Second Video of the Day

One of my favorite Robbie Williams songs. The video is crazy though. I think Robbie has a very dry sense of humor. Once I understood what the joke was though, I couldn't stop laughing.

Videos of the Day

It occurred to me that instead of describing funny Robbie Williams videos, I can just link them. Here's the one where he portrays himself as the leader of a cult. Guaranteed to make you smile.

Saving the best for last

That last song on the new TMBG album (The Mesopotamians) is great. I loves it. Watch so that you might loves it too.

And while I'm at it

Here's the middle song from the newest TMBG album. There's one more coming, the last song, and it's probably the best, but I'm trying to get some word of mouth going. Or something. In any case, it won't be posted until later when you've had a chance to digest properly. Actually, this video fits nicely with the one just below it as it is anti-establishment in nature, albeit in a "light-hearted romp through authoritarianism" kind of way.

Thursday night video

Hi all,

This is the first song off of the new TMBG album. I like it, but you can disagree in comments if you like.

Parking Brake!

Parking Brake!
Originally uploaded by hbot3000

This is what I walked out to this morning. Apparently my parking brake has seen better days. What's funny, is that this happened last night when I left the car in idle in drive-way without parking brake at all. So I parked it in driveway again, this time sure to use the parking break. And then walk out to this, this morning.

Wheeee.

Quote of the Day

"I don't want to say that I'm special . . . but I'm a bit special? Do you know what I mean?" -- Robbie Williams in "She's Madonna" music video

What I did this Week

Monday: Did not eat Beans, tomatoes, cucumbers, nuts or seeds.

Tuesday: Drank clear liquids all day. Starting at 5:00, drank god-awful salt-water mixture in tall glass every ten minutes for 3 hours. Imitated some sort of hideous human water rocket rest of evening.

Wednesday: Let's just say there is now photographic evidence of what the inside of my stomach and bowels looks like. I won't go into detail about the process (largely because they gave me a drug that made me forget it), but think Japanese tentacle sex.

Thursday: No problems detected, recommence solid food intake.

Friday: To Be Determined.

Good times.

Minmei fan club

This will make no sense to you if you don't know what Robotech is and/or find the cartoon unwatchable.

Why the hell does Minmei only have 3 crappy songs in her repetoire? It's maddening.

Our collective brain

What the hell am I going to do if the internet ever goes away? I had a random thought just now wondering if there was any video of the hindenburg disaster, considering I had only seen stills or very short clips up until this point. It took me under a minute to find the original film, complete with commentary. How crazy is that? I pulled random information from our collective digital memory and experienced it in under 3 minutes. Are there any negative consequences to our thinking patterns as a result of this? For instance, the urge to memorize certain categories of information? Why bother, when I can pull it up in under a minute?

Digression: The reporter was interesting. He struggles to remain professional and ends up breaking down as it happens in front of him. He came across as a human being, who is a reporter, reacting honestly to a tragedy. Conversely, modern talking heads on TV come across as reporters/anchors, who imitate human life, reacting eagerly with ghoulish hunger to a tragedy. Homework: What is bullshit about this perceived dichotomy?

Returning to main point: What the fuck are we going to do when we can't google text and video knowledge anymore? I predict rioting in the streets.

Musical Fixations

My new favorite band. You may enjoy or dislike them as you see appropriate. You may or may not have to get over the fact that their band name is the ditty bops.

scattered and streaming

I don't do a lot of things to edify myself.

The first mention of self-edification I recall came through my religious education in my pre-teen years. Various authority figures asserted, in writing or verbally, that studying the Bible every day was the preferred and approved method of edifying myself [Edify: To instruct or improve, especially in moral or religious knowledge]. Of course, reading the definition as an emphasis on religious self-improvement, there's nothing wrong with that assertion. If my religion is indeed Christianity, then reading the the Bible is the best way of improving myself spiritually.

But let's not get hung up on that word. I usually take it to mean "general improvement of self in knowledge or character", which is suppose is my own murky, but similar definition. In any case, assume that's what I mean by edify.

In any case, I never really bought the assertion presented. In essence, I cannot now, and could not then, understand how delving deeper into religious abstraction made me a better person. True, by pursuing a daily ritual of study of the Bible and reflective thinking I would form habits of discipline and careful thought, but couldn't I do that by reading and thinking on many other non-religious philosophical, scientific and other-wise instructive tomes? It seemed that the hidden assumption there was that by studying the Bible, God was going to magically align my thinking into clearer and deeper patterns, whereas he would refuse to do so should I decide to study works of a secular nature. And so I rejected the idea that the Bible was the thing I needed to study in order to edify myself. I could edify myself just fine on my own thank you.

But let's not get hung up on whether studying the Bible is really, truly self-improvement. The funny thing here, is that while I was averse to Biblical study to improve myself, it turns out I was also averse to almost ANY OTHER FORM of self-improvement.

Why? Starting mid-way through college, I finally had some money and a lack of parental oversight and could finally start supplying myself with all the things I had been forbidden or could not afford as a child. Namely video games and comics. Now, I am not blaming video games and comics for anything per se, I will continue to enjoy them greatly in the future. What I am saying is this: Using video games, comic books and movies as my only focus outside of work and friends has not strengthened me in mind or body. Again, it's not that these things are bad, or should be discarded, but I focused on them to the exclusion of everything else. I have spent 11 or so years viewing work as "that thing I have to do until I can go back to playing games or reading comics." It's true, the other 3 contributers to this blog enjoy those things as well, but while they would play games and read comics, they were also teaching themselves to program, editing and writing for the school newspaper, and playing in bands. And while they were doing that, I was playing through starcraft again, wondering why I was so inept socially and had such a hard time meeting girls.

My sleep doctor would tell me that I've probably had apnea since I gained weight in college, and because of that have not had a decent nights sleep since college which has led to scattered, ADD type thinking patterns which lend themselves naturally to video games and comic books. Actually, he did kind of argue that with me a little bit. And there may be something to the fact that these revelations are starting to sink in after I've been on a breathing machine that enables me to have R.E.M sleep again. But I don't think my lack of self-edification can entirely be the result of outside forces. In other words, choices were made in regards to how and when to improve myself.

Please understand, this is not intended to be some sort of angst-ridden confession. It's just that I look back at the last decade or so, and I realize I've done very, very little to edify myself. Yes, I got my Bachelor of Science, and then my Master's degree. Yes, I have a great job where I am appreciated. But I think I could have done all of them much more rigorously and impressively. If you'll pardon the massive white-boy ego, I am looking back on the last decade of my life and realizing I have fallen far short of what I believe I am capable of. It feels like I have put 90% of my energies into memorizing the changing dynamics of the X-men over 400 issues (and other similar projects) and about 10% of my energies into my school, work and learning new fun and/or useful skills. And that disturbs me. So I'm thinking that with my thinking patterns emerging from the no-sleep cocoon, I should probably re-consider how I spend my time. Not to cut the things I like out, just maybe to put them in their proper proportion.

What I've also realized, is that as interactive as a video game is, it's not really a creative outlet. And due to all the other crap going on with my life now, I'm starting to realize I need to really develop a creative outlet. One of the edifying things I wanted to do over the last ten years, but never did of course, is write. So for now, I'm going to start by doing more of that. Not that it needs to be good, just that I want to do it. The most perverse consequence of this re-awakened ambition has been the urge to write poetry. Really, godawful poetry similar in nature and design to those that I used to torture others with in high school. I probably won't be torturing the blog with it, but should it appear, now you know why.

On a related note

I love this post by Arthur Silber. It might be a little much for some of you, but I whole-heartedly agree with it. Nothing in this country will change until we start pissing off people who have gotten entirely too comfortable.

My very own spawn.

I've been trying to figure out how to write this announcement in such a way that you all could share in the wonder and awe that I feel. Or is that icy terror? Hard to tell. . .

It's true: my wife is playing host to my parasitic spawn. I'll post some photos when the opportunity arises, but for now I will simply declare that I have known my wife and sired a daughter. We expect her to make an appearance in late February.

So in addition to the cradle, changing table and other furniture necessities, I will also be investing in firearms, security cameras, and robotic canine escorts capable of humane castration in 0.75 seconds.

--Hazmatt out--

Stop dying

I'm a few days behind on this but I just found out Robert Jordan died. My reactions to this are:

Crap, I needed closure on that series.

And, with a touch more humanity:

Crap, an author I liked just died. This is a sad thing.

It's not a fitting eulogy to a guy who was by all accounts very nice but:

Crap, this sucks.

It's incredibly unfair that we don't get to be immortal.

Office View

Office View
Originally uploaded by hbot3000

This is the view from my office. Today I set up the webcam monitor on one of my desktops. It's kind of funny that as much as I have a view now, I hardly ever look outside. Hopefully the webcam monitor will encourage me to change that.

The Dark Lord of the Bedroom

Tuesday night I was wired to a circuit board in a manner somewhat reminiscent of the matrix. I was then asked to fall asleep, which did not go as planned. 3 blissful, wired-to-15-instruments hours later I guess I finally did, although I don't think I slept very well, for reasons that were difficult to fathom.

2 days later they informed me that the results of the test indicate that I have mild to moderate sleep apnea, which is not a problem in the short run, but possibly leads to bigger health problems long term. They casually mentioned that if I WANTED they'd be happy to remove my uvula, tonsils and assorted unnecessary fleshy bits at the back of my throat. I decided to forego that option in favor of positive pressure air masks favored by sith lords and bounty hunters alike. But other than questionable bedtime machinery, I am fine.

Apart, that is, from a nagging suspicion that I was programmed with a secret objective by whatever agency uses the sleep clinic as a front. I keep trying to find my trigger phrase.

"Apocalypse cow!"

"The Blind Pig Flies North."

etc.

I should probably stop.

How I learned I was undead

Soooo, after many complaints of my loud, heard-from-several-rooms-away snoring on vacation this summer, and talking about these and other symptoms with my physician, I went to a sleep clinic. The nice doctor palpitated the fleshy outsides of my throat and took a peak at the topside of my airway and declared "You have a small throat!" After a brief discussion on how that affects my worth as a man (a conversation which was entirely imaginary), she told me I probably have sleep apnea (which was not imaginary). I don't think this is a big deal, it's generally not a serious condition, but now I have to go do a sleep test this coming Tuesday night. As far as I can tell this involves being wired up to 50 machines and then asked to sleep. so, you know, fun.

My only concern is that it's being run by a cult and I'll wake up the next morning brain-washed. "Why yes, I do worship a highly evolved form of the color purple, why do you ask?"

In any case, I do not look forward to sleeping with a breathing mask. Although I suppose it does have darth vader appeal.

"LUKE! I am your pillow!"

Herbie the love civic

So my Honda died and had to be towed to the shop the other day. Two otherwise rational people have now told me it was because I was openly discussing selling the car in front of it. Am I crazy for arguing that the car is, in fact, inanimate? I mean, I understand the urge to anthropomorphize the hell out of everything I use in daily life, but I draw the line at giving people crap for discussing certain things in front of in-organic objects for fear the object might take offense. I'm sorry, that's just how I roll.

Hirsute Kiln-boy

So last night, I was busting through harry potter and the deadly marshmallows, in the final legs, ready to finish the book and devour it's secrets when I hit page 610. Now, there was nothing in particular wrong with page 610. In fact, it was a rather exciting moment in the book. It's just that it was followed by page 643 all the way up to where 643 should have been, at which point page 643 started all over again. So . . . huh . . . how irritating.

No worries though, I have a second copy for the girlfriend! I'll just go read that one. Oh, huh. It seems it suffers from the exact same flaw. Oh good. So anyway, I will be journeying to the book store tonight to buy two more copies. Wish me luck.

What are the odds I can sell two flawed books from the first printing to a collector someday?

Bumper Sticker of the Day

"Ask me if I give a shit!" which was pasted just below a christian fish symbol on a modest sedan.

Aqua-tappa tappa tappa

Pepsi admits today that the water in aquafina is just tap water. So is Dasani which is bottled by Coke. I have a mostly-full box of Aquafina sitting at home. I am paying for the privilege of having someone bottle the water from my sink for me.

God I feel stupid.

Phone Fuckery

I hate my phone. This is the second LG Chocolate that has died on me. I went to check it in the middle of winco only to find that my cell phone is now displaying the white screen of death again. And this is a completely different phone than last time. On the bright side, the phone isn't actually dead. I can still receive and make calls. It's just that the screen is completely useless now. And this is after treating this phone pretty well. Hadn't dropped it, spilled water on it, or sat on large, powerful magnets. I have no idea whether my warranty is still good, but, if so, I am sure that Verizon, in their infinite benevolence, will bless me with yet another shitty plastic phone.

In closing:

LG Chocolate phone, I fucking hate you.

Anonymous Rex

My first name is unique enough that typing it and only it into google yields a hit with my full name on the first page of results. This is pretty much the entire reason I try to have an anonymous web identity. Really, in the interests of being able to speak one's mind to the fullest extent, is there any good reason to use your real identity on a web site?

Back in Tack

Pardon my lack of posting. I was busy for a few weeks and then I spent a whole week minus the internet in Montana. Which wasn't as painful as I thought (being bereft of internet I mean), but I still had the occasional impulse to look something up and found myself needing some google. If I really needed to know something I could drive 20 minutes into Great Falls and use the library. What's funny about that is that I wouldn't be going to the library to look up the information in a book, I would be going to use the free wireless internet to google as I like to do. Which makes me laugh for some reason.

Also, if you have long hair (in a pony tail) and are a man in Montana your automatic nick-name is "Willie Nelson" or "California". So, yeah.

Tales to WoW you, part 4

I see by the comment two posts down that I still have people who read this blog. This is a situation that must be rectified. Therefore, I am excited to unveil part 4 in our ongoing series, "Tales to WoW you". Yes, World of Warcraft fan fiction at it's absolute worst. You will read it and wish you hadn't. Now that I've intrigued you,

Narrator: Our heroes lie, in pieces, amidst pools of blood and murloc drool. They appear to be dead. Again.

Karibou: Well, you've killed me again Gul.

Gulveris: What do you mean "again"? We died from the plague the first time remember?

Karibou: . . . Gul, do you remember what happened the day we died?

Gulveris: Well, let me think. In the morning I believe I bought some cheap bread from the new baker in town. For lunch I made us sandwiches with said bread and I believe by late afternoon we, along with the rest of the town, had been infected with the undead plague and subsequently died. What part of that was my fault? The only thing I'm guilty of is making your last meal a tasty one.

Karibou: No.

Gulveris: What do you mean "no"? That's EXACTLY what happened.

Karibou: No, Gul, it is ALMOST what happened. What actually happened was a little more interesting. Do you remember what the new baker looked like that day?

Gulveris: Um . . . I think so. Pale guy, black cloak, hood, smelled bad.

Karibou: Uh huh, uh huh. I thought so. Tell me, did the bread he sold you look, in any way, fresh?

Gulveris: Well, it had a bit of mold, but you couldn't beat the price!

Karibou: No. No Gul, that was not "just mold". You bought infected bread from the undead scourge, and we ate it for lunch. THAT is how you killed me the first time.

Gulveris: Well, hey, I'm sorry for not being perfect Mr. "I know so much about everything", excuse me for not noticing the thing that no one else in town noticed. If you'll recall, they all died of the plague too.

Karibou: Again Gul, close but not quite. Do you recall seeing any notices that day on your way to buy bread?

Gulveris: Um, the only one I noticed said "For a good time, find Gronkelina."

Karibou: Well, my good friend Gulveris, if you had happened to read the notice just next to that one you would have seen one that said "Beware shady bread vendors selling scourge infected bread." As it happens, the rest of the town DID see that notice and thus were not infected by the scourge.

Gulveris: Well, how did they die then smartass?

Karibou: Do you remember what happened after we died?

Gulveris: If I recall correctly we un-died later that night.

Karibou: Do you remember what we did then?

Gulveris: Well, I dimly recall being hungry.

Karibou: Gul, you dimly recall everything. But let me refresh your memory. We were not just hungry, we were RAVENOUS. And do you remember what we were ravenous for?

Gulveris: Cake?

Karibou: No! No Gul! We were hungry for Brains! Brains! Which is why, undead zombie Gulveris, we went from house to house that night and killed everyone else in town, eating their brains.

Gulveris: So what you're saying is, I killed you by feeding you infected grain and then both of us became undead and killed the rest of the town?

Karibou: Yes, Gul. That is what I'm saying. Hence, this is the second time you killed me.

Gulveris: Fine, I get it. But you didn't have to be such a dick about it.

Karibou: My dear friend Gulveris. Please forgive me for causing you any emotional incovenience as I lie here, dead, in a pool of blood and murloc drool.

Gulveris: Aw, Karibou, you know I can't stay mad at you. Besides, I understand how dying for the second time must be stressing you out. Which brings up an interesting point. How are you stressed about anything at all? I thought we were dead?

Karibou: You know, Gul, that IS interesting.

Narrator: NO! It isn't! But join us next time as our dead undead heroes explore this and other equally tepid topics in "Murder-squared: For the love of the Light, why can't I die?" We guarantee you'll be wondering the same thing! See you next time, in TALES to WOW YOU!

Tales to WoW you, part 3

. . .in which my World of Warcraft fan fiction almost kills you.

In order to get myself back into blogging, I have decided to finish some of the WoW stories that I had in my head when Eric and I were playing. In addition to getting my blogging groove back, I expect to drive the remaining portion of my readers screaming into the twisting nether with my god-awful prose, thus making them able to find this blog afresh later on, as we both start anew.

With that, read on! If you can stomach it . . . and be warned, I don't feel like spell-checking today (you know, I think I have a future in public relations). Also, I'm not sure, but in my mind undead swear as much as possible, so apologies for that.

When we last left Gulveris and Karibou, Gulveris had wandered off to Undercity to find his destiny leaving Karibou to fight the denizens of Tirisfal Glades alone.

(SCENE: Karibou fights a battle against two hideous murlocs in northern portion of Tirisfal Glades.)

The Sounds of Battle: CLANG! SMASH! Mrggrggglrlgle (that was a murloc) THUNK! SLICE! POW! (Adam West was riding by) CLANG! . . . . BOOOOOOOOOM!

Karibou: . . .

Gulveris: Hey, Karibou! Looks like I arrived in the nick of time!

Karibou: . . .

Gulveris: (Looking Confused, which is difficult when your jaw has almost fallen off) What?

Karibou: . . . What . . . (spits out murloc foot) . . . the fuck . . . (removes murloc eye from his own eye socket) . . . was that!

Gulveris: Oh, you mean the method of your deliverance from those rotten little savages? Well, I'm glad you asked, it was (rummages in back-pack and soon hefts a red stick) Dynamite! Cool, huh?

Karibou: Gul, right now I'm tasting murloc toe-jam, I am nearly deaf from the explosion (and possibly the murloc spleen lodged in my ear) and I have, if I am not mistaken, a fucking fish femur sticking through what's left of my lower intestine.

Gulveris: You know, a little gratitude would be nice. (Begins to perform first aid while casually picking murloc remains off of his friend).

Karibou: (with a hint of sarcasm) Yes, thank you Gulveris, if it hadn't been for you I might have easily killed two murlocs without draping myself with their entrails.

Gulveris: (Finishes bandaging Karibou) There, that should keep you together until the Apothecary can look at you.

Karibou: . . . Gul, you packed murloc intestine in with my personal intestines.

Gulveris: Well, you shouldn't have left yours hanging out like that then!

Karibou: (Irritated) I . . . Didn't!

Gulveris: Oh, you'll get over it. What, are you worried it will get infected? Anyway, enough of your bitching and moaning, guess what I did in Undercity?

Karibou: Well, you either explored your necro-sexuality in ways I don't want to hear about or you learned to make dynamite.

Gulveris: (Laughing) Silly, Karibou, why can't it be both! In any case, you are looking at the newest member of the Undercity Engineering Guild! Look how much dynamite I made! (hefts back-pack crammed with explosives towards Karibou)

Karibou: (Steps quickly back) Congratulations, you have managed to complete number 32 on my list of "Ways Gulveris is Likely to Get me Killed" just under "Pushed into Lava" and just over "Trampled by Kodo".

Gulveris: Oh stop it. These things are perfectly safe (starts tossing a stick of dynamite lightly into the air). A sizable majority of my graduating class managed to do so with their limbs intact.

Karibou: Fine! Fine. I'll take your word for it. You know, your natural inclination to get me killed aside, your massive bag of explosives has great potential. Let's blow something up.

Gulveris: (Grinning) I thought you'd never ask! Look at that rabbit!

BOOOOM!

Karibou: (Clapping excitedly) Ooh, that was fun. Now me!

Gulveris: (tossing stick to Karibou) Sure, here you go!

Karibou: (Briefly glaring at Gulveris for tossing high explosive at him. Then trying to light the dynamite) Hey, how do I light this thing? Why can't I ignite the fuse?

Gulveris: (Looking embarrassed) Ah, I forgot. Let me see it? (retrieves dynamite) I'm afraid you won't be able to use this dynamite because you're not an engineer.

Karibou: What do you mean? It's just light and throw right?

Gulveris: (looking smug) Oh, I'm afraid it's much more complicated than that.

Karibou: (looking increasingly irritated) What the fuck is so complicated about "light and throw"!

Gulveris: (thinking hard, then condescendingly) Well, there are many aspects to it that a non-engineer just isn't likely to grasp.

Karibou: Like what?! (Making exasperated motions with hands) You just light and throw! Light and throw!

Gulveris: Well, for one thing an engineer would know to keep his calm around a large satchel full of dynamite. Oh, you know what! I totally forgot, I learned a new recipe just before I left! (Rummages in satchel and comes up with a pink stick of dynamite painted with flowers and puppies and a plastic cap on top) Here, try this one!

Karibou: (Looking at the stick skeptically) What the hell is that?

Gulveris: You my friend are looking at "EZ-throw" dynamite. Fun for engineers and non-engineers alike!

Karibou: So what, I can only use the kiddie dynamite? How freaking insulting is that? And why did you paint it pink! What, am I 12?

Gulveris: Well, if you were 12 you would be substantially more grateful about receiving high explosives I think.

Karibou: I'm not 12!

Gulveris: I thought you'd like it!

Karibou: Gul, pink dynamite painted with flowers and puppies will NOT strike fear into the hearts of my enemies!

Gulveris: You know I think you're just cranky because you stink like murloc intestine.

Karibou: . . .

Gulveris: (realizing the situation is going downhill) Wait, look how easy it is! (Pops plastic cap off of EZ-throw dynamite and tosses backwards down to the beach).

In the distance: BOOOOOM! Mrglglgrlelglelrle! (Both turn to look at the pack of furious murlocs racing up the hill towards them)

Karibou: Number 23.

Gulveris: "Killed by a pack of furious murlocs?"

Karibou: Yup.

Gulveris: You know me too well.

Karibou: (Pulls out his sword) To know you is to hate you.

Gulveris: Aw quit yer bitchin', I have a plan.

Karibou: Me too.

Gulveris: Mine's better. You charge and hold them off while I destroy them with dynamite.

Karibou: . . .

Gulveris: What?

Mrlglggggrlgrlgl!

(to be continued . . .)

Follow-up on Catch Scratch.

I later recovered from my cat bite.

Thanks to "Busty Karen takes it 3 ways" for caring enough to leave a comment.

cat scratch fever

My wonderful, friendly cat Minino gave me four bloody puncture wounds and a trip to the ER this week.

I am used to pushing his nosy little head out of the way all the time, usually to keep his head from being crushed by the refrigerator/sliding/front door. He usually is okay with that. However, Tuesday night he was trying to kill a stray cat through the sliding glass door and I made a crucial error. I opened the sliding glass door to hiss through the screen to scare the other cat away. Having done that, I was trying to close the sliding glass door again. So, in my bare feet, I do my usual shove-cat-aside -with-foot maneuver and get bit hard for my trouble. Four nice neat puncture wounds just behind the pinky toe on my left foot. If I were a higher class of sentient I would have realized that he was in fight-mode with the outdoor cat and not put my bare foot anywhere near him.

In any case, my patient girlfriend helped me dress the wound and 24-hours later it had swollen and was looking red. So into the ER we go to get anti-biotics. So now I'm limping dramatically everywhere I go and trying not to think about teeth and/or bacteria. Also, I'm supposed to elevate my leg at every opportunity. How to do this at work and retain dignity, I don't know. And all this on top of a $500 car repair, $1000 dollar estimate for cleaning the teeth for both cats (sum, not individual), and x-rays on my wrist, for which I have not been charged yet.

It's not the crappiest week anyone has ever had, but you know.

Okay, last post on this topic

So the other day I was in the guest bathroom, "doing some contemplative work" when the cat noses his way in (the guest bathroom door doesn't latch very well). So he slides into the bathroom, bothers me for about 30 seconds and then wrinkles his nose and races back out of the bathroom. Then, I swear, I see his little paw reaching in from the outside, frantically trying to close the door as if to say "That smell! I'm gonna throw up! Close the door! Close the door!"

And in answer to your as-yet unspoken question: because you deserved to know.

GSA Forevah

Kvc's post reminded me of something Mr. Unwilted put up over on youtube (the Brandon part, not the pooping part. :-). It's the 1992 Gem State Academy Video Yearbook, complete in six parts. Hooray! Here's part one:

Some Pooping some Nudity

I was sent to the below movie by a Mr. Todd Jarnes. I thought several of you would get a kick out of it.

Things you don't want to think about

I make my 53rd triumphant return to the blog with poop stories. Now, I don't plan on getting too graphic, and I typically stay away from this topic for obvious reasons ("hey! Where are you going? Don't you want to hear more about my poop?"), but I have observations about male bathroom behavior that I wish to share. You may stop reading now if you're not interested.

I don't like using public bathrooms. In my dream world, a public bathroom stall would be completely enclosed, floor-to-ceiling, well-ventilated and sound-proof. Alas, public bathrooms do not meet this standard. Which is all to say that I hate using public bathrooms. But I have noticed a few things about the behavior of the people who use them (including myself).

First, there are 4 basic types of strides that men take when they head towards the bathroom door.
1) Confident and Mature. They're going to go in, do their business and get out and not think about it anymore. Obviously the best way to approach life (i.e. as an adult).
2) Overly Casual. They stroll along whistling, happen to notice the bathroom door and open it on a whim. They wouldn't normally go into such a place you understand, and it certainly wasn't imperative that they head there, but they'll go in and check it out. This is generally my category. They're trying to be an adult but clearly a little too conscious of the whole event.
3) Slinking. On some level, this person is embarrassed about going to the bathroom and slinks as close to the wall as they can on their way to the bathroom door. Because, you know, no one can see them that way.
4) Power walking. Most people do this walk from time to time. It's an emergency and you can't walk normally because it's all you can do to contain it until you get to the toilet and hope to god you don't run into anyone in the hallway.

As for how people act in the bathroom, let me just say that the funniest thing I hear while I'm in there is people talking to themselves while they do their business. Whether it's the incoherent mumbling I hear from the guy at the urinal or the loud "Oh GOD DAMNIT!" as someone goes through a rough patch in the stall next to me, it's all I can do not to giggle nervously.

As for the walk away from the bathroom, the first 3 strides all still apply. But to that, we must add:
5) the Big Boy. This is when a guy comes out of the bathroom with a certain jauntiness and/or swagger. You're not sure what he did in there, but by God is he proud of it. I also have to stop myself from laughing when I see this one. A variation of this is just a look of simple relief. It was a trying time, but now it is over and there are rainbows and butterflies everywhere.

I don't know why, but I've had this particular post bouncing around my head for months now. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to write it, but you may rest easy knowing it has been catharsis for me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to walk down the hallway in an overly casual manner.

Half-Remembered Quote of the Day

"Why should I have to change all of the clocks in my house just because farmers can't wake up at 4am unless you tell them it's 5?" -- Stephen Colbert (more of a half-remembered paraphrase, but you get the idea)

Enter Zatanna!

Enter Zatanna!
Originally uploaded by hbot3000.

It was my Birthday last Sunday, and I was far, far too lazy to post about it. So I'm doing it now. Yay me.

Also, I'm going to need this song (you tube video) sung to me at all future birthdays. Just so you know.

Anyway, that's not really the point of this post. The point is that on my birthday, my lovely girlfriend and I adopted a new cat (as you may have guessed, the one in the picture here). She is very, very sweet. She was left behind by her owners when they moved and then brought in as a stray. She's been locked in a nice room for a few days to get her comfortable with the new house ( and get the existing cat used to the idea of a new cat). We let her into the house at large for a while last night. Minino (existing cat) is a complete coward and hisses at her and runs half the time. But overall their first meeting was surprisingly amicable.

As alluded to in the title, I have named her Zatanna after a Justice League Heroes character we both like. I feel good about it.

M.I.

I’m very down today that Molly Ivins died. From jan. 5 of this year:

What happened to the nation that never tortured? The nation that wasn't supposed to start wars of choice? The nation that respected human rights and life? A nation that from the beginning was against tyranny? Where have we gone? How did we let these people take us there? How did we let them fool us?

It's a monstrous idea to put people in prison and keep them there. Since 1215, civil authorities have been obligated to tell people with what they are charged if they're arrested. This administration has done away with rights first enshrined in the Magna Carta nearly 800 years ago, and we've let them do it.

She had a way to speak the unpopular truth that I admired. I am sad to see her gone.

Rebooting . . .

It’s weird, what was keeping me from blogging was needing to upload those photos. It was some sort of weird mental block. Now that that’s done, blogging will likely resume. This is assuming there is someone besides me still reading this.

Now taking bets on whether you are reading this.

Step 1, Remove the pins and needles . . .

SF-Fog2
Originally uploaded by hbot3000.

Finally, I have uploaded the photos from my trip to San Francisco. This particular one was from my favorite day in the middle of the week where the buildings disappeared into the very low clouds. Click the picture through to flickr in order to see the rest. They were all taken from my cell phone, so the quality isn't that great.

Looking through these again, none are particularly fantastic. The best I had were of the day we saw Al Gore's keynote speech (which was freaking great. contrary to the "common wisdom", he's a great speaker). Unfortunately, those were destroyed when my cell phone died, which brings me to:

The LG Chocolate phone is a piece of shit. I checked the time outside of a book store in SF and when I went to check the time 30 minutes later all I could get was a white screen of death. I had only had it for a month so they just gave me a new one for free, but still. I seriously regret getting into a new 2 year contract with that piece of crap. What's even more irritating about it is they try and get you to join up with their own version of itunes, the selling point of which seems to be that all the music is sold in .wma format and at twice the cost of itunes files. How can I resist that tempting offer? Especially now that the iphone is coming out. Oh how I wants it.

Tangential trajectory

(Strolls down street, whistling non-chalantly.)

(Notices blog, stops suddenly.)

(Looks in around in panic, then dashes down street, ducking around the nearest corner.)

(Peers fearfully around corner.)

(Dogs barking in distance.)