Where was I?

I return triumphantly to the blog with a location update.

I am in San Francisco for the week for a huge conference. Pictures are forthcoming.

So far it’s been nothing but rainy, but that’s been okay. Lupita and I have been having fun. I am, as always, a little freaked out by the sheer mass of humanity around me, but so far have not gone on any psychotic rampages.

I actually like it here a lot, lots of stuff in walking distance and a good metro system. I really like all the rooftop gardens and so forth that I’ve seen. The first thing I noticed on the 10-block walk to the convention center is that apparently the things that people need the most are cell phones and coffee as, on first glance, that’s all that the city seems to offer. I’m just astounded that there’s enough foot traffic to keep a verizon store in business every other block. Also, I count about 9 starbucks just on my walking route. The funniest spot is, of course, where they are literally across the street from one another. I thought that bit in Shrek 2 was hyperbole, but no, apparently not. I know I betray my county rubeness by my amazement at what are apparently common things here, but still.

Also, they have gay people here. Shocking I know, who would have thought in San Francisco? The only reason I mention it is that I think Lupita’s advisor got us a room in a hotel popular with the gay community. I only say this because I’ve seen mostly gay couples there, people looking at gay porn on the computer in the lobby, it’s called “Club Quarters” and is next to “Elephant and Castle” and smells powerfully of semen at times.

Make of that what you will. I have already, however, formed opinions.

Thought for the Day

If I’m such a good driver, why do all the other cars on the road give me such a wide gap when they pass me?

Finale'

Actually, this guy writes very well about the Kerry nonsense. and he’s British. I am ashamed.

Check that

Ugh. It’s worse. What Kerry meant to say (as is in his prepared notes) is that if you don’t grow up and study and try to be smarter, you’ll be as dumb as George Bush. I think my rant below still stands considering republicans are pretending he didn’t mean to say that, but still. This is about the silliest controversy ever.

You cut me deep there Shrek

Oh John Kerry. What to do with him? He gets on TV for saying that a) unless you like suicide bombers, you probably don’t want to join the army and go to Iraq right now and b) Richer and/or more educated kids don’t join the army, that’s for poorer people. And now it’s a shit storm of epic proportions as the media and republicans try to stall The Democrats’ momentum going into the election. And today, John Kerry apologized.

Jesus, grow a pair John. I’m not the biggest Kerry fan, but he should never have apologized. Why? He was exactly correct in a way the Republicans can’t admit. Republicans are trying to say that because soldiers are good and true (we all appreciate their service, this is true) then any criticism of the war must therefore be a criticism of the troops and how dare we. No you stupid fucks, John Kerry was saying you fat, ignorant, draft-dodging pricks in charge of the war just spent 3 years and many, many American and Iraqi lives turning Iraq into place WORSE and more horrifying than it was under Saddam Hussein through sheer, unadulterated hubris and incompetence. And that that’s a disincentive to join the army right now. This is what both the Republicans and the public and the media that supported them have to admit to when they admit John Kerry was right. So John Kerry, will never, ever be right.

Election day can’t come soon enough. That said, I’m very excited about voting the bastards out until I remember the stellar job the democrats have been doing. More options please.

Oh, and CNN? John Kerry isn’t up for election for any office this year. Just FYI.

That hideous ratio

Specifically, the ratio of how long it takes to pack versus how long it takes to finish unpacking after the moving. I think it will be small. I actually moved about 10 small boxes that I had never unpacked from the last move this time. So, uh yeah. I’m a lazy bastard with a small ratio.

Which is all to say that we have moved to a new house now and it is lovely. Pictures are forthcoming.

Also, you bastards who couldn’t spare a simple day or two and a couple hundred dollars to come help me move are all on notice. Granted, I had 6 people from work helping, but still. Your failure and disloyalty has been noted.

On a big board in my house.

With your names in big angry letters.

(Shakes Fist).

Proud to be a U.S. citizen

So the new torture legislation makes all the torture we’ve been doing legal. Sure, we don’t kill, rape or mangle our prisoners, but anything short of that is A-OK. The Republicans had a meeting with the Republicans and decided torturing people is an effective element of national security. Of course, it’s not, but oh well. I’m sure it’s not a big deal.

Oh, and Democrats? Way to contribute to the debate there fellas. We all appreciate the effort it took to wrinkle your brow in consternation during the debate that the Republicans were having.

In other news, the White house asserted recently (via official mouthpiece Tony Snow) that the Supreme Court actually can’t decide the constitutionality of something, that’s the president’s job. No one’s really called them on it yet, but I’m sure someone will get around to it.

Our government is horribly broken. What I tend to wonder is, at what point does my government killing and torturing of innocent people tar my own soul? Does voting for the other guy get me off the hook? I hope so, because that’s what I’m doing this term. And I’m thrilled that I get to vote for the spineless mute party as opposed to the pro-torture, pro-war, all incompetence party. It’s a smorgasbord of options that overwhelms me with delight.

Quote and Code of the day

“Yeah, how I miss those days,
more than a little
growing young in the dumbo sun.” -- Tracy bonham (Dumbo Sun)

* hbot3000 primary algorithm

age = 0

do while(age.le.ageofdeath)

maturity = age
if(numactionfigures.gt.50.or.numlegos.gt.50) maturity = maturity - 12
if(age=30) then
call commencerandomnostalgia()
end if
if(maturity=30) then
call commencemidlifecrisis()
end if

age = age + 1
end do

A case of the Tuesdays

It’s official: I make too much money to live in my apartment now. And I need to be out before the end of September or I don’t get my deposit back.

In other news: fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

P.S. FUCK. A. DUCK.

More eloquently: God damn it! FUCK. FUck fuCK.

Okay, I feel better now.

not really.

A case of the Mondays

Short Story:

Last Thursday I check my voicemail to find the following message:

“This is Mike from The Bluffs [my apartment complex], please give me a call back, it’s a matter of some urgency.”

I dutifully call back the next day, some airhead answers the phone, doesn’t know what I’m talking about, says “oh, from Mike? it’s nothing, he’ll call you back if he needs to. la la la.”

So today upon leaving the apartment I notice an envelope attached to my door. It essentially tells me that upon review of my account, I may now be making too much money to live there (they are low income housing, and get a tax break if X percent of their tenants are low income). It says that I may now reapply for housing, or move my ass out in 30 days. I am not confident that reapplying does me any good as that’s what started the problem in the first place. I will reapply because I don’t particularly feel like moving, but I am not confident that it will do much good. In the meantime, I guess I’m apartment or house hunting in case I need to move.

I didn’t need this right now.

Oh Pluto, what have they done to you?

So Pluto is now demoted. Actually, I like this definition better. Dwarf Planets. Yes. That is a decent name. And the definitions seem to be better and more accurate. Oh the controversy, I know, but poor Pluto. Nobody loves large rocks of ice anymore.

I predict in another two weeks the controversy will get so large that Pluto will be declared never to have existed in order to solve the problem. Immediately after which all of our space program resources will go to making sure that is true, using as many nuclear weapons as possible. Come to think of it, what a killer way to de-nuke this planet eh? This is why I should be a world leader.

Lazy or Incompetent?

I have never seen this movie, but it’s very existence has been gnawing at my soul.

Dr. T and the Women, Lazy or Incompetent?

In this case, your answer may refer to either to the title or the movie itself. For my money, this has to be the worst, most hideous movie name in the history of time.

Getting back to my roots

I am not sure what to think about such decisions. On the whole, I think I like the change overall. It gives planets a more decisive definition that I tend to like. Also, it distinguishes nicely between the classical, large planets and the smaller, icy ones. Essentially it distinguishes the planets by formation type, which I also approve of. Also, I find it interesting that the asteroid ceres is now considered a planet.

What I don’t like is calling these smaller planets “plutons”. It sounds more like the name for a sub-atomic particle. Also it is very silly. Why not names reflecting the formation of each type? Why not Kuiper planets (well, that wouldn’t work for ceres I guess)? Or even a simple Rank A planets and Rank B planets. Or hell, Planetoids works great. But Plutons? Give me a frickin break.

I believe this starts a new feature here on the blog:

Lazy or Incompetent?

Was giving lower rank planets the name of “Plutons” lazy or incompetent?
(where here incompetent is defined as “couldn’t have thought of a better name if they tried.”)

I have nothing to add

to this.

I must regenerate

My fanboy credentials are clearly fading. I’ve missed a few crucial fanboy products that I should have caught. Therefore, I will be returning to San Diego this weekend to indulge in all that is the San Diego Comicon. My sweet Lupita and I will be making a daring one-day visit on Saturday this year due to work constraints. But there we shall bathe in the non-judgemental purity of geek paradise. Or something like that. In any case, not too lake to make your last-minute, impulse travel arrangements.

Speaking of comic books, in reading 40 years of X-men I have so far discovered the following:

1. The professor had a crush on Jean Grey early in the series. As it seemed incredibly creepy (especially since Jean spends most of her energy early on keeping the other 5 students from humping her leg) it was a plot thread soon lost. Only to reappear somehow during the onslaught miniseries if I’m not mistaken.
2. The blob was originally a circus performer. After rejecting Xavier’s offer to join the x-men, the blob rounds up the circus to destroy the mansion. So the big fight at the end is of the mutants beating the crap out of circus clowns and acrobats. Also, cyclops shoots an elephant in the face at point-blank range. I did a little head-scratching on that one.
3. The weirdness of Stan Lee’s stories aside, Jack Kirby’s art was very good and I found myself enjoying the first run of issues with Stan as author and jack as artist very much. But they are pretty cheesy.
4. the other mutant power that all x-men have is to have 8 complete sentences worth of dialogue while doing a backflip or falling 5 feet. There was actually a panel where I think cyclops and jean have this whole conversation while falling 5 feet and they end it with something like, “Watch out for the ground!” They either talk very fast or gravity doesn’t work the same for them as it does for us.

Quote of the Day

“There is no fish of the second freshness.” -- Apparently a Russian saying, but the internets have lied before. In any case, I liked it.

Pigeon hole

While showering yesterday I thought I heard several thumps. Nothing was repeated so I assumed they came from the apartment below and forgot about them. When I walked out of the bathroom, the cat was patiently waiting for me. As soon as I came out he ran down the hall started meowing loudly and frequently. I wandered down and said, “what’s all this noise abo . . . oh.” Much to my dismay, a large, crap-filled pigeon had flown in through the open patio door (so the cat can go out there) and refused to leave. It was immediately clear that the thumps I had heard in the shower came when the cat, in an attempt to reach said pigeon, had knocked over his cat tree. He must have then decided to wait for me to solve it and come back by the bathroom to wait until I got out of the shower. Although, I suspect he didn’t so much want me to get the bird out, as to get it for him so he could play with it.

Wielding broom and chair, I then began to try and shoo the thing out of the door. Unfortunately, the pigeon first confused the un-openable pane of glass above my patio door as an exit. So he kept flying into the pane and cracking his head. Feeling bad and not wanting to kill him, I put up a cloth over it so he wouldn’t think it was a window anymore. Shortly thereafter He found his way behind the cloth and proceeded to pace back and forth along the window, looking for a way out. So I took the cloth down again, shooed him away and put the cloth back up so he couldn’t sneak behind it. This is about 2 hours worth of fun. The next and final hour was spent thinking up more exciting ways to get him to leave. I did some googling and read about people gently knocking the bird senseless so it could be removed outside, but felt that required too much finesse. A capture and release program was briefly implemented, with no luck on the capture portion (the cat was locked away during these crucial endeavors). The quest began to take more immediacy as I was late for work and the damn thing was crapping everywhere (which was oh-so-much fun to clean up last night). Finally, the damn thing landed on the ceiling fan. So I stared at it, silently cursing. The problem now was that it wouldn’t fly low enough to see the sky through the patio door. It was either too afraid to fly that low or didn’t think it was an exit. So a weird thought came to me. What if I start the blades spinning? I turned the fan on briefly and got the blades moving a little. The pigeon, while apparently getting a little dizzy, was unperturbed. Hmmm. But I had made it dizzy. So I put them on a bit longer, get the blades going a bit faster and now hope to make the bird dizzy enough to fall so I can grab it and throw it out the window. What actually happened was a little funnier. It got spinning just fast enough that the bird had to use it’s wings to stay on the rotating blade. Eventually it was too much and the bird was actually flying a few inches behind the blade trying to land on it again. Unfortunately, the wings were flapping hard enough to keep the blade moving and the bird began a futile chase of the blade for about 3 revolutions. At this point he was just tired and dizzy and finally dropped alititude by a few feet, saw the sky through the open patio door and few out. Success! I ran over and yelled at it to “stay out!” and slammed the door.

Lesson: Whenever you get a captured bird in your house/apartment, simply get them to land on the fan and spin the blades. Foolproof!

P.S. The cat was very disappointed at my solution to the problem.

Forehead Smacking, Part the Second

This isn’t really THAT big of a deal, but our illustrious president made fun of a blind reporter this morning for wearing sunglasses at the press conference. Basically it makes me shake my head and laugh at our magnificent leader.

Because This Blog Needs Another Post

powered by ODEO

When I think of HBOT3000 choirs of school girls sing.

this is the end, my friend

Here’s a disrespectful look at some end times national ID and mark of the beast stuff. I could go on at length about this, but I’ll keep it short. I just want to point out how growing up Adventist it was about how Adventists were going to be persecuted by such technology and other churches. Later, one might admit that God’s chosen existed in other flocks, but by and large it was Adventists who were going to be persecuted. When I read articles like this, it reminds me that other denominations think they’re going to be persecuted by everyone else as well which leads me to wonder: Just how many churches think all the other churches (along with the athiests that are part of Satan’s church) are going to persecute them? It’s this type of thing that helps keep me away from church these days.

The Price is Wrong, Bitch!

The Price is Right has infected our culture in an odd way. I occasionally encounter people that think that the better approximation of a number is always the lower one. For instance, in an admittedly trivial discussion on whether the price of gas was $3.20 or $3.19 when the price is $3.19 and 9/10, I took the position that $3.20 was obviously a better estimate of final price than $3.19. His main argument seemed to be “yes, but $3.19 is under the actual price.” This argument only makes sense on the price is right and it is not the first time I have encountered it. I can only attribute it to Bob Barker’s ever-growing demonic powers.

Twice Removed

I just got an email from the parents’ church (of which I guess I remain, technically, a member). It says they’re going to the park or some such nonsense to hand out this book. Yeah, I’m not sure I’ll be turning up for that. While the scare tactics about the end of the world hold a special place in my heart (as they were the main source of adrenaline for me into high school), I’m not sure spreading the fear around as a means of increasing the flock is identified as particularly christian in my book.

“It’s the end of the world! Only by joining our church and giving us 10% of your income can you be saved! Hurry! It’s happening now! Is that Satan behind you? Quick, run in here!”

Okay, now I’m just being silly.

Conquering Thailand

Check out this commercial (look for yellow text and play button to play) and see if you don’t spot someone from the same factory as the hbot3000. It is very cool and I am, sniff, so proud!

Good Citizenry

Matt was gracious enough to give me “The Good Citizen’s Handbook.” What hidden message there was in that gift, I don’t care to speculate. Regardless, on first glance it is a camp classic. In fact, I’m trying to decide if it’s serious or some horrible parody. In any case, I thought it would be amusing to read through and decide how much I fit this person’s model of a good citizen. So, the introduction begins, “A good citizen is well-groomed . . ..” Huh. Well, I’m damned six words into it (tosses book out window). I see “Big Hair” (as opposed to Big Tobacco) has bought and paid for this advocate’s book. Sad. More later, once I get past the horrible dejection I feel from having failed the good citizen test in the first sentence.

Disaster Porn

You know, I enjoy reading the Clusterfuck Nation Chronicles (linked to the right), but it’s become hard to take seriously. Someone on his site described what he does as “Disaster Porn” and I find that description hard to dispute. I must admit I like reading his site for the same reason I like disaster movies, just an abject fascination with apocalyptic/disaster scenarios. So, for the record, I don’t want an oil crisis to destroy the country. As much as I find it interesting to examine the possibilities, I do cherish my electricity and my easy motoring. Having said that, I do agree with Kunstler on what a silly idea suburbs, strip malls and long commutes are. I do think that gas prices are going to become higher and cause some significant problems, but I in no way really want it to happen. In any case, gas is edging up again this summer and my thoughts once again drifted to the demise of oiled civilization. Having said that, it is funny to watch the “we’re all doomed” side crow when oil and gas prices go up with the “sensible” I-heart-my-SUV crowd saying fluctuations are normal, only to see positions reversed completely with no trace of irony when prices go down again.

In a related note, I see that some people are getting a little upset about the confirmed report that the Chimperor is considering using nukes (“but they’re tiny!”) to destroy some targets in Iran. The report says that the Bush Administration believes that they can bomb Iran into Democracy. So, uh, yeah. Crazy people run the government. This guy probably sounds a little hysterical, but his feelings closely mirror my own. In short: Bombing Iran with tiny nukes = Stupid Fucking Idea. That is all.

An open letter

Dear Daylight Savings Time,

FUCK. YOU.

That is all.

Sincerely,

Hbot3000

About that Forecast

snow1
Originally uploaded by hbot3000.

As of 3:30 this afternoon, the national weather service forecast said fairly confidently that the snow storm in the mountains wouldn't deposit any measurable snow in Reno. As of 5:00, this is what the view outside my apartment looked like. So yeah, not their best forecast. I'm not saying they're terrible, they do a pretty good job usually, it's just telling about the state of weather forecasting that we still have days where the forecasts are this wrong. In any case, it made me laugh.

On a more insane note . . .

Nuclear non-proliferation is widely regarded as a Good Idea. This is not nuclear non-proliferation. The funny thing about nuclear weapons, is that not only do they kill lots of innocent people and render whole swaths of ground uninhabitable for many, many years, they also blow lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of tiny, yet harmful radioactive particles into the air. The funny thing about air is that it can actually transport these particles from one place to another using things like “wind” which is caused by “pressure differences” (stop me, Mr. President, if this gets too technical for you). These particles can be transported by this “wind” hundreds and thousands of miles to entirely new places with new people and will eventually be deposited in things like, oh say, drinking water. This in turn leads to things like “radiation poisoning”. In fact, in a study I read a year or two ago (but am too lazy to look up and link to) atmospheric scientists actually did a study about where the air from our atomic testing in the Pacific Ocean went and what effect that might have had on people. They found that the air from some of these tests made their way to certain regions of the united states which, oddly enough had had much higher rates of cancer for the 20 or 30 years after the tests were completed. Hmmmm. This is just one reason why allowing India to make lots more nuclear weapons, is a Bad Idea. Another quick one is that India doesn’t really like Pakistan, who also happens to have a couple of nuclear weapons. So now, we have a new arms race in Asia. Wheee!

Here’s another bad idea: electing as leader of the free world someone who doesn’t see that casually allowing India to make lots of nuclear weapons is a Horrible, Fucking Retarded and Bad Idea. He’s not a harmless, nincompoop president, when he pulls shit like this. It is actually a good thing to have leaders with a higher intelligence than the rest of the population. It would be nice if some grown-ups could speak up around election time and say “Hey everybody, you actually don’t want to vote for a guy you could have a beer with, because he says the craziest shit when he’s drunk. It would probably be good to have a guy who’s smart and inquisitive. Just saying.”

Just saying.

Do you really, honestly care?

The commentary for today's Penny Arcade highlights for me exactly what is both the best and the most terrifying aspect of geekdom. The obsessiveness of fangeeks. I was laughing out loud, which is unusual for me at work. It tends to raise awkward questions, like, "What are you doing reading that instead of working?"

Anyway. . . Why is it that geeks (perhaps that should be we geeks) take so much pride and pleasure from knowing that which others do not? Even (perhaps that should be especially) that which others don't care to know? I understand it a lot more with the young geeks here at Information Services: They're trying to establish pecking order and a little informational one-upsmanship helps them with that. But shouldn't we be able to outgrow that? Or is that just one of those features that defines the geek his whole life? Of is it a guy thing?

And why, oh why, do all of my posts tend to be filled with questions? Am I attempting to be Aristotilian, or am I just trying to encourage the sort of commentary that makes blogs so interesting? I think that that's the one feature that threatens my geek status more than anything: The willingness to use the question mark rather than favoring inflammatory declarative statements.

Yes.

Fuck Yes. (Pre-click Hint: rhymes with Shew Fobotech Martoons)

"Good night, and good luck."

I saw this film last night. My reaction is a simple one. Go see it. Immediately. Tell your friends and family to see it. Tell them to tell their friends. Go see it, even if you have to spend your lunch money to do it. Then think about it.

A couple of quotes from Edward R. Murrow (not all from the film)

"We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home. "

"We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason if we dig deep in our history and doctrine and remember that we are not descended from fearful men, not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate and to defend causes which were for the moment unpopular. We can deny our heritage and our history, but we cannot escape responsibility for the result. There is no way for a citizen of the Republic to abdicate his responsibility."

"If we confuse dissent with disloyalty — if we deny the right of the individual to be wrong, unpopular, eccentric or unorthodox — if we deny the essence of racial equality then hundreds of millions in Asia and Africa who are shopping about for a new allegiance will conclude that we are concerned to defend a myth and our present privileged status. Every act that denies or limits the freedom of the individual in this country costs us the . . . confidence of men and women who aspire to that freedom and independence of which we speak and for which our ancestors fought."

Disillusionment

Man, that groundhog Phil is full of shit. It's 55 deg F here. Supposed to be 60 deg F tomorrow. 6 more weeks of winter my ass. If you can't trust a groundhog to predict the arrival of spring, what can you trust? Nothing and no one, that's what.

I am very childish

Whenever I randomly remember this exchange, it's always in this form:

Darth Vader: "The Circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master."

Obi-wan: "Only a Master-bator, Darth."

Why is this? Discuss.

N-E-G-L-E-C-T

That is all you get from me.

N-E-G-L-E-C-T

Oh, sock it to me, sock it to me , sock it to me , sock it to me , sock it to me , sock it to me , sock it to me , sock it to me , sock it to me. . .

(Just a little bit)