort of thing (cough, cough)



Second, but not least, Devin Townsend in Vampira, which is one of my favorite songs right now and a very funny, Oingo Boingoish video (and yes, the oingo boingo vibe is one reason he appeals to me). Anyway, only anti-matt seems to like devin that I know of, but I feel compelled to share anyway.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Oh John Ringo NO

Dont' actually read this book review, if you don't want to be nauseated by what some men get off on, but "Oh John Ringo NO" or variations thereupon may be my new favorite reaction to bizarre, misogynistic men.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Cancelled!

So, after doing my bills last night and getting very depressed not only over the state of my debt in general and how much I've spent just this month, I decided to cancel my Tivo services, which I wasn't using anyway since I haven't even plugged in so much as an antenna since I moved to Portland, and also my Champions Online subscription which I'm not using. And then started looking around my house for things I could sell. And then got depressed reading about how hard it is to make any money I have from selling the comics I have right now. Anyway, long story short, money sucks.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

All Nerd

This one probably won't mean much to anyone but me. Well, most poetry doesn't mean much except to the author. Anyway, enjoy. Or claw your eyes out to save your soul. Whichever you prefer.

All Nerd
by Soylent H

Spinning in my head, swirling:

all doubt
all pain
all sad

Scratching lines on the door, howling:

all rage
all angst
all despair

Standing on the roof, shining:

all fear
all hope
all brave

Coruscating bands of energy, singing:

all creation
all destruction
all change

Shimmering waves of power, humming:

All Potential
All Nothing
All Things

A beacon of omniscience, becoming:

All I want
to be
is the universe

Monday, November 02, 2009

Great Falls to Portland

For those of you who enjoy motion sickness, here's a really bad video of my drive from Great Falls to Walla Walla to Portland. There's lots of shaking due to poor camera work in some parts and it's just my digital camera's movie function so it doesn't look great, but I took quite a bit of footage and figured I should at least show some of it. Share and enjoy.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

OMG

Oh my god, I just found they released a sixth book in the Hitchhiker's Guide series under a new author. And he's signing books this Thursday night at powells. Oh my god! I don't know how I feel about an authorized sequel by another author . . . it's all just happening so fast.

Oh my god!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

no words

I don't know what to add to this little old man's statement about gay rights, years and years after seeing action in every major engagement in the second world war.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

My least favorite word

Okay, time to punish you all with some poetry. Believe it or not this didn't come from a particular place of angst. I had just finished having a conversation about how much the feeling mentioned at the end of the poem sucks and then decided to write a poem exploring different reactions to that feeling/situation. I think I'm posting it now because it's not particularly relevant to my current situation so I'm not giving anyway any secrets. Anyway, like it or not, here it is. As for me, I kinda like it.

My Least Favorite Word

There is a swamp
where black things romp
and the air is thick and dank

There is a spot
where things drop to rot
impressions where they sank

There is a pole
in this dark hole
with a sign that's old and blighted

“This is the muck
where I get stuck
when XX XXXX XX XXXXXXXXXX*”

*I am afraid these words are covered in goo

There is a forest
where bullfrogs chorus
and the wind is soft and gentle

There are flowers and bees
the grass sways in the breeze
and the redwoods rise monumental

There is a sign
all covered in vines
not written by someone excited

“This is where I go
where I learn to grow
when XX XXXX XX XXXXXXXXXX**”

**The same words as before, they are covered here too

There is a moon
that you won't get to soon
it's as far as a rocket can travel

There's a simple clear dome
more outpost than home
with a yard of regolith and gravel

There is a flickering display
inside the landing bay
next to scorch marks of engines ignited

“This is where I stay
because I must get away
when my love is unrequited.”

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Typhoooon!

Stolen again from Andrew Sullivan, a time lapse video of a typhoon passing through Hong Kong. Gorgeous.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Who the hell is Alan Grayson?

Okay, this pic of a member of congress, somewhat insane according to Matt Taibbi, grilling a representative of the federal reserve on how much of their activities are on the up and up is extremely awesome. I've never heard of this guy, but he's like a deranged congressional vigilante. I love him.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Green Lantern Lives!

Okay, so after all my complaining, I finally got around to reading, in this order:

Green Lantern: Rebirth
Green Lantern: No Fear
Green Lantern Corps: recharge.

If you've ever been the least bit interested in green lantern stuff, now is the time. These new stories blow away anything that came before. Great characters, great plots, fantastic artwork, epic SF, it's beautiful. Everything I've been wanting out of Green Lantern but have never had. I was giddy while reading them in certain parts. A fantastic reboot of the franchise. Well worth your time and hard earned dollars. If you are at all interested in the new Green Lantern Stuff, start here. The best stuff DC has put out in years.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Delayed Gratification

Stolen from Andrew Sullivan's blog (I've stolen several from him), a video of very young, cute children struggling with the concept of delayed gratification and marshmellows.

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Calling Captain Obvious


Calling Captain Obvious
Originally uploaded by hbot3000
This made me laugh out loud. Posted on the review section for the barenaked ladies album "Snack Time"


Adding: Since the image is so small, I'll type it out:

"To the guy who lamented that this album 'seems like an album for children': This IS an album for children."

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Awesome

The middle part with the vector graphics is especially good.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

this blog is not a journal

It is unbelievably tempting to use this blog as a journal sometimes. I have things to process and scream into the void that no one else wants to hear but I still need to say. And I have difficulty not using this blog for that purpose. For instance I just spent 5 minutes with my fingers twitching about to pour out my current fuck-ups . . . but it's not a good idea. Neither is dumping this on my friends I guess. Perhaps it's time for a proper paper and pen journal?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

a Minotaur too far?

Sometimes it really does seem like this is the debate we're having. The degree to which this society seems to embrace torturing and revenge killing these days really does startle me from time to time. With that in mind, this onion video is hilarious.


Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture?

the cocaine of the games world

Having experienced what this guy is talking about, this article about psychiatrists venturing into world of warcraft to try and help pull addicted gamers back into the real world is interesting (as linked to me by my friend D in Aus). Basically a team of guys going in to try and help people realize that there is a larger perspective that they're missing. I'm not sure if these guys are going in proselytizing or only going in with patients who are paying them to help them, but I overall really support any effort by grown ups who know better to reach a hand in to people (usually young men) lost in digital worlds or unhealthy hobbies with the goal of simply helping them realize there is a larger world and perspective that they're missing out on. Although it would be fairly amusing if these therapists, in the process of trying to reach out to people, end up addicted to the game themselves.

I especially like the language he used of how they just want to point out that when you spend 400+ days (of TOTAL playing time) out of the last 4 years in the game, it means you aren't spending that time making friends, learning skills, or otherwise interacting with the world in ways that, whether you know it or not, are ultimately going to be more fulfilling. I'm sure it's going to raise some hackles, as young and not-so-young men seem oddly resistant to the notion that an escapist lifestyle filled only with play and with little to no responsibility is not healthy for anyone involved. But the fact is, while it's certainly okay to escape some times, ultimately you're only going to be happy when you are being true to yourself and not running from your problems, which means forming a social group and contributing to it and making challenges for yourself and meeting them, in the real world. Learning a new language (computer or otherwise) is ultimately way more fulfilling than any video game goal, and until the people filling their lives almost solely with meeting video game goals admit this to themselves, they're going to hop from video game to video game completing goals . . . and wondering why they still feel unhappy.

I'm still struggling with this a little myself so don't think I'm on too high of a horse. I believe everything I just wrote, but I still end up gaming to self soothe when I bollux up my personal life in new and exciting ways, but while the temptation is still there to lose myself in it, it's really hard to when I know beyond all doubt that it doesn't make me happy, even if I'm not sure what DOES make me happy in a given moment.

So anyway, I support this whole endeavor of drawing people out of the recreation they try to turn into lifestyle, be it games, or drugs, or anything else. Because spending your life running away from it is sad.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

God this is a good video

Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear from Gabe Askew on Vimeo.



Edit:

By request, a you tube version. The you tube version is actually the official video. Good, but not as artistic as the vimeo one above. Anyway, the song is the same and it is still good. And the official video isn't bad either.

Friday, August 07, 2009

The perils of standing out

Normally when I go swimming at the community center, I get a pretty good reaction from the kids to my blue hair. Boys tend to comment on it loudly, with awe, followed by questioning their parents why someone would do that, and if they could do that, and one time followed by a parent saying "teenagers do crazy things". Today, as I'm walking in, I got the "wow, that guy has blue hair!" from a little girl, walking in with her brother and her mom to the community center. I look over to see her brother gazing at my hair with that lopsided, boyish grin that says blue hair is the best thing ever, his sister who is analyzing my hair with her head cocked, and his mom who seems mostly disinterested, before running down the stairs ahead of them. The disinterest of their mom quickly turned to embarrassment as I hear behind me, loudly, the same little girl saying "Mom, I HATE blue hair!" which made me laugh out loud. To each their own I suppose.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Green Lantern Part 2

Okay, the issues started picking up after issue 98 or so. I may keep them from that point on. The art especially picks up. But the writing is still not great. They have a series of issues where Kyle's girlfriend Jade is Green Lantern for a bit and they do a story on her coming across a guy who tried to sexually abuse her as a child. The writing was okay, a little heavy-handed but okay, I appreciated that he was trying to tackle a tough subject. But Jade is drawn throughout the issue as a tarted up sex object which mixes the message more than a little. I mean, they have a full page picture of her looking over her shoulder and sticking her butt out at her would-be molester (she kidnaps him and ties him up and threatens to kill him) which just made no sense to me. And if memory serves, a few issues ahead Kyle gets a gay assistant after saving him from a beating. But he serves no purpose to any of the long running plots or to Kyle as anything other than a token gay character so DC can claim diversity. I think the writer, Ron Marz, really tried to make Green Lantern a character driven comic, but he did so as someone who doesn't know how to create interesting characters. I mean, I like Green Lantern because of the costume, the ring and he goes to outer space a lot. Do good adventure stories based on those 3 concepts and I'm happy. But through most of his run Marz did very few of those things. Yes the costume and powers were there, but there are at least 3 "I'm breaking up with my girlfriend issues" where the formulaic break-up conversation takes up at least half the comic. Which would be find if there were anything interesting about it to begin with, but there isn't. The villains have no background and no personality, and in one issue, after defeating russian arms dealers, and restraining ALL of them, he then sinks their massive cargo tanker boat in the middle of a busy New York harbor for no apparent reason, and flies off declaring how the authorities are just going to have to deal with this mess because he has a date. It's just so dumb. What was I thinking when I bought these?

Edited to add in:

This article on the inconsistency of Green Lantern comics is pretty good if you're at all interested (he said, knowing he was the only one interested). Basically no one has known what to do with the character long term and he's been constantly and consistently revamped to revitalize sales. Reading it kind of exhausts me. Comics and their fans exhaust me. I think I'm just going to stick with trades mostly from now on, so I can pick and choose the good stuff.

Oh, and reading that article reminded me, I only ever really liked GL as he was written in JLA, starting with Grant Morrison. If anyone is at all interested in GL, I recommend starting there.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Betrayed by Green Lantern

I've been needing a pick-me-up recently, so I picked up my Green Lantern comic collection, and started reading through it, as a prelude to buying the trades of the most recent issues which I hear are really good. You can imagine my dismay as I read through them and find I don't like them at all. I still like the character, the costume design, the powers, the universe, but the stories that I have are just awful. I've read good superhero comics and these aren't them. I'm through 60 issues now, and there's been maybe 3 that were tolerable. It's been fairly horrifying for me, and I must share the pain.

img028

This is from the Emerald Twilight trade where Hal Jordan goes crazy and destroys the Corps. The first issue is not great, it's a depiction of him going crazy after his home city is destroyed, and it's not a great read but mostly tolerable, but it has this odd moment (shown above) where Hal is talking to an illusion of his first girlfriend, and for some inexplicable reason, while wearing tights that leave nothing to the imagination mind you, talks to her casually while thrusting his groin into her hands, as you can see. This is probably the worst of it, but the Hal Jordan stuff I have is full of hokey and weird moments like this. And the story writing is terrible. Just awful.

img029

Enter Kyle Raynor. I remember liking him. So again I find myself horrified at his issues. He's awful. He's stupid and sexist and not interesting. The author makes a valiant stab at trying to make it a more character driven series, but good lord does he miss the mark. I'm really starting to like character driven stories, but this writer just does not pull it off. And then I get to scenes like the one above and just want to start banging my head against a wall. I suppose there is inherent humor value in giving a guy a power ring that responds to his imagination, and having it accidentally generate sexual imagery, but that's not really what they do. And reading the above just made me go "Ick" and immediately dislike the character. I suppose it might have been tolerable if the dialogue, plotting, villains, and characters were in any way compelling, but they're not. I mean, shortly after this issue he fights a tiger in a zoo and nearly LOSES. Deep sigh.

Anyway, I think the truth is, I'm just not who I was when I bought these comics when I was younger. I'm going to finish reading these and keep the issues that I might actually consider reading again, but I think the rest I'm going to sell. And thinking over most of my collection, I think I'm going to sell a lot of that too. Of course, I'm really lazy about it, if any of my real life friends want to sell them for me, I'll split the proceeds 50/50. In any case, it is liberating and disturbing to find that so much of the crap I lug around I flat out don't like anymore. But losing Green Lantern, man that hurts.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Just another Monday

I spent my early afternoon at the doctor's office, trying and failing not to get a partial erection while a male and female doctor fiddled with my junk and then they had me pee in a cup. Good times.

Wait, is this blog connected to the internet? Where anyone can read it? Wait! Don't hit po

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I am not a robot

I kind of really like this video and song. Fits in nicely with a lot of conversations I've been having. It's basically a sung by a woman to a man trying to teach him how to be a real, vulnerable human being rather than just be angry or a robot. I see it as a song that maybe a lot of women want to sing to their men. Anyway, cool song regardless.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

the tick as metaphor

This is a pretty good metaphor for how last weekend was for me emotionally (from 6:55-7:21 I mean, the rest is funny but not metaphor, it should start right at 6:55 into the video if youtube is to be believed. Stop watching at 7:21 if you like. You've seen what I wanted to show you by that point):



EDIT: This continues to be a good metaphor. Le sigh.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Friday, June 12, 2009

ZOMG

I was penning a somewhat melancholy poem and meaning to inflict it on the blog later tonight, but I think it may wait for another day because . . . Aqua released a new song! ZOMG! Complete with the typical ridiculous video! That was kind of instant cheer up. My thanks to amphigory for pointing it out.

Do all social groups have a Pope?

A long time ago, before the earth had finished cooling and creatures with legs had yet to emerge from the primordial sea, my ex-girlfriend pointed out that the church we belonged to ("Dawn of Time Departurists") had it's own popes, just like Catholics did (Yup, it's a little known fact that Catholics were SO into tradition that they were able to extend their organization BACK through time, until the dawn of Earth. True Story). This was kind of a revelatory idea to me, because there were indeed Departurist Popes that the church looked up to and regarded as nearly infallible.

Don't we tend to do this with everything? Well, of course not everything, but don't we tend to elevate people to a somewhat revered status as icons of everything a movement should be about? We live in a democracy, but we have still somehow developed an aristocracy in Washington, and royal families that dispute the throne (for instance, there was a very good chance of having a 20 year period where the executive branch went Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton, which, you would think, would be repulsive to people who like the idea of democracy). Michael Jordan was one of the popes of basketball, Stephen Hawking is the pope of physics, Dr. Ruth was the pope of sex for a while, etc. You see what I'm getting at.

Well, perhaps you are unconvinced that the pope analogy really applies to everything. I admit, gentle reader, that even these eyes that have seen eons (since they grew while I was swimming in that gone, but not forgotten primordial soup, which was so not for eating I might add), admit that my theory may not hold as much water as I would like. However, it is unimportant. What is important that I am stipulating that groups have popes. Let's just believe that for the sake of our friendship.

So all of that was an overly-long lead-in to the topic of what do guys who are gamers and in guyland hold up as popes and why? I have developed a theory which may also be less that sea-worthy (or soup-worthy as we used to say), but I feel compelled to relate. I will save a discussion of guyland in general for a later date, pausing only to say read the book, even if you disagree there are things to think about there.

I'm going to define gamer culture as comprised of guys, mostly between the ages of 14 and 35 (roughly), who devote most of their entertainment hours to games and who still strongly identify with masculine culture. This is a broad generalization of course, I know people personally who are avid gamers but who also don't buy into masculinity too much as a concept and that's fine. They would call themselves gamers, so maybe what I"m really talking about is that large, large, large majority of gamers who fit the description above.

So I realized the other day that basically the popes of gamer culture are people like the Penny-arcade guys, (Tycho and Gabe or Jerry and Mike). Gamers love them partly because they are insanely talented cartoonists, but also, in a big way I think, because they seem to be icons of the gamer dream. Their comic is geared towards gamers, and to continue to be relevant they get to do what they love and and play games all day and make comics about them, and earn what I assume is a pretty healthy living, and have what appears to be happy marriages and children.

I wondered why they were so revered in the industry and my theory is gamers perceive them as living the dream: devoting all their time to gaming but still somehow being men and getting married and raising children. They give the culture a stamp of legitimacy as a lifestyle option that the world at large will not confer. Or seem to. This all stems from a couple of beliefs that most self-identified gamers are not going to agree with at all. That's fine, if you think the descriptions I'm about to write don't fit you, that's fine, I'm sure they don't, I'm not out to hound anyone. But I have spent waaaaay too much time hanging around places like 1up and the world of warcraft forums and every other dank recess of the internet that gamers have burrowed into over the last 12 years or so, so I think I have some ground on which to stand.

I think gamers (as defined by me above) are, by and large, desperate to believe that they can spend most of their days gaming, gaming, gaming and somehow make a fulfilling life out of that. I think they don't know what it means to grow up, they would really love to have the freedom to play as much as a child forever, while having all of the freedom and benefits of being an adult, with none of the actual grappling with life's problems that adults have to deal with. I don't think it's only gaming culture that does this, I think a lot of other sub-cultures are basically away to avoid confronting life as well, but I"m not talking about them right now. And I'm certainly not saying games are not a legitimate entertainment choice. I still like playing games and plan to play more in the future. I just don't think they can be your ONLY choice, and only culture. I think the penny arcade guys represent an ideal for a bunch of gamers who haven't figured out yet that gaming by itself will not make them happy, that will come with having a job they feel good about, relationships they feel good about, and their health, and that getting satisfaction out of all of those things is simply going to require time spent working on those areas, rather than time spent staring at pixels.

Having said that I think Tycho and Gabe would be the first to admit that as much as they game, they also spend a lot of time managing the business outside of gaming, and spending time with their families, and I would guess their health, and they probably don't spend near as much time gaming now as they did when they were young and single. But I think what's useful about them as popes is the possibility to bring their readership up from the muck and out of the soup. I see it kind of happening already. The ways they grow personally, and recognize the wider world beyond gaming translates into their comics, which some of their fans actually pick up on I think. They server as a ladder to the wider world of life experiences and common humanity that most of them avoid far too much. For instance, the children's charity they do every year is wildly successful into the millions of dollars raised territory and wouldn't have happened with the blessings and organization of the pope. I think most of these guys will get it eventually, realize that chasing pixels is a fool's errand and eventually just realize what would make them happy is to tackle the real world, but I think with this type of thing, the sooner the better. And it's always nice to have a pope leading the way.

We had a Pope in the primordial soup you know. No hat, no gown, but he could osmose scripture with a purity that would make your membranes leak. Of course, he was the last to leave the Soup. The Church had decreed legs and walking on land heresy years back and it took quite a while for him to rise imperiously out of the sea, blessing those assembled (a few ducks and mouse) for making "land" ready for him, in what was clearly now God's will. Which is only to say, be grateful to popes who lead the way, because all too often they're doing their damndest to hold you back.

But then, all this only one simple paramecium's opinion, and even he doesn't place too much stock in it. Just likes to think about why we make popes out of people.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Idiocracy Watch

There are days when I think the movie Idiocracy, while funny, is a little too pessimistic about the future stupidity of the U.S.. And then there are days, such as today, when it feels somewhat prophetic.

Apparently Shell has a new advertising campaign at their gas stations, everywhere there are little banners declaring that their gasoline is enriched by Nitrogen. There's even a molecule helpfully printed on a couple of them so you can see the obvious benefits of a nitrogen enriched gasoline molecule. Of course, I have no idea why nitrogen in gasoline is a good thing and I doubt many other people do either. It totally reminds me of the bit from Idiocracy where they're watering their crops with gatorade (and unwittingly killing them) because gatorade advertising told them "Gatorade has the electrolytes plants crave" and so insist it must be true. Which is basically Shell's advertising: "Shell has the nitrogen cars crave" and we're just supposed to take their word for it that it's a good thing.

Anyway, just fun to see us that one step closer to a stupid future. A whole advertising campaign based on the idea that you're too stupid or incurious to find out or know if nitrogen is good for cars in gasoline. They expect you to buy it on the assumption that nitrogen-"enriched" gasoline MUST be better than all that primitive non-enriched gas.

I suppose there may be magazine or television commercials that I'm missing that would helpfully explain why nitrogen is the best thing ever for gas, just amused at how insulting the campaign is at the stations themselves. "Remember kids, if it's nitrogen enriched it must be good!"

Overheard at the Community Center

Tonight while changing I could hear a group of maybe 16-year-old high school guys chatting out of sight in the row of lockers next to me. Was quite amused at listening to how they very politely and pointedly warned each other before they "released the anaconda" or "let the banana slug out" when they were changing from swim suits back to normal clothing. I was never particularly comfortable with having to change in locker rooms when I was a kid (and truthfully still don't find it delightful as an adult) and was a part of teenage guy culture so I totally get why they're doing that. However, as an adult with a little perspective I find it terribly amusing. For one, the odds that they're unleashing "anacondas" or "banana slugs" are vanishingly small which is perfectly okay, but amusingly boastful to hear them say it that way. Second, why the urge to be so polite about it? You are expected to get naked while you change into your other clothes in a locker room. It's like they're making sure no one thinks they're making a sexual advance or perhaps warning their friends that their penis is so magnetic it can turn the straightest man gay just from the mere sight of it.

Of course, it's basically just a function of being young and a little insecure, and feeling compelled by masculine expectations to remind everyone all the time that you really do like women, honest. It just takes boys a while (in some cases a LONG while) to realize they don't really need to worry about what their peer group thinks about their perceived sexual orientation as long as they themselves are comfortable with it.

Friday, May 29, 2009

autotune the news

I don't know why I am fascinated by these "autotune the news" clips. They're a little more sexist than I'd like for one thing. I think it's just that I'm fascinated by autotune for some reason. Anyway, this one gets good once sean hannity shows up. I like the Katie Couric segment too. Anyway, if you hate autotune, be sure NOT to watch this movie:

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Time to Pretend

God I love finding new music.

This album has 3 songs that really hit chords with me.

I like this one because it's sung by guys who are fantastically young singing about what growing up or at least getting famous and growing up looks like to them. They either have a hell of a producer or song-writer or are crazy perceptive for being so young. The music's so good I have forgotten to resent them for being so young, talented and beautiful and instead choose to experience it vicariously. I'm probably the last person to discover MGMT, but hey, there's so much music and only so many hours in the day.



Hell, I'm just going to post all 3.

Second, The Youth jumps out at me, mostly just the part where they say "are YOU starting to change . . ." but I like the whole gist of the song.



Third, I really like "kids" both as a celebration of kids and also for the line "Control yourself, take only what you NEED from it.", well that and I love the beat and music it's put to. Anyway, just sharing.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Because I like to Torture you

A random poem/short story that formed in my head on the way back from the beach.

*******

The kingdom of Sune has a long and proud history of monarchs who believe the stories of their own magnificence a little too much. One such monarch, a king by the name of Harold the 3rd but So Much More Awesome than the Other Two Harolds (sometimes abbreviated as Harold S.M.M.A.O.T.H and later simply Harold Smith) was particularly impressed with himself and insisted that the world bend to his wishes, as soon as he made is magnificent desires known (indeed, he had a hard time comprehending why it WOULDN'T). On a particularly sunny day, in the hottest part of what was known on the Sune calendar as "Harold's 4th least favorite month"*, in a fit of pique, he wrote the following poem and read it imperiously from his balcony:

"Oh infernal orb, that dwells within the sky,
With impertinence and daring, you have burned the royal eye!
Who are you, oh orb, to deflect my gaze aside?
If at noon I wish to stare straight up I will not be denied!

While, oh orb, I must admit, you cause our crops to grow,
Must you do it in such a way that burns our pale skin so?
Orb you must burn dimmer, we could surely do with less,
And while you consider my command I'll take a nap I guess."

Of course, what the sun actually did is now well known to every school child. When Harold woke up from his nap he found his kingdom cloaked in darkness and his subjects in panic. This state of affairs continued for 3 days, at which point a particularly brave advisor to the king suggested a solution. At which point, King Harold Smith wrote a new poem and stepped out onto his balcony at what he guessed to be noon and recited the following:

"Oh illustrious orb, you have honored our request.
Upon further thought, I must admit, this may not be what is best.
Our crops you see are dying, and I cannot see the sea.
Perhaps you would consider, burning as bright as you used to be?

Our advisors, you see, are clever, they think we both can win,
if we wear shades on our eyes, and put cream on our skin.
So, orb, please keep burning, we probably won't get fried,
and next time we feel like commanding thee orb, we'll keep those words inside."

Of course, as we all know, the sun did come back and Harold Smith and his advisors did indeed invent shades for the eyes that protected against glare and cream for the skin that protected against burning, first for his royal majesty and later for the entire kingdom. Which is, of course, where Suneglasses (or more recently "Sunglasses") come from. And now you know.


* (which of course was followed immediately by the month known as "Harold's 8th least favorite month" which of course is why it is so hard to accurately date any historical events in Sune as each monarch's first official act was typically to abolish the old calendar and created a new one that accurately reflected their own magnificence. This also explained why official court historians and record keepers were forcibly appointed rather than chosen from a group of volunteers.)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Buddhism vs Christianity, some thoughts

In reponse to nothing's comment about how hard I'm being on Christianity, I posted a much longer than intended comment back at him. I feel it deserves a post of it's own though so I'm pasting it here. This is kind of where I'm at right now.

*********
I was not dogging on the fact that Christianity has done bad things in the past, I was dogging on its methods of teaching compassion. I understand this is probably not representative of the full depth of Christian thought, but the general teaching I received on this subject was: 1) Submit to God as the source of all compassion (and beg forgiveness for being so naughty as to not be compassionate, i.e. be sure to feel bad about it first.) 2) Let go of your attempt to be compassionate and let God do it through you. 3) Hope this nebulous instruction translates to meaningful action the next time you need to put it to the test.

What I like about buddhism is the emphasis on practical suggestions to cultivate compassion. I like how it encourages you to view your foibles with a sense of humor and compassion for yourself, and gives you meditative techniques to achieve that (ways to breathe, how to deal with your discontent with your lack of compassion when it arises) and then teaches you how to cultivate that feeling, and also how to apply it in the real world. In other words, you get step by step practical advice on how to cultivate compassion within yourself.

Christianity ALMOST gets it right. The part about letting go and letting God do it is almost buddhist. The part I don't like about modern Christianity is the concern is mostly with the submission to authority part. LIke I was telling my mother how much I like buddhisms practical techniques to be more compassionate and her first and only question was "but you still believe compassion can only come from God?", as if it matters less that I am compassionate, more that I constantly reassure God that he created everything.

I think the insistence that we constantly submit to God's authority has far less to do with what God's actually about, than what the church is typically about, which is making sure the congregation is submitting to the church's authority. I think the patriarchal church structure is inherently unstable and relies on constant reaffirmation that the lower ranks are indeed submitting to the appropriately designated authority figures. Children must submit to their elders, wives must submit to their husbands, husbands must submit to the pastor and other males higher in the pecking order than they are, and so then, of course, it is only natural to assume that God requires everyone including the pastor to submit to Him lest he feel all smitey and vindictive, in the same way that men feel all abusey and vindictive if they don't get their "due" respect. I've just painted a caricature of course, and I know the modern church isn't 100% like this, but this is the framework modern christians are trying to twist into something more egalitarian and I think it's an exercise in futility. The framework is ABOUT not being egalitarian (as evidenced by the church's continued insistence that women can't be ordained as pastors. Submit directly to God without submitting to a man first? Unheard of!)

I . . . just think God knows what he did and probably has a strong enough self esteem that does okay without us reassuring him all the time. Nor do I think he really wants to do all the heavy lifting in terms of teaching us to be compassionate. If there are easy and fun ways to train yourself to be more centered and more compassionate, why not do it ourselves rather than turn it over to God and say, "here, you do it, I'm going to get a soda and play video games for a while"

So the letting go part that Christianity teaches is good. What it's missing is the mindful letting go. The part where you watch how your emotions move and change, and practice acknowledging your negative emotions and where they come from with compassion for yourself and then letting them be what they are, which is basically the same thing as letting them go. In short, buddhism encourages self-reflection and wrestling with your problems, rather than happily putting them out of mind, and I find this strikes me as the only way I'm every going to really change.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Focusing on now

While Mike and and Eric and I were grabbing lunch/dinner at new seasons today. While we were walking into the store mike and I were talking buddhism and christianity and the relative merits for each (mostly praising buddhism and dogging christianity). Shortly after we get in the store, Eric passes us and says "While you two 'philosophers' were debating you passed free strawberry shortcake samples." Which made us stop and laugh and blush a little bit, because we had before discussed how much we liked Buddhism's teachings on being fully in the present and aware of the present moment. While returning for said strawberry shortcake samples, it occurred to me it was a very buddhist lesson.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Thing to remember when going to a new gym

1. Don't assume it will be exactly like your old gym, where they give you towels and a lock for your locker, otherwise you have to stand under a very tall air dryer for 10 minutes to get dry and rent a lock at the steep, steep price of 50 cents.

2. Be sure to get prescription goggles so you can speak to people with less confusion. I have not done this yet so tonight was very confusing.

3. Don't be confused at the presence of lifeguards, even though your old gym didn't have them it doesn't mean they don't exist.

And a special note for the kids: Your urine donations to date are sufficient. Please don't feel obliged to donate more. Which is to say, I hope to hell the kid play pool water is separate from the lane pool water.

Really liked the new gym. Not too busy and the water is much less abrasive because they use less chlorine (which they can use because they partially sterilize the water using ultraviolet light).

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Reasons why I love my new office

1. Eric is a cool landlord.

2. The beautiful tree that leaves all the pink blossoms everywhere just outside the front door.

3. How there are so many good places you can walk to to eat nearby.

4. The fact that if I want a cheapo office chair I can walk 5 blocks and roll one back to the office while enjoying the day and the city.

5. Whether I'm taking bus or car, the commute is super fast and easy.

6. Working in a refurbished industrial building that looks like it was, once upon a time, used to manufacture tiny Zeppelins feels very anime.

6. It's in Portland!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Settling

People always talk about letting you settle when you move to a new place and it kind of makes me think of a bird getting a nest just right and then taking a moment to poof the feathers out and settle down just perfectly. You talk with people and they tell you how wonderful it would be to see you "when you get settled" only to find that once you get up there and ARE settled they sometimes give you a "oh my that was fast, well, we'll be sure to have you over once you're settled" which is entertaining when I started the conversation by telling them how settled I was. Of course, while there is a settling period for me, my social network is ALSO having to settle because now they have to factor in the fact that I'm living locally and how much, if any, time they can actually spare for me. This is perfectly normal and okay of course and makes total sense to me, I'm just amused when people tell me, now that I'm in town, they'll see me when I'm settled, when they really mean they'll see me when THEY'RE settled with the idea of me being here.

Which is all to say I have arrived in Portland and am completely unpacked and officially settled, Hooray! Although having said that, packing, moving, and unpacking took up many consecutive days of much work and back strain and I am officially pooped. I'm going to try and take it easy this weekend and conserve my energy for my future which seemed completely predictable and depressing in Reno and now seems delightfully if terrifyingly unknown in Portland.

Friday, April 24, 2009

word of the week

Been encountering the word "Pandemonium" a lot this week. I always wonder when that happens if it's the universe trying to warn me about something.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Great moments in Reading

Okay, maybe not so much. But I still dug this part near the end of volume 3 of Elric when I was flying back from Portland on the plane and feeling moody:

"And now, Elric had told three lies. . . . And upon those three lies was Elric's destiny to be built, for it is only about things which concern us most profoundly that we lie clearly and with profound conviction."

l

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Moving Schedule

For those of you keenly interested in my movements here is the fairly solid schedule for the move:

Friday, April 17: Load up truck
Saturday April 18: Drive up to Portland.
Sunday April 19: Unload Truck.

H

I don't like the drugs but . . .

So now I'm re-thinking whether I should drug my kitties. I bought this car netting for pets that will keep them in the back seat and I'm going to really stuff thing underneath the seats so they can't crawl under. This will let them roam in the backseat and hopefully alleviate some anxiety on their part (there will be a disposable litter box back there too). Now I'm second guessing the drugs since it will just be me in the car and my experience with the drug is you have to watch them carefully to make sure they don't get themselves into a position they're too drugged to get out of. So basically I'm thinking if I drug them they need to stay in their cages and if I don't I can use the netting. Hmm, decisions, decisions.

I've also been toying with the idea of asking if anyone would be interested in flying down to help me with kitties on the drive up (since J will be driving the truck), where I would pay for the flight. Although having said that I'm pretty sure I can handle it solo, I'm just a little anxious about potential problems.

It will be so good to be in Portland and unpacked.

Disney Laziness

Wow, they really liked to cut corners in the Disney Animation studios back in the day. Good lord.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Drugging my kitties

I tested the drug my vet gave me today for the car trip to get the dosage right. I didn't capture the failed jumps and knocking things over because I was also packing but here's a few clips of my kitties not so steady on their feet. Poor guys.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Garage Sale

Had a yard sale today. Sold all the big crap that I don't want to take with me to Portland (Bed, patio stuff, computer desk) and made $120. Happy and tired.

On a related note, who the hell invented 8:00 am?

H

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Moving thought

The importance of good tape cannot be underestimated. Who could have foreseen that the pricey tape I got from home depot works really well and the cheap tape I got from Walmart is already peeling off of boxes? No one, that's who.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Illumination

I finally understand why conservative conspiracy theorists think George Soros is an evil liberal out to control the U.S. and take away their guns. He is simply terrifying to look at.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

while I'm at it

I'm going to post the video for the song below. It's pretty cool.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Don't have to live . . .

a live of power and wealth.

Don't have be . . . beautiful but it helps

It's all kinds of bullshit that the new Pet Shop Boys isn't released in the states until April 21st but it's out now in Britain. For now, we must satisfy ourselves with the single:

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Soylent Facts

When I was in my young teens, I prayed very hard that Jesus would not return until Star Wars episodes 1,2 and 3 were made so I could see them. In retrospect, delaying heaven on earth wasn't worth Hayden Christiansen's performance.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Soylent To-dos

✓ Look into future and see no happiness in Reno outside of work

✓ Decide to look into moving Portland

✓ Visit Portland, commune with soul of city, determine if I want to move there

✓ Get ex's stuff packed and out of the house

✓ Ask boss to let me work from Portland

✓ Get ex's birds back to her.

✓ Receive Permission to move to Portland and work remotely

✓ Start packing

- Find 3 Bedroom house or apartment in SW Portland

- Move to Portland

- Get membership at gym with good pool

- Buy prescription swimming goggles so I can see what the hell is going on at the pool

- Figure out how to interact with humans again.

- Be happy.

Big News

For those of you who haven't heard, my boss gave me permission to move to Portland last week. Hooray! I am including a video of how excited I got when I heard the news:



Seriously, I am oh-so-very excited. It took me a few days for the buzz to wear off. Like I packed half my house last weekend even though I'm not moving for a month. Still, can't wait to leave Reno and get to Portland. Hooray for me!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Climbing the Walls

Been kinda sickish last few days. Have plans for podcasts, but not likely to appear until this weekend, or unless I stay home from work sick tomorrow. Last night was kind of a bizzarre night of no sleep. Apart from various symptoms, one of which was extremely annoying but probably too personal to throw out on the internet, my cats kept me up.

Oh, I forgot to mention on the blog! I have gotten my ex to take her birds back. The house is once again mine. And I finally have a regular person sanctuary instead of a bird sanctuary. I miss the birds, cause I liked them, but I'm positive it was the best thing that could have happened for all of us. Sooo, long story short. The cats are allowed in the bedroom again.

ANYWAY, the cats now work in shifts to keep me awake. If I close the door to prevent Zapp from playing with me, zatanna whines piteously and scratchs on the door endlessly. If I leave it open so she can snuggle on the bed with me, zapp comes in about every 2 hours starting at 6am asking for food, or just generally waking me up cause he thinks I should be awake after I feed him. Sooo, I may have to put a littler, some food and water in the bedroom and just give zatanna bedroom privileges for the night. If it ain't one thing it's another.

Anyway, things are proceeding according to plan for the most part. Getting the birds out was a big checkbox. Now I"m just waiting to hear from my boss in a week or two to know how I'm getting to Portland. In the meantime, I'm sick, irritated that I can't go swimming when I'm sick (or that it's not a good idea to) , and generally trying not to climb the walls. Which brings us to the video of the day, the lyrics of which seem almost perfect to what I'm feeling these days. Song first, then lyrics if you click all the way through to the full post.





Climbing The Walls

I can't talk, I got to go
Don't call me back, I won't get the door
Got to focus on the job
'Cause I got a new job climbing the walls

I was grinding my teeth, I was wasting my youth
And using up my teeth
Now I'm done chewing my nails
Hanging my head, chasing my tail
It got so bad I quit my job
Then I got a new job climbing the walls

Too much junk, too much junk
Can we please clear out this house?
In the trunk, in the trunk
And then we'll take it all to the dump
Then we won't need the car
'Cause we'll stay where we are
And I'll have all this room

I got tired of pacing the floor
Sick of it all, I'm done with the floor
Walked away ever since I got a new job climbing the walls

I was grinding my teeth, I was wasting my youth
And using up my teeth
Now I'm done chewing my nails
Hanging my head, chasing my tail
It got so bad I quit my job
Then I got a new job climbing the walls

The deep end, the deep end
People talk a lot, but they don't know
They pretend, they pretend
They don't really know how deep it goes

Now I misunderstood,
Thought the wall was just good
For staring blankly at

I got tired of pacing the floor
Sick of it all, I'm done with the floor
Walked away ever since I got a new job climbing the walls

Now I'm done chewing my nails
Hanging my head, chasing my tail
It got so bad I quit my job
Then I got a new job climbing the walls
Got a new job climbing the walls
Got a new job climbing the walls

Monday, February 23, 2009

Popular wisdom fails again

So, apparently antioxidants have been shown to have no effect on cancer rates whatsoever. So what the hell are they good for? Apparently, they are still possibly good for a few other things, but who knows at this point. I think the best thing to do is just eat a balanced diet with lots of raw fruits and veggies and hope for the best.

Still, every time a study like this comes out it destroying years of accumulated popular medical wisdom, reminds me that medically we're still in the dark ages on many, many subjects. I just have no confidence that we really have a firm grasp on the subtleties of the biochemistry in the human body. But I think it's improving, just slowly. Here's to hoping we're living with star trek medicine in the near future.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Summer Must Die

For my Aussie friends who are suffering through a really bad and hot summer, I present: Bad Poetry

Summer Must Die

Mad Doctor Drongo was Crazy
He lived in the house up the hill
Redundantly named and quite lazy
He was probably mentally ill

Mad Doctor Drongo was Mocked
We made fun of him without any guilt
He ignored us behind doors that were locked
and just tinkered and thinkered and built.

Mad Doctor Drongo was Fated
He would save us though we knew it not
When the coolness springtime abated
and the summer became maliciously hot

Mad Doctor Drongo was Steaming
As he busted out his door in the heat
"My aircon is overloaded and screaming!
And this sidewalk is burning my feet!"

Mad Doctor Drongo was Furious
He turned mad eyes up to the sky
"If summer brings heat so injurious,
Then I declare Summer Must DIE!"

Mad Doctor Drongo Created
He made gizmos and gadgets and rays
He pointed them all at the sky and then stated,
"Almost there, give me just a few days!"

Mad Doctor Drongo was Victorious
The flush of triumph bright in his cheeks
His creation that killed summer was glorious
And it only took him 12.5 weeks!

--------

Ah thank, you thank you very much. Ah, I had forgotten how much fun it is to write vogon poetry.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

"saving" money

So, I'm all about saving money for the inevitable move to Portland, but this month, celebrating not having to pay a $350 monthly cell phone bill anymore, I bought one movie "Hulk vs Thor vs Wolverine" and a few really, really good books. Also, since my car stereo has not worked in over a year, I went to best buy and bought a Sony CD player with an aux hook up for my iphone which cost less than a hundred dollars that I am very happy with. All told, it sums up to less than the cell phone would have been, but I do need to get back into savings mode. The stereo I don't regret at all though. If I'm going to be driving back and forth between here and Portland I'm going to want a good car stereo. I had forgotten how nice it is to have one that works.

As for Portland, I've pretty much decided I"m going whether my boss okays it or not. Now it's just a matter of details. Cause seriously, I'm just done with Reno.

Friday, February 13, 2009

zombie H - the revenge

J was a better brother to me on my birthday than I was on his. He popped champagne and then hid my present around the living room and made me search for it. Good times.

In other news, last couple of nights have been a disaster sleep-wise. I still hasn't kept me from swimming, but it has kept me from doing a full wii fit workout. I'm going to have to nip that in the bud I think. Zombie H does not get to drag me back into my old routine! My old routine was bullshit! Soylent H must live. . . . live!

So, break out the chainsaws, we're going zombie hunting.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Soylent H's First Law

Everyone looks cute in swimming goggles and a swimming cap and a bathing suit. No exceptions.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Ashes to Ashes Wednesday

Well, Tuesday kind of sucked but wasn't that bad. Today I'm getting hints from co-workers that boss might not be able to OK Portland move for a few more weeks because this is like the busiest time of year for people in our business. Deep sigh. Another trip to Portland may be in order. In the meantime, one of my favorite songs.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Getting the hang of Tuesday

You ever have days where you feel like you're about 2 seconds from putting your foot in your mouth or about to trigger the release for the trap door you didn't realize you are standing on? Proceeding cautiously . . ..

Oh, what I wouldn't give for the comforting might of Thor's day on a Tuesday.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Oh Frabulous Day

My ex has, at long last, over a year after she stopped sleeping here, retrieved 99.9% of her inanimate objects. And now, I do the dance of joy, for this is the dawning of the age of aquarius.



Of course, next part of the plan is to get her to take her birds back. Still, all is proceeding as I have forseen it.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Counting Chickens . . . .

I've convinced myself so thoroughly that I'm moving to Portland regardless of what happens that I've actually started looking at online housing rentals. At this point I kind of feel like nothing is going to stop me.

Having said that, I'd like to take this opportunity to beg the universe to bite me on the ass on this one. Seriously, I'm begging you.

Edited to add: And of course, I'm likely to look fairly foolish if I end up having to stay in Reno.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I Was Not the Only One - Labyrinth edition

So, I really like the movie Labyrinth. But, while I enjoy it purely in a childlike and wholesome manner, I did always think the sweat pants David Bowie wore in that movie didn't quite leave enough to the imagination. I don't really bring it up that often, because I don't want people to ask me why I was looking at David Bowie's crotch. The problem is, once you notice that his sweats are uncomfortably revealing, you can't help but notice in EVERY scene. For years I thought I alone suffered this problem, but a quick search of the internet shows me that there were a wide variety of people who noticed and were affected by "Bowie's Bulge" as it has come to be called. With that in mind, please enjoy this mildly humorous re-edit of the making of labyrinth, with the description:

"A behind the scenes look at how the Muppet masters of Labyrinth created David Bowie's Crotch"



Edited to add:

You can imagine the entertainment of me seeing "the Nutcracker" for the first time a couple of years ago. It's not that I find it titillating, it's that I don't see men dressed quite like that every day. It takes some getting used to is all.

the Knights Doppler

All our work undone! The Knights Doppler must regroup quickly if we are to avoid disaster!


Weather Channel Accused of Pro-Weather Bias

Monday, January 26, 2009

Intermission

So, I talked to my boss about moving to Portland (like over a week ago). He was impressed with how well I had thought it through, and did not reject the idea out of hand. He said he would seriously consider it but a final answer would need to wait until he got back and can talk to the division director. In the meantime, he told me my job was to find out if health insurance would cover me if I were in Portland (answer: Yes! *Gleee*). So now I'm waiting on him to get back next week and talk with the division director and give me a firm decision on what he'd be willing to do one way or the other. He's a really cool guy, I expect he's honestly considering it and will give me an honest answer.

In the meantime, so as far as the Portland trip goes, I guess I'm in intermission. This is okay though, I am still sorting some reno stuff out such as work and getting my ex to come pick up her stuff. Ah, change. How I revel in it.

Friday, January 23, 2009

L'Homme Boit, Non!

Additional note to self: Dammit self, I said NOT to drink the pool water. It is the ick. ICK!

Reply to Self, RE: water swallowing: Well, maybe if you would pay more attention to your breathing and not try to inhale a half-second too early while your mouth is still technically underwater you wouldn't be faced with the "swallow ick water or drown right here." dilemma once a night.

H

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Song of the Day

I like this song when I'm trying to navigate a bad day, although I usually listen to the Dandy Warhols cover.



For the record,

"Well I tried to make it Sunday,
but I go so damned depressed,
that I set my sights on Monday and got myself undressed."

is probably one of my favorite song openings of all time. Not sure why.

The Haunting


ad stare
Originally uploaded by hbot3000
I've been walking by this ad on my table for about a week now and it creeps me out more and more every time I walk by. What is he staring at! Can he read my mind? Those eyes, those burning eyes! No, no, stay out of my head . . . get out of my head!

Me big smarty

I just figured out a couple nights ago, that the bizarre device next to the showers is not in fact an incinerator of unknown purpose, but rather a centrifuge to wring the water out of my bathing suit. Clearly, I never stopped to really think about what it was, because if I'd spent one second on it, the idea that it was an incinerator of any sort would have seemed unlikely.

In any case, I'm happy to have a device to wring the water out now, it's made life more convenient.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

L'homme Boit

Note to self: Try not to drink half the pool tonight.

Sleepytime

God I love discovering new music.




Your eyelids are made of lead
You can't keep them open
Cause its sleepytime
And that's no crime in the western world
Cause when the sun goes down
You’re bound to follow through
Sleeping through the afternoon
I just can't seem to leave my room
Waiting for the moon and a love so true
It's gonna see me through
You know it's gonna see me through


Monday, January 19, 2009

Swimmin'

I did 20 laps tonight, I am proud. I don't feel as tired as I think I should though. Either I'm doing it at exactly the right pace, or I need to attack the water a little harder. I don't know, my pulse rate is pretty steadily high, I think I'm doing okay. Two things to mention though:

1: Tired of but amused by the old men in the locker room, wandering naked, seemingly aimlessly.

2: There are two paper towel dispensers there that work off of motion sensors. Every night it's the same dance. Wave hand in front of sensor. Wave closer. Closer. Smack the sensor lightly to get it to work. I'm just amused I have to actually hit the sensor every time. Quality engineering.

And this was the song going through my head tonight as I swam:

Friday, January 16, 2009

Sink or Swim

I've been pretty good about swimming this week. For the last year or so my exercise routine has consisted of remembering to do wii fit once a week and maybe getting to the pool that often. The switch in my head that allows me to go to bed somewhere between midnight and 1am regularly has finally flipped and I've been getting up around 9am every day (this is a dramatic improvement over 1pm or on bad weeks 3pm). So for the last 4 days I've done wii fit in the morning (mostly yoga, with stomach/upper body exercises mixed in. I must, I must, I must reduce my bust). I used to think I could only handle 3 swimming sessions a week because I would end every session light-headed and exhausted. A friend helpfully pointed out that I was probably just doing the crawl wrong and breathing improperly and suggested maybe I just stick with the breast stroke. This was enormously helpful advice. I also figured out that maybe it would go better if I were wearing goggles. Kind of frustrating to be swimming with chlorine in your eyes all the time.

So, last night I entered the water, with my pink-lensed goggles (all they had at the store) and ready to swim. I had previously attributed my light-headedness and abbreviated swim sessions to the fact that I was just too out of shape to go for very long. You can imagine my delight at finding, when I stick to the breast stroke, I can swim for freaking forever, and with goggles on the experience was actually a delight. So I just kept swimming, and swimming, and swimming, until I realized I was actually smiling as I swam and laughing as I paused occasionally between laps. The last 5 laps I was imagining I was aquaman escaping the clutches of Black Mantis and I don't regret it. Well, maybe Aquaman's slightly chubby, little known sidekick "the Manatee" (that one was for you KVC). In any case, I haven't been that happy in a long time. And I realized that, by nature, I'm kind of a happy guy. I like being happy, I like being a goofball when I'm happy, and I'm not sure I give a flying flip if people don't like that about me. It was a good feeling.

The impact of last night on today is this: if I can swim like that then I am more capable than I thought I was. Today I am going to ask my boss about telecommuting from Portland. His answer is the crucial factor in determining whether I will be going with or against the current in moving to Portland. I hope he accepts the idea (hope, hope, hope), but you know what? It doesn't matter. Whether the current is with me or against me, I can swim for freaking forever.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Deep Breaths

So, after deciding that a year was long enough to pay for $300 worth of cell phone usage every month for an ex, and after my brother said he didn't really need to use my own phone:

Verizon cell phone account: Cancelled.

Operator: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Do you have a reason for cancelling? You're making me cry."

Me: "I don't want to pay for cell phones for my brother and ex and you don't have an iphone. Your manipulation suffers a critical miss."

After the happy dance was done, I just couldn't stop.

Newspaper subscription (taken at behest of the ex and which I don't read): Cancelled.

Operator: "Is there a reason for your cancellation? Seriously, you are making me cry here."

Me: "I don't read your paper version, I DO read your online news, I don't want it anymore, isn't this reason enough?"

And then it was time to consider what other monthly fees I was paying for but not using:

City of Heroes Subscription: Cancelled.

Website: "Why are you canceling your subscription? Did we do something wrong? We used to have such a good thing going. The world would frighten you, and you would retreat into our special-made world where you can be super-hero. Don't you want to be a super-hero?"

Me: "I do. But I"m not 12 anymore, and there's not much sadder than an overweight guy, who has no reason not to be in shape, role-playing a buff, manly super-hero avatar in a digital world 6 hours a day. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is face the real world instead of hiding from it."

Website: "That's silly and cheesy and something real manly superhero men wouldn't say."

Me: *Quirks eyebrow, hits cancel*

And then, the moment of truth. Could I destroy the Monster? I logged into the account page, and once started could not be stopped.



World of Warcraft Subscription: Cancelled.

WoW website: "Hey! Where ya been! We missed you. Increasing your subscription period to one year? Yes! I mean . . . cool, whatever, we're just happy if you' . . . hey, what are you doing with that cancel subscription button?"

Me: "I'm tired of hiding in your world."

Wow Website: "Hey, hey, hey, let's not get crazy now. Why don't you go ahead and just knock it down to a one-month subscription, see how it goes okay? Look, the thought of you leaving has made this peon cry."

Me: "I'm not interested. I'm going to select the cancel button again."

Wow Website: "Look, now this peon is just sobbing. Listen you son of a bitch, we've given you a lot of goddamn cool shit. You know what fun it is to fly a dragon through floating spires of rock? That was us. Meeting your new Australian friends? That was me. All those other accomplishments? Me. Belay that cancel subscription you ungrateful little bastard."

Me: "Can you name me one accomplishment in your game that would have benefitted me in the real world? I poured hours and hours and hours of time into accomplishments that are absolutely meaningless outside of your world. I was a reservoir of potential and creative energy, which instead of being channeled into making myself and the world better in some small way, I mistakenly directed into your world where it will never help anyone. Your world is meaningless."

Wow Website: " . . . . but look at the peon graphic, he's so SAD!"

Me: *hits cancel subcription*

Wow Website: "Fine, do what you want. You'll be back. Everyone comes back."

Me: "We'll see. I wouldn't hold my breath. Oh, and Wow?"

Wow Website: *looks back hopefully for a last minute change of heart* " . . Yes?"

Me: "Fuck you and your crying peon."

Note to my Australian friends: I still love you all and will remain in contact.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Dissonance

To be fair, I asked Reno to sing a song for me, and this is the song it sang:



Note especially the lyrics:

This is the Black Abyss
My life's apocalypse
Eternal Suffering
No future for me to see
...
As my life rots away
I long the day of my decay
I'll soon be there,
in death's grasp
It won't let go, now I'm dead!
This paranoia, I can't last
These days are now my last
The sense of evil is closing in
It is a phobia that kills within!

Oh Reno, you sing so sweetly to me.

Honestly this song does a pretty good, if overly dramatic, job of summing up my feelings about living in Reno.

The song below sums up my feelings about living in Portland. And now you can look at me quizzically and wonder why this decision is so hard for me. (Answer: cause I looove my job in Reno but it's about the only thing).